Discussion Why do you want to CTB ?

[epic]

I want to do it because of my terminal illness.Always wonder why other people want to do it ?

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Because I am sick of life and its bullshit ground hog day

 

[AbandonedStudio]

Because I feel like I don't belong in this world. I always feel judged in this society.

 

[epic]

Because I am sick of life and its bullshit ground hog day

Why ?

Because I feel like I don't belong in this world. I always feel judged in this society.

Why do you feel so ?

 

[JimFord99]

Because my past is haunting me, no matter how hard I try to change my life. I just cannot be a good person.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Why ?

I am sick of negativity, I am sick of nothing ever changing and people happy to sit knowing tears and screams and arguments are part of daily life, I am sick of trying to bring change but it falling back to the comfort of what the other person knows, I am sick of listening to screams and tears instead of smiles and laughter. I am sick of feeling worthless and pointless, I am sick of self loathing, I am sick of hatred and anger, I am sick of not knowing where my levels are, never in the middle, either rock bottom or through the roof, no control no hope,
I am sick of resulting to causing myself pain in the form of self harm as anger urges through my body, lost control need to lash out at myself before i hurt someone else,
I am sick of mental pain, memories, and sick of anxiety and panic attacks. I am sick of no help, not taken seriously by professionals, sick of life, sick of living a life of unhappiness and misery. Nothing ever changes, NOTHING, and I am sick of it.
This is why for me it's game over, I am done, I am no longer afraid, I want out.

 

[JimFord99]

I am sick of negativity, I am sick of nothing ever changing and people happy to sit knowing tears and screams and arguments are part of daily life, I am sick of trying to bring change but it falling back to the comfort of what the other person knows, I am sick of listening to screams and tears instead of smiles and laughter. I am sick of feeling worthless and pointless, I am sick of self loathing, I am sick of hatred and anger, I am sick of not knowing where my levels are, never in the middle, either rock bottom or through the roof, no control no hope,
I am sick of resulting to causing myself pain in the form of self harm as anger urges through my body, lost control need to lash out at myself before i hurt someone else,
I am sick of mental pain, memories, and sick of anxiety and panic attacks. I am sick of no help, not taken seriously by professionals, sick of life, sick of living a life of unhappiness and misery. Nothing ever changes, NOTHING, and I am sick of it.
This is why for me it's game over, I am done, I am no longer afraid, I want out.

Hmm, life never changes, in fact, it sucks. I know and I understand you.

 

[Hollie]

For me I'm not even sure there is a reason, it's just reached a point where it's all I feel, 24/7. Like something broke in my brain - and there are so many contributory factors to that

 

[JimFord99]

Ya, there always many things, not just one, it does not have to be one particular reason, just bits of many.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Hmm, life never changes, in fact, it sucks. I know and I understand you.

Someone once said to me life is what you make it... but what if you try and make it different but those you live it with, are happy with what they know, so in effect nothing changes... yea life is bullshit and what you make of it means nothing!

 

[JimFord99]

Someone once said to me life is what you make it... but what if you try and make it different but those you live it with, are happy with what they know, so in effect nothing changes... yea life is bullshit and what you make of it means nothing!

Trust me, I tried, oh yes I tried again and again, but there is no way out. The past is always coming back to me.

 

[hadenough]

I'm sick of people always letting me down, I'm sick of nothing positive coming to me in life. Living has always been a struggle with no reward. Everyone I've known has treated me like shit, they just don't care. Whenever I was stupid enough to trust someone they have betrayed me. No one credits me for any achievement that I have made but they are quick to criticise me for any mistakes. Maybe I'm too sensitive but I don't think so, all I've asked for is a little respect, which has never come.

 

[Hollie]

Ya, there always many things, not just one, it does not have to be one particular reason, just bits of many.

Quite - I tend to think of it in terms of life having evolved with the prime goal of survival and for that instinct to be destroyed must also take a lot of stressing factors

 

[CTB-London]

Because I am gay and hate it. It condemns me to a permanently lonely and miserable existence.

 

[JimFord99]

Indeed, there are.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Because I am gay and hate it. It condemns me to a permanently lonely and miserable existence.

that fucking sucks, there's nothing wrong with you being gay, end day your still you!!!

 

[JimFord99]

Because I am gay and hate it. It condemns me to a permanently lonely and miserable existence.

Ahh, not hating it. I don't think it is a sin to be gay, hey, we are in the 21 st century after all. Don't feel bad about it.

 

[hadenough]

Because I am gay and hate it. It condemns me to a permanently lonely and miserable existence.

Why do you hate being gay? In this day and age many gay people find happiness in life.

