Why do you want to die and how old are you ??

[ThisIsTheEnd]

I'm 16 and have been depressed since I started Year 9 at school. I don't know why or anything, I think I have a pretty normal life, everything just feels so fucking empty, and I feel that I'm goddamn useless. I don't really know if I want to die, I just don't see the point in living, especially since I'm completely useless and shouldn't exist.

 

[Oyashiro-sama]

I am 23, I hate myself, I can not lead a normal social life, I have tried it in a million ways and it is impossible for me, I practically do not have friends, I am alone, I feel like crap and it is not something that recently , I feel most practically from always.

At 19 I was in the hospital in "mental health" for suicidal tendencies, I want to leave this fucking world.

 

[rxykfox]

I'm 25. Unemployed. No friends. No partner. Drug addict constantly relapsing. Drugs used to only make life bearable but cause too much damage to my family. I'm ready for the afterlife.

 

[akosineenee]

29. Been struggling with clinical depression, GAD, and OCD since my teens. Sexually and physically abused as a child. Can't seem to hold on to a job (or relationships) for more than a couple of months. Constantly on the brink of unemployment and homelessness. Couldn't finish my studies due to extreme poverty. Was in a D/s relationship two years ago that ended horribly--fucked me up even more than I thought it would be probable. Foster parents died 2013 and 2014. Never knew my biological parents or if I have siblings. Alienated my friends and relatives. Tbh, I could go on and on ...

It's been long overdue. When I was younger, I made a promise to myself that I would ctb ONLY after my foster parents died--that I would take care of them up until the very end. I kept my promise and stayed alive to look after them as they succumb to their illnesses. I just need to follow through with ending my life. It's time.

 

[Mynameisnotimportant]

17 and just feel depressed all the time. I have no friends and my mind is so fucked up from being Mormon as a kid

 

[Edgard]

I'm 26, I'm french, my mom killed herself when I was 4 yo (hanging) but my father put himself together with another woman in like a year or two so I didn't stay without a mom for long even tho it had a deep impact on me.

So I'm depressed for like 20 years or something even tho I felt it more deeply that last 10 years. Went to a lot of shrink. Got under medication for a while. I'm suffering from hyperydrosis which is excessive sweating from hands, feets and underarms. Honestly this disorder didn't help my depression ^^

I tried to kill myself 6 months ago by cutting my wrists but didn't cut enough and I was found by my father. Went to a mental institution but didn't helped me.

"Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) is a procedure, done under general anesthesia, in which small electric currents are passed through the brain, intentionally triggering a brief seizure. ECT seems to cause changes in brain chemistry that can quickly reverse symptoms of certain mental illnesses." And 2 months later I can say it didn't helped me but I know it helped some people with depression so maybe it can help some of you :)

And now I have daily thoughts about killing myself. It is not that I have tremendous suffering in my life, it's just that I don't see the purpose in life since we all die anyway so why bother living ? Why even trying ? I'm sure lots of you had this way of thinking.

Anyway thanks for reading my boring life but I'm glad I found this website, it feels good to be able to talk about this kind of thinks with people that will not judge you and who also lived through tough things.

 

[wezel]

I am not young any more, my mother and her brother both killed themselves, so its a family tradition I will also honour.
The rest is somehow uninteresting: my life is no longer worth mentioning or living, I have given everything I had to give.
Game over.

 

[k475u]

Just have my birthday alone in a faraway country from my home. Gonna be homeless in a few days. My life, I guess if I try it should be a successful life. Well at least according to exam and results at school and college. But I have a huge case of procrastination, I just keep pushing things to next days, weeks, months then year. I ran away from college once, tried again in different major then ran away again. This time I am 26 year old with no degree with some job experience: waiter, delivery, tutor, IELTS part-time teacher and do some web design for my sister product.

I knew my mother and sister have huge expectation for me to get success in life and I am a piece of shit who dont want to do anything but laze my ass around. My family loves me but I feel a bit detached from them, maybe due to pressure. I lied to my family that I am still attending in my 2nd year but in fact I quit after a year. Still, I hope my mother's health wouldnt be too bad after hearing the news, she is quite old already.

I kept telling myself that I should go to college but I do not have any motivation to do that. At least in the first year, my GF was around so I have someone to talk to via skype and chat. But as she decided to go to a different country and gonna live there, we knew that there was no future for us to be together and broke up peacefully. I am thankful for her for keeping up with me in that year.

