Why haven't you given up yet?

[Gnip]

I promised my mother I would not CTB during her lifetime. She knows that once anything happens to her, I'm gone.

 

[Hurt]

Have to do some things before leaving.

 

[Deleted member 25508]

there's a tiny ember of life left inside of me but it's not nearly enough to illuminate the vast darkness it's inside of. i guess i'm naively hoping that someday things will change, even though deep down i know they won't.

 

[Mentalmick]

A psychiatric clinic seems to be more suitable for you, have you thought? I'm thinking of going in a while, so I can disappear for a while. I think I will go soon, at least to contain my desire to ctb a little, I cannot die now.

I'm in the UK, unfortunately you can't do that here. You have to be sent to one ether voluntary or by section. And getting sent to one is difficult as you usually have to be a threat to others and I'm only a threat to myself which is irrelevant in their eyes.

 

[SadGirl]

I promised my mother I would not CTB during her lifetime. She knows that once anything happens to her, I'm gone.

I too will only go when my mother is gone, in the meantime I will look after her until the end of her life.

 

[The end !]

Is there any reason for not giving up and doing ctb? Any friends, family, parents ?? I wanted to commit ctb, but I can't leave my mother in this filthy world, she needs me, and I'm only here because of her.

lack of courage to ctb keeps me alive

 

[Wraith]

I have given up, but the ward near me is terrible, so I can't afford failure.

 

[poppeye]

honestly I don't know I wanna do it but some part of me is holding back maybe it's my family I really don't know anymore.

 

[134340]

My three year old brother and sixteen year old sister are the only reasons I keep giving things another go. I am one of my brother's primary caregivers and am very close with my sister, who is also developing mental health issues. Other family members too, but those two specifically would not do well without me. Even I can acknowledge that. The thought of leaving them behind totally paralyzes me. I don't know how to handle it or get past it, but I'm running out of options. I can't stick around for a lot longer.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

My doggy best mate, the day l adopted him l promised him that l'd always be there for him and would Never leave him! And well l love him to bits!!!

 

[JustHeckinKillMe]

I have given up long time ago. But suicide scares the shit out of me even if it doesn't go wrong. I don't know when I'll be ready to do it and I don't wanna be stuck not doing anything with my life so I'm seeking professional help to keep me going until one day I muster up the courage to ctb.

 

[Kyrok]

I feel like I have given up on some of my goals. I've had the same employer for nearly 25 years (though promoted up the ranks). In 2017, I decided that was going to be my last push to find a better job and if I failed, I'd ctb.

Well, I failed at both.

So, I let my research wind down and was going to quit, moving into a cabin. At the cusp of acting on that, I was given a huge raise and promotion to running my own department.

The administrative position is what's keeping me alive. I'm in too much pain to write like I used to, but am hoping I can survive until retirement doing mostly admin and only a bit of research.

It's a race against the calendar as my body falls apart.

 

[SadGirl]

My three year old brother and sixteen year old sister are the only reasons I keep giving things another go. I am one of my brother's primary caregivers and am very close with my sister, who is also developing mental health issues. Other family members too, but those two specifically would not do well without me. Even I can acknowledge that. The thought of leaving them behind totally paralyzes me. I don't know how to handle it or get past it, but I'm running out of options. I can't stick around for a lot longer.

I know how you feel, pressured. It's horrible, I feel that way too sometimes. I hope you are strong to handle all of this, and be at peace soon, I am here if you need to.

 

[SadJessu]

Mostly two reasons, my cats and my partner. Though I often get afraid of not existing, which is counterproductive.

 

[SadGirl]

My doggy best mate, the day l adopted him l promised him that l'd always be there for him and would Never leave him! And well l love him to bits!!!

Very noble of you. I have a cat, and I love her too.

I have given up long time ago. But suicide scares the shit out of me even if it doesn't go wrong. I don't know when I'll be ready to do it and I don't wanna be stuck not doing anything with my life so I'm seeking professional help to keep me going until one day I muster up the courage to ctb.

It's the best thing to do, I can't ctb now, so I have to try everything to keep my sanity in this life.

 

[the_final_countdown]

I'm not sure now.

Physically my condition continues to deteriorate, but emotionally I seem to be adapting.

I suspect one or two crisis might push me over the edge though. It takes all my energy to just deal with my condition.

I don't know. I'm not thriving, just surviving.

I guess I'm waiting to see how my life unfolds.

 

[muffin222]

I'm technically in recovery, but I'm on the brink of giving up on that and just ending it all.

 

[iDieUDie80]

I foolishly hold onto hope and the idea that my life might be worth salvaging. Also, I'm anxious.

 

[AvaAdore]

Is there any reason for not giving up and doing ctb? Any friends, family, parents ?? I wanted to commit ctb, but I can't leave my mother in this filthy world, she needs me, and I'm only here because of he

A few reasons. I am not suffering enough to justify hurting the people that would be the most hurt by my death.

 

[neitherherenorthere]

Cowardice, indecision, guilt, with some hedonism sprinkled in.

 

[neren]

Suicide isn't just deciding to do it one day and then ending it, there is just too much biological imperative to live.

It's something you have to condition yourself into being comfortable with, it's a process. It's a big decision, so this makes sense. The simple reality is, with enough time, honesty, and self-reflection the answer will become clearer and clearer, You will eventually just decide if the right thing to do is to discontinue suffering, and then go from there.

This x1000. it's taken me 15 years of suicidal thoughts. Eventually you'll come to the decision on your own and not in a time of weakness. it can only be described as "the answer". Your brain tries to rationalize staying alive. I will look for ways out. Convince you to keep trying. AND YOU SHOULD!!!!!! Until one day, you have this feeling that all options have been exhausted. That your pain or the pain you have caused others bears too much weight on your shoulders. And you know what to do from there.