Discussion Why do you want to die?

[Baskol1]

Why exactly do you want to die? Do you have any illnesses who make your life to hell? Do you see no future in your life? Do you have a disability which makes your life very hard? Or what exactly is your reason to ctb? And did you try every other option before this decision? What are your exact reasons?

 

[DyslexicForeigner]

I want to die because I have:
Asperger
Social anxiety
C-PTSD
Dyslexia
Hoarding Disorder
OCD
Tinnitus
Eye floaters
Psychotic depression

 

[Baskol1]

I want to die because I have:
Asperger
Social anxiety
C-PTSD
Dyslexia
Hoarding Disorder
OCD
Tinnitus
Eye floaters
Psychotic depression

Understandable.

 

[DyslexicForeigner]

Understandable.

I regret being born with so many physical illnesses and mental disorder. I resent my parents for bringing me into this really shit world full of evil, injustice, and disease!

 

[k75]

I had certain body parts removed, and I'm unable to accept the fact that they're gone. The surgery left me mutilated. I tried twice with two different plastic surgeons to have reconstructive surgery, and both times failed. I can't live in this body anymore.

I am haunted by the threat of a cancer recurrence. I'm also being heavily monitored for ovarian cancer, because I have a genetic mutation that puts me at risk. I also have chronic pancreatitis and nausea pretty much all the time. I have to constantly take Zofran to make it through the day. And because of the damaged pancreas, I developed diabetes.

I'm losing my best friend of 15 years.

I have severe depression, PTSD, and anxiety. My flashbacks happen as dreams, and I can't escape them. Anxiety through the roof, even when I'm sleeping. I can't escape it. My depression has made me almost dysfunctional. Suicide is on my mind constantly, and I can't calm my racing thoughts.

I have severe anhedonia. I don't enjoy anything anymore. It's even affected my sense of taste, so I can't even enjoy food anymore. It all tastes like poison. And it sucks so bad, because I used to love cooking. Now it's a chore I have to do to stay alive, even though I don't want to. I don't like my hobbies anymore, and I can't work. I'm an artist and can't create anything anymore.

I failed my family and lost my future.

There are other reasons, but those are the big ones.

 

[malummo]

because I don't want to live

 

[ericwilkinson]

Because life is mostly suffering and even if you're born/live in the first world and your middle class, shit can happen fast. You could end up paralysed in a car crash, left unable to work then become homeless.

Even if that doesn't happen, the reality of life means that suffering is baseline. Buddha said it.

Pleasure is temporary, requires effort to attain and stops being "good" due to the hedonic treadmill. Pain on the other hand can last a lifetime, doesn't require any effort to do and humans never get used to it.

 

[Jeko]

Anxiety.
But mainly because I don't know which career path I should follow. That gives upon myself a lot of pressure - but an internal pressure, not given by my parents or relatives.
Besides that, I have unlimited fears about criminality related to where I live - Brazil.

 

[DeepSleep]

Money I guess.
I'm in a best possible physical shape for mine 35 years. Had influenza once in the last 15 years and some tropical fever once on a lifetime. So I consider myself reasonably fit.
But it's all about craving for more money when expectations far exceed the abilities.

 

[Darkdreamer001]

The past childhood wasn't good (physical abuse), the present not good either (emotional abuse), the future seems doom and gloom

 

[epsilon]

Loneliness and hopelessness.

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

Suffered most of my life with depression. Struggle in social situations. Can't do relationships anymore. Most things about life now irritate me. And debt that will take me 60 years to pay off! I just struggle to see what the point of life is. We all die anyway, so why not check out early when I choose!

 

[JimFord99]

Follow 'my exit plan' post, it explains why.

 

[Robbyna]

Severe depression and anxiety destroyed my life. I can't repair the damage and my depression is unmanageable. I also have some health issues which wouldn't be so bad were it not for the other stuff.

 

[JimFord99]

Severe depression and anxiety destroyed my life. I can't repair the damage and my depression is unmanageable. I also have some health issues which wouldn't be so bad were it not for the other stuff.

I totally understand this and I sincerely sympathise with you.

 

[Hel]

Because I will never be good enough to have the things I want and need, mainly love. I can't be with the person I love and I don't want to love forever suffering like this.

 

[sadsadinfp]

Unhappy childhood, bullying, sexual abuse, broken family, uncomfortable in my own skin, depression and anxiety, addictions, inability to stick with anything, repeated failures in school, work and relationships, injury from over a year ago that still hasn't healed, my mind is a hurricane full of intrusive thoughts and flashbacks to the worst parts of my past, criminal record, caused nothing but shame and suffering for my parents, fear of slipping up again and completely ruining my parents' lives.

