why haven't you commit suicide yet

[StolenLife]

No money for SN or SN sources and wish to finish University before I die, also I don't want my family to grieve.

 

[shootemallagain]

nothing to kill myself with

lol you are on ethernet but you have nothing where are you form than?

 

[marshmallowfluff]

I am not actively suicidal at the moment but am also sectioned, and have been for 2.5 years. When I've been suicidal, I have the plan but I'm so scared to do it as I don't want to end up a vegetable. It is a bit more complex than doing it at home as I would have to time it perfectly to stop anyone walking in or hearing me

 

[shootemallagain]

im lived 21 years in coma during very hard autism im lived 1 year on earth monday 04:00 wil do for first time full haning

 

[MBG]

I voted "Other"

The opening to this TV show fits. My terminal illness will get ugly, probably within 2 years. When it enters that stage I'll leave the world stage.

 

[helicoptero]

Finding the right method is pretty hard.
My favorite videogame keeps getting cool updates, I'm alive bc of that game. It may sound stupid but it's the only thing that brings me happiness

 

[Rūkas.Psichozė]

lmao

He's a silly orange

 

[jbear824]

Afraid of pain. Don't have enough money to buy materials. Have a partner that would be lost and harmed if I were to ctb.

 

[trashprincess]

Scared.. and the delusional belief that I could be wanted one day...

 

[prtsn]

fear of waking up mostly and some SI in the mix

 

[Vitya]

I haven't tasted the sweetness of getting back at her. The abuse and suffering the closest person to my heart's been causing me for years and now left me alone to fight terminal illness by myself. I just want to die knowing she got what she deserves. Only then will I die peacefully

 

[diviosd]

1- I don't have access to a good method
2- I have a ctb date

 

[neonzebra]

- I have a cat
- I haven't found a good method yet that's easy for me to do
- I want to get rid of all my shit first so my brother doesn't have to deal with it
- exhaustion and lack of motivation

 

[nood11]

My preferred method is a gunshot to the head. The reasons I haven't done it yet are:
1. It's scary to think of an explosion and a piece of metal ripping through my head.
2. Will I survive and be a severe vegetable making life 1000 times harder than it already is?
3. Will I see or be aware of a hole in my head and brains and blood everywhere?
4. How long will it take to die, and what will that be like knowing I've made an irreversible decision?
5. Is there a hell I will go to and suffer forever?
These are just a few reasons I haven't done it yet. It boils down to fear.

 

[Takamagahara]

I haven't tasted the sweetness of getting back at her. The abuse and suffering the closest person to my heart's been causing me for years and now left me alone to fight terminal illness by myself. I just want to die knowing she got what she deserves. Only then will I die peacefully

I have thought about something like this a lot and done a lot to restrain my resulting violent impulses. I fantasize about what my revenge ought to look like. Honestly, I wouldn't CTB if something really, really bad happened to her; it would give me some kind of sign that there is at least a little bit of fairness or justice in the world.

But it's not going to happen; she's going to live a perfectly happy and problem-free life and in the end, I can't bring myself to actively harm someone else, especially someone I used to care about. So, gunshot to the head for me.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I currently feel mentally trapped, and I am also conflicted in thought. I have wanted to die for a long, long time due to reasons which I have already stated in other threads, and those reasons still hold true right now; one of those reasons is to stop myself from growing older. However there are also a few reasons and goals that have resurfaced which are compelling me to live, but by continuing to exist to complete these goals my anxiety and unhappiness with growing older also increase. This is where the conflict stems from.

 

[meowmeowkitty]

i have two kitties :(
i don't want to hurt my mom or my brother :(
and i wanna travel :( but am broke..

 

[ShotgunShell]

I'm just a pussy, a loser too scared to do it. It's all I think about and yet I'm still too scared.

 

[enough of this]

Scared.. and the delusional belief that I could be wanted one day...

That's exactly why I haven't CTB. I've been afraid of living and afraid of dying. But I'm so much less afraid of dying these days that CTB is much more attractive now.

 

[wristcutangel]

lack of access to any method, doesn't matter if it's peaceful to me.

 

[whywere]

Keeping someone else alive, they're luckier than me. I have less to lose.

I care about them so much, I don't want to leave them alone in this. Yet I feel like I'm not their priority, I feel useless. Maybe I'm putting too much on someone I don't know all the way. Maybe it's just me being afraid

You are truly a lovely and caring spirit! I read your post and it hit me like a ton of bricks, just so wonderful!

