Why does nobody care about my plans to ctb soon

[ChildOfLove]

I've explicitly told my only friend about my plans to ctb by the end of this month, told him I bought SN (sadly it has yet to be delivered because I fucked up my first order) and meto and that I cannot keep going. He knows he could stop me, so my question is if I ever mattered to him even just a tiny bit, why does he not care? Wouldn't he at least try or wanna spend at least some time with me before I leave? He has gone completely quiet on me and doesn't even check up on me anymore. Like I get it that he is tired of me and everything, but then again I don't understand how he can sit idly by knowing that my literal life is on the line. I guess it won't matter once I do it. But it hurts so damn much. I really believed that even if the rest of this world didn't care, he would be there until the end. I hate that I am all alone and these are my last days. I'm likely stuck waiting longer for the SN because of Easter and shipping delays.

I was planning on sending a long goodbye and apology to him but since he probably muted me on disc he won't even be notified. I thought about sending it to his girlfriend who despises me and says I am ruining her life instead, but she will likely dismiss it and won't even tell him I texted her with something like this. I don't know what to do. I won't be leaving notes for anyone else. Just that one message, if it even gets read. Those will be my last words. I really wish for him to read what I've written. I don't want to disappear just like that, like I was never there.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Im gonna say people respond to death differently. Hard to know whats actually going through his mind, or his emotional state.

 

[imOK]

A different question that might be ask would be: Why do you?

 

[Worndown]

It is possible he is so overwhelmed by your statement he just kept looking and moving forward. Not everyone is prepared or even capable of processing this information.
If/when you are going do this, text him. Leave her out of this. She sounds like a "small" person and will only distract everyone.

 

[DivineSpark]

Yeah, many people dont give a fuck. I am surrounded by people who dont want me to do suicide. They love me. I pretty much live for their sake.

 

[ChildOfLove]

It is possible he is so overwhelmed by your statement he just kept looking and moving forward. Not everyone is prepared or even capable of processing this information.
If/when you are going do this, text him. Leave her out of this. She sounds like a "small" person and will only distract everyone.

Yeah ideally I would send the apology/goodbye message only to him, but I owe an apology to her as well. I feel like she doesn't want me to talk to him. On a side note last time he used her as a proxy to talk to me and she non-kindly asked of me to stop bothering the hell out of him. The least I can do is respect that boundary or at least ask before overstepping it

A different question that might be ask would be: Why do you?

I've never had anyone care about me throughout my life, and I hoped at least in death someone would. I just want to feel like I mattered.

 

[Forever Sleep]

No need to respond if it's too personal but, have you been in this situation before with them? Revealing ideation or, suggesting suicide?

It's sad to say but I think some people just can't handle the emotional rollercoaster of it all. I think maybe they distance themselves to try and shield themselves from it. It would be nicer/ kinder if they could be there for their friends but I guess some just can't.

If it's a case that your emotional well being rests on them- they could save you- type thing. Yes- they should. They should care enough to do that but again- that's a very big thing to carry- to feel responsible for someone else's life. If it's not the first time it's happened too, they may feel that they can't go through it again.

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this though. I'm not trying to blame you here. I think shit can happen to us in life to make us really need others. It's just to try to see it from his point of view.

 

[2messdup]

I've explicitly told my only friend about my plans to ctb by the end of this month, told him I bought SN (sadly it has yet to be delivered because I fucked up my first order) and meto and that I cannot keep going. He knows he could stop me, so my question is if I ever mattered to him even just a tiny bit, why does he not care? Wouldn't he at least try or wanna spend at least some time with me before I leave? He has gone completely quiet on me and doesn't even check in on me anymore. Like I get it that he is tired of me and everything, but then again I don't understand how he can sit idly by knowing that my literal life is on the line. I guess it won't matter once I do it. But it hurts so damn much. I really believed that even if the rest of this world didn't care, he would be there until the end. I hate that I am all alone and these are my last days. I'm likely stuck waiting longer for the SN because of Easter and shipping delays.