 

[wanttodie]

Suffered most of my life with depression cant sleep hate life and living

 

[anteater]

I don't see any reason to live, life and death are two sides of the same coin. To die today at 19 or several years later at 70 makes no difference to me.

 

[AnnaJaspers]

Middle aged, ostensibly alone, no family, severe depression, trauma, anxiety, agoraphobia, can't work. Also, I no longer want to participate in a game that is so unfair to so many of us.

I am not a functional human.

 

[CloudedPath]

Tired of life, knowing you'll never be happy. Neither a reason nor will to live

 

[Blackjack]

**Warning, rant ahead**

Growing up, my Mother had chronic depression and my Father was an alcoholic. They divorced, Father disappeared, we struggled financially, I was largely neglected and left to my own devices from a very young age. As a result, I became a chronic overachiever and worked obsessively hard to make something of myself, despite my bleak childhood.

I did everything right...good student, friends, cheerleader, homecoming queen, student government, after school job, bought my first car on my own, active social life. Then put myself through college while working full-time, began building an ultimately successful career, got married, bought & sold houses, had kids, dogs, cats, vacations & more good friends. I was determined to break the cycle and give my kids the kind of life I used to long for. And I did, until now.

Now my beloved sons watch helplessly & horrified as their beloved Mom dies a slow and tortuous death to the terminal disease, ALS. This is not how this was supposed to turn out. This was not the plan. I paid my dues. I worked my ass off. I made all the right choices.

Now I'm planning my exit in the next 2 months to spare them witnessing the gore of the inevitable ravages of this insidious disease. The trajectory of their lives is irreversibly altered and their futures are in jeopardy.

So, fuck you universe. I naively thought that after the shitty start I was given, I had earned the right to a peaceful existence. Boy was I wrong. And now I've brought 2 innocent young humans in to this fucked up world who will undoubtedly struggle due to no fault of their own. The only word that can be used to describe it is SADISTIC. Fuck you universe.

 

[sadsadinfp]

**Warning, rant ahead**

Growing up, my Mother had chronic depression and my Father was an alcoholic. We struggled financially, I was largely neglected and left to my own devices from a very young age. As a result, I became a chronic overachiever and worked hard to make something of myself, despite my bleak childhood.

I did everything right...good student, friends, cheerleader, homecoming queen, student government, after school job, bought my first car on my own, active social life. Then put myself through college, built a career, got married, bought & sold houses, had kids, dogs, cats, vacations & more good friends. I was determined to break the cycle and give my kids the kind of life I used to long for. And I did, until now.

Now my beloved sons watch helplessly & horrified as their beloved Mom dies a slow and tortuous death to the insidious disease, ALS. This is not how this was supposed to turn out. This was not the plan. I paid my dues. I worked my ass off. I made all the right choices.

Now I'm planning my exit in the next 2 months to spare them witnessing the gore of the inevitable ravages of this disease. The trajectory of their lives is irreversibly altered and their futures are in jeopardy.

So, fuck you universe. I naively thought that after the shitty start I was given, I had earned the right to a peaceful existence. Boy was I wrong. And now I've brought 2 innocent young humans in to this fucked up world who will undoubtedly struggle due to no fault of their own. The only word that can be used to describe it is SADISTIC.

That is incredibly sad, I am so so so so sorry. :( I guess I'd just say that if you can, take care of your finances so that your kids will have the best security for the future that you're able to give them. And obviously, let them know you love and have loved them. Losing you is going to affect them for the rest of their lives, of course, but happy memories of a loved one can be a source of comfort and solace in the future. I'm so sorry :(

 

[wanttodie.nz]

Loneliness. Plain and simple

 

[Polar_]

isolation, bipolar that meds only help so much, chronic and oppressive anxiety, the fact that manic episodes have screwed up so much already. And I'm just done. I can't keep coping with the constant suicidal thoughts. I don't want to. I don't care anymore.

 

[AnnaJaspers]

Loneliness. Plain and simple

Loneliness for friends, a lover, family? All three?

 

[wanttodie.nz]

Loneliness for friends, a lover, family? All three?

All three. I have few friends and plans with them always fall through. The woman I love separated from me and I only see my kids every second weekend.

 

[Thorn]

Pain, with no end in sight.

 

[bath salts]

Shitty life and mental illness. No hope for the future. If my future is this bleak may as well just die now.

 

[Kornyboyo]

Benzo withdrawal