You are a shining light in the seas of darkness for some as your thoughtfulness towards others is beyond, just WOW!

I wish I could be half what you are, as I sure can learn from you.

Have a great weekend filled with sunny skies and fields of flowers.

Walter,

 

[FoulMentalityReview]

I think its because I'm afraid of somehow going through what a friend of mine did, they attempted to ctb via gunpowder and instead of getting to the destination theyre now a quadriplegic.. who doesn't have the ability to ctb now. I also have kids who sadly have a not so great other parent and im afraid they'll suffer. I just wish it was one click one loud crack and never again wake up in this hell hole. I have thee absolute worst luck in the world so if there's a way to not complete the task I'd end up doing just that and pull through and be handicapped or completely bed ridden.

 

[girlsboysthems]

afraid of failing once again

 

[Vitya]

I have thought about something like this a lot and done a lot to restrain my resulting violent impulses. I fantasize about what my revenge ought to look like. Honestly, I wouldn't CTB if something really, really bad happened to her; it would give me some kind of sign that there is at least a little bit of fairness or justice in the world.

But it's not going to happen; she's going to live a perfectly happy and problem-free life and in the end, I can't bring myself to actively harm someone else, especially someone I used to care about. So, gunshot to the head for me.

It's just that feeling of injustice and unfairness against you that squeezes you and torments you that doesn't let you die. Otherwise if that feeling was gone things might have been different and we wouldn't have been here now. People say karma will get back at those who wronged us but we see good things happen to bad people and vice versa all the time. This world is full of injustices... It's such a dreadful situations for individuals like us to be left suffering like this

Keeping someone else alive, they're luckier than me. I have less to lose.

I care about them so much, I don't want to leave them alone in this. Yet I feel like I'm not their priority, I feel useless. Maybe I'm putting too much on someone I don't know all the way. Maybe it's just me being afraid

If only there were more people like you... I wish the people in my life were as loving and as caring before it led to such a low point... If only I wasn't left alone like this it would have been much different. I know it might hurt but... Please. Be there for those who cherish you and cherish them back. You never know who you mean the world to... Thank you

 

[lamentos]

I have been thinking about ctb for about three years now. And at some point I realized that somehow I managed to find little hopes to hold on to. And looking back on these 3 years, I think my life has changed for the better, really. And I have been having therapy sessions for 6 months now, have used several different medications and even though I'm not in the place that I want to be, I think I can deal with that. Life is meaningless in the existence of death and I can ctb anytime I want to, it is surprisingly easy to buy required stuff for the SN method and since I'm a med student, I can literally ask doctors for some simple antacids, antiemetics etc. They are my colleagues after all. But I'm not doing that because even if I did, I would probably have a stupid reason to hold on to the life. But still, I'm not trying to get rid of the idea of suicide. Why would I? It's relieving, it's like a blanket that I thought it protects me from darkness when I was a child. When the things start to go south to the point that I can't deal with, I'll use that blanket. Poof! Today I'm here, tomorrow, gone! I'm that ready. I'm not here forever. Like I've said before, life is meaningless with everything in it which means my existence is as meaningless as my absence. And I choose to exist because unlike others, I have the power to commit suicide which is given me by the idea of suicide, itself.

TLDR: Rage keeps me alive, I suppose.

 

[Eyler]

My indifference, is too purely confused. I myself haven't done it considering there is one of a kind that is really attached to me, if I were to consider doing it, I would place upon tons of trauma to them.

Causing them to suffer knowing the fact they could have done something.. or just miss me. I as well have someone else who is younger than me that looks up to me, if I were to do it, I'm scared I would influence him later on to do the same.

I don't want him to go through the pain that I will be causing. I would feel too guilty. I wouldn't be able to accept it. There is a slight chance that the one I was talking about earlier might even join me, and I don't want that, I want them to continue and get hope. So all I have to do is wait, and patience.

For the right moment.

 

[ctvunny]

Still thinking of other ways to exit but Ill probably start practicing for hanging in a few days.

 

[unfortunatelyhere]

Was assuming, now wishing that my tonic-clonic seizures will finish me off unconsciously

The seizures are the worst, especially when you are coming back around

 

[Unattainable666]

One reason and one reason only - fear of failure

 

[XenoPyo]

Main reason I havent commited ctb is due to trouble with finding SN. Ive spent alot of time and still no source.