Discussion Why do they seem to only care about you when you're dead?

[Wormfood]

When my grand mother had cancer and needed help from the rest of the family no one cared. I had to bathe her and take care of her as a teen. I had to juggle work as well. I even went to the point where I burned out cause I had to come from work 8 pm then be waking up midnight to take care of while waking up 4 am to go to work. At the funeral the rest of the family were howling with 'grief'. It disgusted me. I stepped out of the church and they thought I was being disrespectful. From that day I hate funerals.

I'm miserable now. Feel completely isolated. I could use some help but they don't care about that. When I ctb the same people who wouldn't buy me a breakfast would buy me a glass casket, give me a lots of flowers, be screaming over my corpse getting tears all over my clothes. I imagine they'll even jump in my grave in an attempt to be buried with me. Why do they do this?

 

[Unending]

My simple black and white opinion of it is that it's because they're sad they'll never see the person again and feel bad about things so they want to only remember the good and put on an act of respect that they may have not shown that person in life. I'm sorry for what you've gone through, I'm miserable and isolated as well and know how painful it can be. </3

 

[bed]

I'm not really sure, to some extent I think it comes down to sheer selfishness. A lot of people are so caught up in their own life that they can't or do not want to put in the effort to help/be there for others, resulting in them only showing up to the funeral to be "respectful".

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that a lot of people don't really appear to care when the person is still existing as they see other people's problems as being a burden. But the person dying affects them as maybe the thought of the person being permanently gone from this world is painful to them even if they don't appear to care once the person is still alive. The thought of death is simply a sad thing for a lot of people, which is something I could never relate to and maybe people get upset at funerals as they can be quite emotional as at them people often reflect on the person who's died life.

 

[hellispink]

People are fake. They are evil, selfish, self centered. Look at the state of the world. The trees, the poverty, slave, crime, abuse and more. People are born being shit. That is human nature.

 

[CTB Dream]

Real understand this hman all act no mattre topic keep acti, life no care die pretend care ,this show try make die traged all ignore life problem disease etc this all hypocrite make want Stay live say life ok all lie pretend die ultimate sad where sad sufferi where sad problem all ignore human awful

 

[Rainy_days]

People are fake. They are evil, selfish, self centered. Look at the state of the world. The trees, the poverty, slave, crime, abuse and more. People are born being shit. That is human nature.

OP is an exception though. Much respect to him for caring for his grandma and working with no help.

 

[wait.what]

I feel similarly when I watch true crime shows … when some asshole abuses a kid and the kid dies, you get all these police types going on about putting the victim's picture on their office wall to remind them never to stop trying to get justice for the innocent, etc.

Yet if there's a kid being treated just as badly, but who hasn't died yet, everybody's all "meh." At best, the kid's situation ends up as yet another folder in some overworked county worker's cubicle. At worst, people blame the kid and re-traumatize them with threats. It's even worse when you start talking about yesterday's abused kids, who are now irreparably damaged adults. Nobody wants to hear about that shit. You're not even cute anymore by then. You were supposed to go do hot yoga and write in a journal or something and fix yourself by age twenty-five. It's really in such poor taste to have permanent mental scars from your childhood.

After all, if you'd really wanted anyone to notice or care about you, you would have died.

 

[damaged_soul]

People are fake. They are evil, selfish, self centered. Look at the state of the world. The trees, the poverty, slave, crime, abuse and more. People are born being shit. That is human nature.

Exactly. This right here is the reason I want to leave this cruel, cold world. There is a problem inherent in human nature that no amount of therapy or antidepressants could possibly solve.

 

[Winterreise]

Because when you die, your friends and relatives are the ones who's have to explain and tell the story of your life and why you did what you did. Whenever the subject arise in a conversation

 

[Forever Sleep]

My Dad often makes this point- what's the use in being in floods of tears at someone's funeral when you didn't lift a finger to help them when they were alive?

I completely understand why you woukd feel so annoyed at your family at the funeral. I think SO many people are so absorbed with their image of being a good person and doing the right thing. I suppose funerals are a way of publicly expressing all that... Shame they didn't make the genuine effort when your grand mother was alive. She was lucky to have you. I'm sure she appreciated you for it.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

OP is an exception though. Much respect to him for caring for his grandma and working with no help.

Yeah even though I don't think the average person is all that great, humanity isn't all bad...

 

[LookingforAnswers]

They dont take things seriously when you are here. It is hard for ppl to believe someone is truly suicidal because it is an unfathomable thing to be able to think about when you are normal. Most ppl ive come across seem to think suicidal thoughts are fleeting like i was just "going through" something instead of an going battle. I think thats their justification for not caring while you are here. But once you die its kind of realized like oh shit "he was serious" and they "mourn" your loss.

At the end of the day though that is just one day of "showing up" (funeral) and life just moves on

 

[Silent.Tears]

That's the reality, that's how it is. People putting up an act everywhere, be it funerals or interviews or whatever. It is disgusting.
You are a kind soul. You were working so hard & took care of your grandmother while the rest of them didn't care. And now they're so cruel to ignore you when you need love & care the most. I'm so sorry you're being treated so unfairly. I'm sick & tired of this world.

 

[stringy]

Many people are like that, but none of us have to be. We all have authority over our own actions and we can decide to do better than that. Let other people do what they want, you know and do better.

 

[RUPA]

Well, I don't think they really care though they may appear that way. They will forget and continue to live their lives as if nothing happened in a week or so.

 

[kazewoatsumete]

I would like to think that in their own twisted way, lots of humans do care (poorly), and they rely on a lot of possibilities, i.e, this person is suffering but I can comfort them another time as the present is inconvenient. Once someone is dead, that possibility is taken away forever. I am not sure if normies experience the extent of guilt that I do when I grieve, but that would likely explain their intense reactions.
It is hard to cope with someone disappearing from this world, and I don't think it is a tangible, understandable thing to many.

 

[LastFlowers]

Because when you die, your friends and relatives are the ones who's have to explain and tell the story of your life and why you did what you did. Whenever the subject arise in a conversation

Too bad they never cared to know or acknowledge the story of my life..so my memory will likely be a pack of lies.
I hope they just let me be and don't bring me up at all nor try to absolve themselves by twisting the narrative of my existence even further and erasing the real reasons why I suffered, which they contributed to.

 

[NeverReallyHere]

I think the answer is it's simply more convenient and less effort to care about the dead than the living. Not only will the dead not ask anything of us, but we can project whatever bullshit we like onto them and they won't object.

 

[LastFlowers]

I think the answer is it's simply more convenient and less effort to care about the dead than the living. Not only will the dead not ask anything of us, but we can project whatever bullshit we like onto them and they won't object.

That last bit bothers me to no end..but you're damn right.