 

[JimFord99]

Why do you hate being gay? In this day and age many gay people find happiness in life.

Yep, well said.

 

[Baskol1]

Because I am gay and hate it. It condemns me to a permanently lonely and miserable existence.

No being gay is more accepted than ever.

 

[HGL91]

People saying life never changes, I envy you. My life always changes. I hate how you can work hard for something, love something, and it gets taken away.

A career, a person you love, a house, a car, your youth, it will all be taken eventually.

 

[Mum42]

I want to ctb to escape my ex get away from the fights the manipulation I thought leaving him would be enough but he is still trying to control me.
I've got into so much debt it's out of control and I'm going to lose everything

 

[HGL91]

I want to ctb to escape my ex get away from the fights the manipulation I thought leaving him would be enough but he is still trying to control me.
I've got into so much debt it's out of control and I'm going to lose everything

I'm in the same boat. Dating my ex messed me up financially. He was so controlling. Love is overrated.

 

[Mum42]

@HGL91 My ex alienated me from 2 of my 3 children I lost all contact with my son my eldest daughter comes and goes I lost tax credits lost child benefit and the debt piled up I'm starting a new job soon but it won't touch the debt I'm in.
I'm worried he is winning and by me ctb I've allowed him to win but the day to day struggles are getting worse the voices are getting stronger

 

[HGL91]

@HGL91 My ex alienated me from 2 of my 3 children I lost all contact with my son my eldest daughter comes and goes I lost tax credits lost child benefit and the debt piled up I'm starting a new job soon but it won't touch the debt I'm in.
I'm worried he is winning and by me ctb I've allowed him to win but the day to day struggles are getting worse the voices are getting stronger

That's very stressful. Where are you living right now? Do you have a place to live that you can stay long-term, so you can focus on work, paying off debt, and reconnecting with your children?

 

[Mum42]

That's very stressful. Where are you living right now? Do you have a place to live that you can stay long-term, so you can focus on work, paying off debt, and reconnecting with your children?

That's very stressful. Where are you living right now? Do you have a place to live that you can stay long-term, so you can focus on work, paying off debt, and reconnecting with your children?

when I initially left with my younger two children we stayed with family I now have a shared equity home but with outgoings increasing and incoming decreasing I've not been able pay my debts ex has told so many lies about me my son refuses to have any contact with me

 

[SkycladObserver]

I have asperger syndrome and avoidant personality disorder which makes me unable to work in this society. I dropped out of college which was one of my life's goals. I'm stupid, so no wonder it happened. I've never had anyone who I could call my friend. I'm so lonely :(

I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I don't think it changes in the future. I'm tired of hoping. Now my only wish is to dissarpear.

 

[hadenough]

I have asperger syndrome and avoidant personality disorder which makes me unable to work in this society. I dropped out of college which was one of my life's goals. I'm stupid, so no wonder it happened. I've never had anyone who I could call my friend. I'm so lonely :(

I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I don't think it changes in the future. I'm tired of hoping. Now my only wish is to dissarpear.

I don't want to sound trite but I know many people with Asperger's who have done well for themselves - Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Einstein, Darwin, Jimi Hendrix, Lionel Messi - all have been outstanding in their field, they just needed to find the right calling. Please understand that I'm not trying to minimise the problems you face but hoping to put a new perspective on it.. Avoidant Personality Disorder can be treated over time. I wish you well my friend.

 

[SkycladObserver]

I don't want to sound trite but I know many people with Asperger's who have done well for themselves - Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Einstein, Darwin, Jimi Hendrix, Lionel Messi - all have been outstanding in their field, they just needed to find the right calling. Please understand that I'm not trying to minimise the problems you face but hoping to put a new perspective on it.. Avoidant Personality Disorder can be treated over time. I wish you well my friend.

Well, there are always people with ASD who succeeds. However I have no special ability. A vast majority of people with autism have a lot of problems to live in this society. You don't see their story anywhere because they were unsuccessful.

Even if I found good job I would be still lonely and unaccepted. I don't see any reason to just work all my life without any joy. Why make it longer?

 

[hadenough]

Well, there are always people with ASD who succeeds. However I have no special ability. A vast majority of people with autism have a lot of problems to live in this society. You don't see their story anywhere because they were unsuccessful.

Even if I found good job I would be still lonely and unaccepted. I don't see any reason to just work all my life without any joy. Why make it longer?

Yes, some are successful and others are not. It's not necessarily a special talent that makes them succeed but a style of thinking. Google "the discovery of aspie criteria" by Tony Atwood, a pioneer in ASD research and treatment, this highlights the strengths they have.