Why does ctb have to be so hard

[copioushopelessness]

I was just smoking a cigarette outside near the train tracks. It goes faster at night. During the day it's so slow. There was a cop waiting at the light. I started crying when it passed wishing I had just done it. It's not my preferred method. Who would prefer that method, and no I don't want to traumatize anyone involved. It wasn't a plan I didn't know it was coming, I happened to be outside near it at the time.
Months ago I threw away my preferred method thinking I was going to give life another chance but everything keeps getting worse and I'm getting sicker. Having a hard time finding it again, the person I got it from is in jail...
I have many health problems, life problems and extreme trauma. Ruined further by medication I wish I never started. Brain damage.
I thought I found sn but I guess it's the wrong source. I'm so desperate.

 

[Terrible_Life]

Because our governments are bastards who rather enjoy raping minor girls than giving us a humane way out by legalizing Nembutal for everyone by respecting our damn wish to end our life. All a suicidal person is left with is isolation because he can't talk openly about it without ending in a psych ward and the other sad thing is the suicidal person is forced to use a horrible method. Yes in my opinion nearly all methods are horrible and no one should have to die like that but instead peacefully in a warm bed while listening one final time to his favorite song but no governments don't allow this who tf are they to decide about the life of millions of people ? Well as I said they are nothing else than some pedo bastards with some power.

 

[BradGuy123]

Because our governments are bastards who rather enjoy raping minor girls than giving us a humane way out by legalizing Nembutal for everyone by respecting our damn wish to end our life. All a suicidal person is left with is isolation because he can't talk openly about it without ending in a psych ward and the other sad thing is the suicidal person is forced to use a horrible method. Yes in my opinion nearly all methods are horrible and no one should have to die like that but instead peacefully in a warm bed while listening one final time to his favorite song but no governments don't allow this who tf are they to decide about the life of millions of people ? Well as I said they are nothing else than some pedo bastards with some power.

This is so true. I've been to a few therapists in my life and one of the first things they tell me is that I tell them I am suicidal and I'm serious about that they are required to break confidentiality and report. I'd be committed. I don't want anyone to CTB. But I do believe in choice and that people should have autonomy of their own bodies. Because our society is s anti-choice I'd be forced to use a method that is not foolproof in which I might suffer doing the process oof doing so or worse live through it and have horrible physical consequences.

 

[dragon.//]

I agree and relate alot, i genuinely have to much hate towards SI. Why does it have to be so strong

 

[uselessmanz]

I agree and relate alot, i genuinely have to much hate towards SI. Why does it have to be so strong

I've been trying to CTB for about two years now.

I have perfected a method that will get me to a location at least 160 feet above ground on a balcony with a fall straight onto concrete provided that I make a small leap from the railing. I hit my weed pen like 7 times to overcome SI but diddnt work. The time before that I used lorazepam but that diddnt work either as I just fell asleep.

The next time I can access that location is in 3-4 weeks, i think alcohol is the next move for me.

Thoughts?
Basically anything that makes me go unconscious even for a second so I can fall backwards. Helium? Anisthesia? Idk

 

[dragon.//]

I've been trying to CTB for about two years now.

I have perfected a method that will get me to a location at least 160 feet above ground on a balcony with a fall straight onto concrete provided that I make a small leap from the railing. I hit my weed pen like 7 times to overcome SI but diddnt work. The time before that I used lorazepam but that diddnt work either as I just fell asleep.

The next time I can access that location is in 3-4 weeks, i think alcohol is the next move for me.

Thoughts?
Basically anything that makes me go unconscious even for a second so I can fall backwards. Helium? Anisthesia? Idk

I don't know if there's any thing that will make you go unconscious like that. I think your problem is that you are thinking too much when you are standing there. Which leads to alot of fear. Alcohol like you mentioned could help. You need to try to think as little as possible.