Venting Why don't people get it?

[athousandsorrows]

I just had a super unpleasant interaction with my stepmother. As I've posted before, I'm living in my dad's house since I lost my job, pretty much forced since they took away my apartment and my stuff. Anyway, they were "kind" enough to let me bring my dog and she's staying with me. Last night it was raining non-stop and they have a small garden/patio where my dog has been trained to poop and pee and do her stuff. Since it was raining so bad, I waited until this morning to clean up her poops.

Turns out watching where you walk is only for people with pets apparently. My stepmother stepped on some poop and she just came and literally shoved her dirty shoes in my face, told me "I don't know how, but you're going to clean this up" in the most condescending way. Then, she shoved a broom to my face and told me to also sweep the leaves "as a favor to the house".

I did everything without uttering a word, but I was simmering inside with anger. That's no way to talk to anybody. So, I missed a poop when I picked them up this morning, and she wasn't looking and stepped on it. Yeah, that sucks, but that's no excuse to talk to me like that. I already feel like the bug of the family and she just reinforced that feeling. All she had to do was tell me she'd stepped on dog shit and I would've apologized for missing it and still would've cleaned up everything. And if she wanted the leaves cleaned up as well, well all she had to do was ask, in a nice way.

I NEVER refuse to help. It's one of my many, many flaws, can't say no. She knows that, so what's the need of talking down to me? It really angers me. There are ways to say things, especially when you know you're dealing with someone who is depressed. I'm so tired of trying to convince them that I am. What do I have to do? I have no job, no friends, no boyfriend, no money, no nothing. What else do they want? I've sent them articled, even tried talking to them in person, nothing works. They still treat me like dirt and it's like they don't even want to listen, they're so sure they've got it all figured out, that I'm just lazy and want to take advantage of them.

I should mention that I do not ask them for money in the least, just a roof over my head. I smoke heavily, always have since I was 15. I buy my own cigarettes, I buy my own hygiene stuff, I buy my pets' food and everything they might need. I make some money by doing some transcription jobs when I have the energy, but sure it's not enough for me to be completely independent and I can't hold down a job. Anyway, I try my hardest not to be a burden and for them not to feel like I'm abusing them. What else can I do? I'm losing my mind here.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

Thats a bummer.

I just wrote and deleted heaps of bullying anecdotes from my own life .

It is difficult to meet others expectations .

I have to get a job ... I'm stuck in the middle of stuff .

People are expecting me to help THEM ... I don't really see any point ... beyond having another cigarette ( the depression sufferers best friend ... )

I have to tidy up my unit .
I have to phone and cancel another appointment in another town .
I have to make traction with the real world.

I have to choose legitimate suffering ... otherwise I will neuroticise another year away ( 2 down ).

I know we're all on the edge here ...
I think we have to pretend to 'be into it ' ... some philistine enthusiasm for the trivial ( getting on ).

Sorry you are in a bad space .

Have you done much reading about the various models of depression ?

I can't remember anything off hand , but a lot of it comes from maintaining dynamics that are filled with past trauma.
Your description of yourself as the Florence Nightingale of the family fits ... being 'the rescuer' ... becoming the 'scapegoat'.

It's a boundary problem ... not knowing what one is responsible for and taking on too much of other peoples bullshit.

I spent thirty years as an alcoholic in a small town with a bullying father and big brother .
I was living proof as to how sensible and virtuous their philistine collaboration virtue was in comparison to my flakey alternative 'things should be different man' neurotic helplessness.

And don't get me started on the retards I worked for .

Freud: " humans are trash".

There are some nice folk ... but get the fuckers in a herd and you can't see the pecking for the blood .

Sorry I can't help. I don't think anyone can . If you don't get the 'thrival' software installed ... ( i am worthy , i deserve happiness , i am allowed to succeed , i am , iam , i am etc ) as a kid , it's a mission to do it later in life .

But it is the mission .

I've spent a lifetime reading this and that self help ... Becker hit the ball out of the park , and it's just building it up from there . The deep hole of pessimistic creaturely driven fear fueled cruelty .

We are in the midst of it .

Our families are probably the last people who will ever understand us .

They are not a source of nurturing.

They may provide for us out of responsibility ... but the maintained proximity to foundation trauma undoes the help . ?

You really will not like this ... and I know you feel helpless , but if you walked away you would be so busy 'surviving' you wouldn't even think about your family again .

I came back to this small town thirty years ago and it was my biggest mistake .
" I'm on my own ... in MY world ."
best start living then .

Instead I sought help from my family ... expecting their help , and it never came .
It was learnt helplessness maybe .

I just maintained my crazy with booze and self destruction .

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

sorry for that barrage of bullshit.

I do sympathize ... but I think from experience we can be our own worst enemies

 

[Ben]

Why do people think one is simply lazy, unwilling to be happy, unwilling to change or try harder? People honestly think it's one's fault in every single aspect to be feeling this way. When you come to the conclusion that you want to end your life, it should be assumed that you have damn good reasons for arriving to that conclusion! It angers me so much to be so misunderstood. I feel like I've tried my best to live a happy life and I just can't be happy. There's no magic switch that you willingly turn on or off for happiness. You either are and can be happy, or you aren't or can't.- That's it. I'm being constantly attacked for "being lazy" or "not wanting to change", as if it truly were a choice! Hell, if I could choose to be happy, I would be! Why do people think you LIKE living in misery? I'm so angry. Just wanted to vent a little since I just had a horrible conversation with someone trying to convince me it's all on me. To those people who just want to impose their way of thinking, I say F%$K YOU!

I feel exactly the same except I don't have any anger in me left. Im isolated from people I have to defend myself to.

 

[bigj75]

It's because people don't comprehend and fully understand the effects of depression /mental illness.

I've studied psychology for years. Depression not only is mental but physiological aswell. It literally makes you weaker, physically exaughsted, feel lack of purpose, lack of the will to live, destroys positive emotion in all things, increases stress hormones, etc. People don't just choose all those things to have.

I remember at one point in my life when I wasnt severely depressed I had energy, wasn't lazy, etc.

So depression is not a choice.

 

[Psychospazz91]

I think people just need something to blame. Its hard to accept reality, even when its staring you in the face. They question whether or not they could have prevented it, and drive themselves crazy wondering why. But until they've been in your shoes, and saw death as the only viable option, they'll never fully understand no matter how hard they try. I battle my mind every day, and its exhausting. But I won't hold it against others for thinking I'm weak, because they don't know what it's like.

 

[bigj75]

I think people just need something to blame. Its hard to accept reality, even when its staring you in the face. They question whether or not they could have prevented it, and drive themselves crazy wondering why. But until they've been in your shoes, and saw death as the only viable option, they'll never fully understand no matter how hard they try. I battle my mind every day, and its exhausting. But I won't hold it against others for thinking I'm weak, because they don't know what it's like.

good point.

 

[worldexploder]

People who have decent lives seem to be arrogant about their own capabilities and ignorant of other peoples disabilities. They got the whole "you can be just like me" mentality going on. Each brain is wired differently. We can't help that.

There is a serious debate going on in the neurological community on wether or not free will even exists and to what extent if any.

 

[bigj75]

People who have decent lives seem to be arrogant about their own capabilities and ignorant of other peoples disabilities. They got the whole "you can be just like me" mentality going on. Each brain is wired differently. We can't help that.

There is a serious debate going on in the neurological community on wether or not free will even exists and to what extent if any.

so damn true!