Now I guess I will first come back to my home country, give back some of the money I still keep and endure my family lecture. Then what? Trying to find some jobs or help my sister with her works? I can, but I dont want to do any of that. I dont see myself anywhere in the future and I dont have much goal in life. I want this life to end already but I still dont really have the guts. Everyday I just hope there are some accidents happen to me so I dont have to off myself. But I understand that the probality is too low so I want to see some kind of painless death here.

 

[SamK]

How to summarize it

This planet is not home for me. i don't belong, i will never find true peace or happiness no matter wht i do. Nothing can help me or change this. I feel suicide is a rational decision at this point. Add on top of that having to take morphine every day for two years because of severe pain all day, a fuc'''ed up family, a past that's so traumatic therapists cry, a handful of friends (all my friends) have died, things are about to get much worse and frankly i can't stick around to see that, i'm beyond depressed, it's unfixable. Everything acts as a plaster, a band aid. I want the permanent solution now. I am full of dread each time i wake in the morning and open my eyes. I am just gone, this world is not for me ,
as selfish as i feel for putting others through ''it''.. it's just got to happen. I cant even properly put into words how low i am, how done i am...

 

[MissZombie]

I'm 25.
Sincerely I have had suicidal ideas since I am 9 years old. I have a difficult life, many family problems, bullying ...
Too many betrayals of many people to whom I gave everything, and in the end, they gave me nothing.

I fell in love with the wrong person and that destroyed me more mentally than I already was.
And although I am not in love anymore, it has left a painful mark that I will have during the time I continue to live.

I have no friends, no partner, no work.
What I do have is an eating disorder, my life is focused on counting calories and trying to lose weight.

But the main thing has been the family where I was born, that destroyed my life.
Since I was a child, I had to manage the money in my house so that my mother and I would not stay on the street, something that has been about to happen on more than one occasion.And even though I love my mother, taking care of a person addicted to drugs, has destroyed me.

 

[SamK]

 

[solacely]

17 and I've dealt with severe mental illness my whole life and treatment doesn't help

 

[why]

16, never had the chance to live a normal life. Abused from birth, genetic diseases, deformations, mental handicaps, etc.

 

[overkill]

33, want to die because I am a failure and can't understand life. I do not belong here.

 

[PsychoPyro]

Too young. Life long agonizing chronic pain from birth to death. Just bringing death closer to me, and therefore minimizing my suffering here. Seems perfectly logical imo.

 

[Meatbrain]

Mid 20s. Life is alright and really nice sometimes, BUT(big but) chronic depression really takes the wind out of things. Fatigue, physical pains, emotional distress, the works.

 

[lostinthedream]

41, just got diagnosed earlier this year with uncontrollable diabetes, facing an agonizing several years of my body progressively shutting down. I also don't have much of a formal education, I have no wife, gf, or children so I've packed light. In general I feel complete that I've been, done, and had everything I was meant to in this incarnation and now waking up every morning feels redundant.

 

[midastic]

17 here,

My reasons for dying:
I feel that I am a horrible person because I feel guilty for all my past misdeeds and I always get paranoia about its consequences. (My main reason)
I gets really bad thoughts/paranoia about what could happen to me which just makes me anxious.
My OCD is fucking me over.
I have the stress and burden of high school (and college) on me, (have to wake up around 5:30-5:45 just to be at school at around 6:30).
I had a somewhat traumatic childhood.
My social anxiety is fucking me over as well, I always feel the guilt about some things that I said or do and something simple as looking at someone will start causing me to get overwhelmed with guilt..

 

[Marystevenson1001]

I'll be 39 in a couple of weeks. I am tired of the emotional pain and lonliness. I literally cannot take it any more. I don't enjoy ANYTHING. Except maybe planning for my ctb. Every time I make a little progress, I feel a bit more relief.

 

[SnowyDreams]

27, depression, anxiety, some compulsions... lots of bad choices that led me to be useless and worthless, unemployable, and without finishing my degree, I hate my body (it's more like a disgust and I want to strip off my skin every single day), and I am basically a failure.

 

[bigj75]

27, depression, anxiety, some compulsions... lots of bad choices that led me to be useless and worthless, unemployable, and without finishing my degree, I hate my body (it's more like a disgust and I want to strip off my skin every single day), and I am basically a failure.

it's not your fault. You got unlucky. Just keep trying to live for something until you can't anymore.

 

[Miss clefable]

I'm 26

I'm just so tired from the evil and hate in this world it's everywhere I'm surrounded by it also I really hate myself to be honest I don't know who I am anymore like a wandering ghost with no purpose

 

[Synthroz]

I'm turning 18 soon, I hate myself , most of the people I thought where good friends don't bother talking to me anymore, And I just don't have much to live for.