I was planning on sending a long goodbye and apology to him but since he probably muted me on disc he won't even be notified. I thought about sending it to his girlfriend who despises me and says I am ruining her life instead, but she will likely dismiss it and won't even tell him I texted her with something like this. I don't know what to do. I won't be leaving notes for anyone else. Just that one message, if it even gets read. Those will be my last words. I really wish for him to read what I've written. I don't want to disappear just like that, like I was never there.

He's scared and doesn't know what to say or do maybe?

Yeah ideally I would send the apology/goodbye message only to him, but I owe an apology to her as well. I feel like she doesn't want me to talk to him. On a side note last time he used her as a proxy to talk to me and she non-kindly asked of me to stop bothering the hell out of him. The least I can do is respect that boundary or at least ask before overstepping it


I've never had anyone care about me throughout my life, and I hoped at least in death someone would. I just want to feel like I mattered.

You matter to us. You're part of this community.

 

[ChildOfLove]

No need to respond if it's too personal but, have you been in this situation before with them? Revealing ideation or, suggesting suicide?

It's sad to say but I think some people just can't handle the emotional rollercoaster of it all. I think maybe they distance themselves to try and shield themselves from it. It would be nicer/ kinder if they could be there for their friends but I guess some just can't.

If it's a case that your emotional well being rests on them- they could save you- type thing. Yes- they should. They should care enough to do that but again- that's a very big thing to carry- to feel responsible for someone else's life. If it's not the first time it's happened too, they may feel that they can't go through it again.

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this though. I'm not trying to blame you here. I think shit can happen to us in life to make us really need others. It's just to try to see it from his point of view.

I might have been in this situation with him before I suppose. Well, not exactly. I have attempted ctb after he left me last year. Seven months later he came back and I told him about it. He also was planning on doing it, but something stopped him in the end, and he told me about it too. We are both suicidal and have our fair share of problems. We've also always been quite open about ideation and wanting to die and whatnot.

And yeah, you guessed it, I am painfully dependent on him for my well-being. But to be fair, I don't want to be saved. My only wish is probably to spend some time with him before I ctb. It's been over three weeks since we last spoke. I don't really talk to anyone else, like I said he's my only friend, and that makes it all the more painful.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

maybe doesn't know what to do

 

[Forever Sleep]

I might have been in this situation with him before I suppose. Well, not exactly. I have attempted ctb after he left me last year. Seven months later he came back and I told him about it. He also was planning on doing it, but something stopped him in the end, and he told me about it too. We are both suicidal and have our fair share of problems. We've also always been quite open about ideation and wanting to die and whatnot.

And yeah, you guessed it, I am painfully dependent on him for my well-being. But to be fair, I don't want to be saved. My only wish is probably to spend some time with him before I ctb. It's been over three weeks since we last spoke. I don't really talk to anyone else, like I said he's my only friend, and that makes it all the more painful.

I feel so bad for you. You obviously have a mutually close and dependent relationship. I can to some extent relate to really needing someone and then, losing them. Both friends and family members.

I wonder- if he is attempting to recover- whether that is part of it also. That he may feel it's too triggering for him at the moment. It's very sad because I feel like if you do do it, he may well regret not being there for you. I suppose we can only act on how we feel at the time though.

It's not exactly mature and, it isn't anywhere near the same but- when I knew a close friend of mine was moving far away, I began to distance myself from them beforehand. It was a bit cruel but, I felt like I needed a cooling off period before the full break. Sometimes, we probably know how we should act but, we may not have the strength ourselves to do it. It's selfish self protection I suppose. A little petty too- a kind of- if you're going to leave me, I'll leave first.

Obviously, there ought to be more compassion with a suicide attempt but, I guess we are fallable as humans. Sadly, I've heard numerous stories of people being abandoned when they're honest with friends and loved ones. And, they wonder why people keep quiet about it. I hope you do have some contact beforehand.

 

[ChildOfLove]

maybe doesn't know what to do

I just want him to talk to me...

 

[Cinnamorolls]

Unfortunately, many people don't take talk of suicide seriously and think suicidal people are just lying/baiting, either for attention or to manipulate them. So they just ignore the suicidal person or put aside all discussion of the suicide, thinking the person will just move on and they were never really going to do it. Might be the case here.