Why haven't you ctb yet?

[LaughingandSmiling]

I'm alive because of my little brother. I can't destroy his innocence by ctb. I hear him laugh and the dark goes away for a minute.

 

[CogitoMori]

My partner unknowingly interrupted my last attempt so I had to set a new date.

 

[ssspadbye]

Because I'd been little by little hoping that things would get better - my work situation, my family's situation, my life situation in general. But it just seems to be getting worse. And things got really bad with my family situation this week and the light at the end of the tunnel seems dimmer and dimmer. Plus I'd been thinking I'm in a first world country, a good passport, qualified, have a job - lucky me. But my job is killing me but I'm stuck in it, the world is about to break out into war, everywhere I look there is injustice. One of the random little things that keep me going is that I also buy little lottery tickets every week, hoping that I may win - a lotto win would remove 99% of my problems. But I also realistically know that's nearly impossible. But it's just another little thing that had made me go "a few more days, who knows". But things got much worse this week, and I think now, I'm ready to do it tomorrow. But who knows, honestly. I've got everything ready to go with my Exit nitrogen kit. Messages prepared. Let's see.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Waiting for the Sonic 3 movie plus I still need to finish my note, record some final messages for certain people, and other such preparations.

 

[deadtrace]

I'm terrified, and convincing myself for years that things will get better when x thing happens. Always the same, thing happens, things seem like they're getting better for a while, then everything falls apart somehow. Then it repeats. I still keep falling for it.

 

[ssspadbye]

I'm terrified, and convincing myself for years that things will get better when x thing happens. Always the same, thing happens, things seem like they're getting better for a while, then everything falls apart somehow. Then it repeats. I still keep falling for it.

I know the feeling, I keep hoping things get better, and even get little glimpses of thing getting better, but then just end up getting worse. But just when I'm about to go for it, there's a little glimmer of hope somewhere, and repeat cycle. Hopefully tomorrow will be the last day.

 

[We Are Angels]

I have a few things I want to prove to myself first. A modest bucket list, but nothing special.

 

[kvorumese]

I have a couple things to do before I go. Though that can be interrupted and I'll immediately ctb if I get drafted to serve in the military and/or partake in the war

 

[lawlietsph]

My pets too. Now I have cats, a lot of cockatiels and a pony. I just can't leave them. I don't trust that my family would take care of them.
The other reason is simply the survival instinct. I am terrified of the pain and possible suffering before I die.
But nothing more. I don't care about my family's feelings, because I am 100000% sure their life would be much much better without me. They don't love me and never did, maybe my absence would be weird for a day or two, but that's it.

 

[CatLvr]

My son. He may be an adult now and all grown up, living a life of his own, but he is and will be forever, that 2 year old baby asleep in my arms, in the rocking chair at 3 in the morning. As he was dozing off to sleep (he had had a bad dream) he put his hand on my cheek and said "Mommy, you are the best mommy in the whole world. And if God gave me a bunch of mommies I would still pick you to be MY mommy." I bawled like my pet dog had died. Bless his heart. And he can still make me melt into a hot mess! That kid! Lol I couldn't hurt him like that. He sees something in me I cannot see myself. And because of that I would suffer this life a million more times than do anything that would hurt him like me ctb would do.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Lack of peaceful suicide methods and I don't have the mental endurance to escape my parents house just to even gain an attempt at drowning, the failure of which would permanently fuck my life up far more than if I were to have never attempted in the first place

 

[-nobodyknows-]

It's complicated. To put it simply, I don't think "now" is the time to do it.

 

[Anhaedra]

I have a very loving parents and siblings I dont want to do this to them. It would destroy our family forever (or for a very long time). Also the chance that things could get better stops me from ctb. I know its not reliable to live for someone else in the long run, but, I just love my family so much I could withstand the pain for as long as I can.

 

[CantDoIt]

No method + feel bad what I would do to others, but I really want to do it and look forward to it.

 

[bleeding_heart_show]

Complacency. Some part of me irrationally believes that my situation could improve. I know that even if things work out perfectly for me that my suicidal ideation will not vanish due to it being more ideological than situational.

 

[maka]

Materials are stuck in transit + false hope

I keep wanting to put it off in hopes that maybe the Universe would finally give in and care if I cry loud enough, if I beg hard enough for my suffering to just stop and to finally get something to live for. But it's been ignoring me for so long, I don't know realistically if I can keep putting it off like I wanted. Maybe my stuff not arriving is a sign, but I've been looking for "signs" for years, so if anything it's just god trying to wring my mental stability dry and prolong the pain as much as possible.