why haven't you commit suicide yet

[MiraiShisen]

just waiting until my illness will be so bad I wont be able to withstand pain then I will do it

 

[gov]

why haven't you ctb yet

nothing to kill myself with

 

[SeaBreeze]

Was assuming, now wishing that my tonic-clonic seizures will finish me off unconsciously

 

[MidnightGloom]

It feels like I'm waiting for a miracle by delaying and purposely pausing everything in the middle to force myself to stay alive longer. It just angers me too much to think about what'll happen after I die, when everybody cries over my body acting like they ever understood me or cared for me before my death.

 

[sometimes.sometimes]

Because I keep having hope, for some reason...

 

[morbidtoby]

motivation is at an all time low due to mental health

 

[smokingfish99]

The tiny hope I'll get better, but that hope has nearly vanished

 

[pjf]

im attempting to recover, thats mostly the reason why. I think its right to at least do my due diligence before CTB. It does get very tempting at certain times though

 

[jbear824]

My preferred method is out of reach for me.

But I'm also staying for my partner. I just can't abandon him to this world all alone, I love him too much to hurt him by ctb. I just can't do it to him, he doesn't deserve that trauma. and he does make me happy. There are just other life things that make me want to end it. But he's a big counterweight to that right now. If we were to part ways I don't think I would have nearly as much holding me here.

So I'm kind of left to cope with being trapped/stuck with these very conflicting, irreconcilable feelings.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

fear of failure

 

[99o9898iijh7]

Keeping someone else alive, they're luckier than me. I have less to lose.

I care about them so much, I don't want to leave them alone in this. Yet I feel like I'm not their priority, I feel useless. Maybe I'm putting too much on someone I don't know all the way. Maybe it's just me being afraid

 

[cloakedbear]

aside from fears, pains, or lack of resources, i'm lowkey just lazy

 

[Aya&Dazy]

wasted my life and wasted money until it almost gone and then I will kms.

 

[TAW122]

Lack of reliable access to an effective (not peaceful by any means) method currently and also more loose ends to tie up before I take the plunge, though of course, future events or things could either expedite that or push it back...

 

[hdahsa]

Just waiting to tie up some financial things. I do not want to ctb leaving behind anything for folks to clean up.

Not afraid of death or a little pain. SN is ready. There is no other option visible other than ctb. Only a matter of some months.

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

Because I found out that even though things are failing right now, I still have hopes. Also, I wanna marry the man I love and have kids.

 

[SMK1444]

Well I guess I'm just a pussy, plain and simple and every time I get the courage I can never get the method right. It's an endless cycle of suffering.

 

[𖣂𖣂𖣂.]

Waiting till I have a bad breakdown that's when I do it so I will go confidently

 

[Rūkas.Psichozė]

My cat wouldn't understand why I left- I still have one last thing left to do

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Just waiting to tie up some financial things. I do not want to ctb leaving behind anything for folks to clean up.

Not afraid of death or a little pain. SN is ready. There is no other option visible other than ctb. Only a matter of some months.

This is where I'm at too. My SN and other meds are ready aside from a few concerns I have but I'd say it's only a matter of months for me too.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

My cat wouldn't understand why I left- I still have one last thing left to do

lmao

 

[groucho]

Family

 

[Pluto]

Commitment issues.

 

[MoonDrop]

Afraid it will hurt. Afraid of panic. General fear. I don't even want to die. The abuse just won't stop.

 

[Gloomislost]

I haven't yet because of my brother. He's 16 and already knows I'm struggling and so is he because of our childhood. I don't think I'm ready to CTB because I don't want him to be alone.
We've been together since his birth and haven't separated since, I don't want to leave him yet unless my will is perfect and all my belongings get sold so he can have money for therapy and such. I could basically leave this world very quick but since he's still alive, I want to stay a little longer just so he knows I'm here for him until I'm not.

 

[SadPingu]

Hope I guess maybe? I haven't exhausted all my avenues yet. I had 16 months stability until recently and it was amazing so maybe it can be like that again. Although this is the closest I've ever been to considering CTB. I kinda tell myself OK see where you are in X months and go from there.

 

[Unknown21]

Lack of money.
Fear of failure.

 

[Mtnwildflowers]

I keep putting off the date to attend certain things like a family member's wedding or big life moment because I don't want to ruin those things for loved ones.

I'm very hopeless but I think secretly I've been wanting something to change so I can want to live and have a good life. I feel like at this point it's just reality that I don't. I've tried the psychiatric treatment route for decades, and it never helped. I've been told my mental illness (bipolar disorder) is sometimes terminal by my therapist and agree.

 

[avaruus]

im scared of failing and the pain that comes with it, i just want to stop existing

 

[fruitty]

im scared of dying. i dont wanna die, but my life is so shit