Venting All I do is daydream about my dead boyfriend

[BlueButterfly111]

That's basically what I spend all my time doing now, I try to do other things but none of it makes me feel the way doing this does. I daydream about our memories together, how soft his skin felt, how good it felt to hold him, how cute his voice was, I still remember it very clearly, I still remember him very clearly, that's why I wanted to die with his memory still very much alive and vivid in my mind.

I remember the first time he told me he loved me, I remember us holding hands at the park together, I remember how good his skin felt and how good his hands felt on my skin. I remember how safe and comfortable I felt as he held me until I fell asleep, and I loved kissing his cute little baby face. I loved kissing his eyelids when they were closed and his eyebrows, I know that's weird but I just loved doing it, he was very cute. I don't think that anyone could be as perfect for me as he was, I think he was my soulmate.

I dated a few other people before him and for the most part I didn't feel anything, but with him I felt everything, everything was perfect. The best way I can describe his love is that none of the love songs and movies made sense until there was him.

Above all I daydream about the day that I get to be reunited with him in death, I can't wait. I made many posts about the fact that my Sn hasn't arrived, I think the universe is taunting me and doesn't want me to die. But I think drowning isn't too bad if it doesn't show up. As long as I get to be reunited with him in death, that's all that matters. I hope that it will come soon.

 

[Dinistro]

I'm very sorry for your lost and I understand how much these moments mean.
My girlfriend is the reason I'm still alive, started calling her angel because she saved me by a miracle.
Thought the universe gave me a sign to at least try fighting for our future.
Your boyfriend is watching over you, and if you focus enough, you will feel his warm touch.
I sincerely hope you find the right path, whatever it would be
~ Fellow autistic person (Dm if you wanna vent ^^)

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I'm very sorry for your lost and I understand how much these moments mean.
My girlfriend is the reason I'm still alive, started calling her angel because she saved me by a miracle.
Thought the universe gave me a sign to at least try fighting for our future.
Your boyfriend is watching over you, and if you focus enough, you will feel his warm touch.
I sincerely hope you find the right path, whatever it would be
~ Fellow autistic person (Dm if you wanna vent ^^)

Awww that is so sweet that you call your girlfriend your angel, he is definitely my angel for sure, and he was my reason for living as well! And your right, sometimes if I think about it enough I can like literally feel his touch again, and I have dreams about him as well so I know that he's still with me. Thank you you as well!