Why haven’t you CTB yet?

[PillowSia]

It's twofold. A small part of me wants to believe I still have a chance, that if I could wake up tomorrow and have the determination to work myself to the bone, things will somehow change. A larger part of me is afraid of failure. I hated being in the psyche ward, I don't want to go back or live just enough that I don't have the physical or mental capabilities to CTB anymore.

 

[Sotired_]

I tried not that long ago a couple of times, before I found this site but I had researched my method. Unfortunately my head was so messed up that I thought I'd get away with being left to die if I refused treatment. So although my method would have worked I was treated to save my life. (Ironic though that when I've asked for help because I'm ready to act, but want to be stopped I'm just told I have capacity to make my own decision.)

After my attempt I saw what I did to my family and made a commitment to at least trying to improve things. I agreed to start taking medication again, and restarted therapy. Now I'm reaching the end of my tether again, messing with my meds, finding therapy extremely hard to engage with. But I want my decision to be when I'm sure and not just an act on impulse.

I'm tempted to buy SN, and I have all of the other meds needed just as usual things I'm prescribed. But I'm hesitant whilst knowing I could just act.

 

[bpdandme]

I think it's natural to have that side of you that is upset that life has come to this and wants to hold out, I had this really strongly and even after I drank the SN and I was trying to speak myself out of it but my SI was too strong and so was this hope that things would get better prevailed.

You don't have to rush yourself, I think when people are ready they will know.

 

[Epsilon0]

Fear, SI and having family who love me.

 

[Darkhaven]

I would like to finish my degree and try and find a job to get a room and get the hell out of my mom's house. It will improve my mental health, of that i'm sure. Who knows, maybe i will lose my desire to ctb? I know for a fact that being all by myself makes me feel really well. But i doubt i can make it that far.

 

[Epsilon0]

I would like to finish my degree and try and find a job to get a room and get the hell out of my mom's house. It will improve my mental health, of that i'm sure. Who knows, maybe i will lose my desire to ctb? I know for a fact that being all by myself makes me feel really well. But i doubt i can make it that far.

Good luck Darkhaven! What degree are you pursuing?

 

[Darkhaven]

Good luck Darkhaven! What degree are you pursuing?

A Law degree. One year from finishing.

 

[Epsilon0]

So, you are nearly at the finishing line. Do you have to write a thesis in your last year?

 

[MartyByrde]

There's about a 5% chance my ex will let me see my kids again. That wouldn't solve all this shit, but the chance of it happening is keeping me around for now.

 

[Darkhaven]

So, you are nearly at the finishing line. Do you have to write a thesis in your last year?

No that's for the masters or phd. The basic degree is attainable by just passing at all the subjects or "chairs" as we call them.

 

[Epsilon0]

No that's for the masters or phd. The basic degree is attainable by just passing at all the subjects or "chairs" as we call them.

Ok, all the best to you! I remember how stressful exams could be. I would often get sick to my stomack right before taking one. What kind of law would you like to practice?

 

[Darkhaven]

Ok, all the best to you! I remember how stressful exams could be. I would often get sick to my stomack right before taking one. What kind of law would you like to practice?

Private/Civil Law. That's what interests me the most and where there is more work.

 

[Epsilon0]

I bet you hear this joke all the time, but here goes: There's nothing civil about law.

:-)

 

[Darkhaven]

I bet you hear this joke all the time, but here goes: There's nothing civil about law.

:-)

It's true. It's every man for himself, low blows included.

 

[Epsilon0]

It's true. It's every man for himself, low blows included.

Life, in other words.

 

[Eren]

I'm staying alive for my mother..

Same here

 

[Oyoy]

Same here
Dito

 

[artificialpasta]

I can't buy anything because of our country's lockdown. I was supposed to hang myself w/ a belt but soon realized it's just a bad way to go. (Tried it for a minute, felt like my head exploding.)

Now I just need to get my hands on SN. It's frustrating I might have to wait out the lockdown for that.

 

[mpnf]

I wanted to be 27. I turnt 27 today.

Congrats!

 

[selfhater]

i'm not alone and i don't have any method but the partial hanging which is difficult when my family is around 24/7

 

[18andlife]

Just waiting for the perfect moment when I can't be found and " saved"

 

[Ashleyrodriguez]

I'm scared SN method won't work and I'll just end up in the hospital with my family just feeling sorry for me and me just feeling worse than now.