Why I am CTB

[suicidalsadie]

I need to make a few more posts on here to enable functions so I figured I'd share why I have to CTB. I don't want to, I want to live. But 22 months ago I had an acoustic trauma that resulted in me getting an incredibly rare condition called Noxacusis.

From the moment it happened until now my ears haven't stopped hurting me. The pain gets worse and unbearable with setbacks. It's to the point now where I haven't spoken with my own voice in 5 months because any noise is too much. I sleep and live in my bathroom on a mattress topper because the sound of the birds outside hurt too much, and it's the only room without outside walls. The pain feels like someone is stabbing me in the ear with ice picks and pouring hot acid down my canals.

I've been to countless doctors and done treatments but none have worked. I am currently trying to convince a doctor near me to do an experimental surgery on me but if he won't I don't have much fight in me left. There is no cure. I will be like this for the rest of my life. I am 24 F and I just turned 22 at the time of the accident. I was about to get married in a month and live the life I always wanted. Now I am alone in a dark bathroom with ear plugs and still in agony from physical pain because somebody in a semi truck decided to lay on their airhorn 3 feet from me standing there.

My plan is SN if I can get a pure source. Already ordered from FF but not sure it is good

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Seeing people wanna die due to physical problems always saddens me so much as they could live a much more happier and fulfilling life if it weren't for their health problems.. I have an old friend that's suicidal due to chronic pain after long term cancer and chemotherapy effects. I really hope you're able to get the surgery and I pray that it makes a big difference in your quality of life.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

What you have to go through is so awful. I'm sorry.

It's the worst when we want to live but the circumstances push us to CTB and we see no other option anymore. I can relate to that.

 

[kurgan]

I need to make a few more posts on here to enable functions so I figured I'd share why I have to CTB. I don't want to, I want to live. But 22 months ago I had an acoustic trauma that resulted in me getting an incredibly rare condition called Noxacusis.

From the moment it happened until now my ears haven't stopped hurting me. The pain gets worse and unbearable with setbacks. It's to the point now where I haven't spoken with my own voice in 5 months because any noise is too much. I sleep and live in my bathroom on a mattress topper because the sound of the birds outside hurt too much, and it's the only room without outside walls. The pain feels like someone is stabbing me in the ear with ice picks and pouring hot acid down my canals.

I've been to countless doctors and done treatments but none have worked. I am currently trying to convince a doctor near me to do an experimental surgery on me but if he won't I don't have much fight in me left. There is no cure. I will be like this for the rest of my life. I am 24 F and I just turned 22 at the time of the accident. I was about to get married in a month and live the life I always wanted. Now I am alone in a dark bathroom with ear plugs and still in agony from physical pain because somebody in a semi truck decided to lay on their airhorn 3 feet from me standing there.

My plan is SN if I can get a pure source. Already ordered from FF but not sure it is good

I'm in same boat too with ear problems, loudness hyperacusis and catastrophic tinnitus.

 

[suicidalsadie]

Seeing people wanna die due to physical problems always saddens me so much as they could live a much more happier and fulfilling life if it weren't for their health problems.. I have an old friend that's suicidal due to chronic pain after long term cancer and chemotherapy effects. I really hope you're able to get the surgery and I pray that it makes a big difference in your quality of life.

Thank you

I'm in same boat too with ear problems, loudness hyperacusis and catastrophic tinnitus.

I'm so sorry. It's the worst

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrific, I'm sorry you've been tortured so unbearably in this existence, I hope you find the freedom from suffering you search for.

 

[SuicideKurt]

I'm terribly sorry. Don't feel grief about that world, I hope you find peace in what comes after death.

 

[TBONTB]

I need to make a few more posts on here to enable functions so I figured I'd share why I have to CTB. I don't want to, I want to live. But 22 months ago I had an acoustic trauma that resulted in me getting an incredibly rare condition called Noxacusis.

From the moment it happened until now my ears haven't stopped hurting me. The pain gets worse and unbearable with setbacks. It's to the point now where I haven't spoken with my own voice in 5 months because any noise is too much. I sleep and live in my bathroom on a mattress topper because the sound of the birds outside hurt too much, and it's the only room without outside walls. The pain feels like someone is stabbing me in the ear with ice picks and pouring hot acid down my canals.

I've been to countless doctors and done treatments but none have worked. I am currently trying to convince a doctor near me to do an experimental surgery on me but if he won't I don't have much fight in me left. There is no cure. I will be like this for the rest of my life. I am 24 F and I just turned 22 at the time of the accident. I was about to get married in a month and live the life I always wanted. Now I am alone in a dark bathroom with ear plugs and still in agony from physical pain because somebody in a semi truck decided to lay on their airhorn 3 feet from me standing there.

My plan is SN if I can get a pure source. Already ordered from FF but not sure it is good

Oh I am so sorry for all that pain, and for the loss of your "normal" life. Sending so much hope for healing and relief however it comes to you.

 

[darksouls]

I am very sorry you are suffering so much
I was in such a situation myself
I had to undergo an amputation
I hope you get the surgery
and you will be released from your suffering

 

[bankai]

OP,that's very difficult to read . such difficult circumstances

I hate it when people who want to live feel they have to take the bus due to medical reasons or suffering caused by things beyond their control.i hope the surgery fixes it and you have the life you've always wanted.