Venting Why do some people think that committing suicide over losing a loved one is stupid?

[SoulofSteel]

I can't help the way I feel, weeks have gone by and I still can't get over my ex girlfriend and it's still causing me immense pain. I didn't even feel suicidal when she first broke up with me yet these thoughts slowly creeped up to me as time went on, things just kept getting worse for me...I wish I could at least find a reason to tell myself that it was for the best but that's simply not true, and I just don't feel like talking to anybody else, no matter how charming and pretty they may be, just the thought of it to me feels wrong almost like cheating.

I believe that people are irreplaceable, she wasn't just a body to me, she was family and I can't just replace that. To some it may be dumb but ever since I was a kid I've always been the kind of person to say I would never find someone else if my partner ever died. I'd rather reminisce about the good times they were still here instead. Yet I can't do that...she's not dead, she's still here which makes remembering the memories just painful, because she's not gone, she just doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, and so all I have left is the hope of her coming back...that is until it either happens or she finds someone else.

Maybe I'm one of the few who never truly get over it, and if that's the case then why should I be forced to carry around this pain for the rest of my life? Why is it considered any less of a reason to ctb?
Missing her is one thing but the thought of her being with someone else makes me sick to my stomach, I'd rather die before it happens because as bad as things are now I can only imagine how that pain would be.

 

[tiger b]

It's horrible to carry so much pain around.

Who cares what others think, ultimately? Often it's their own defence mechanism.

What one person thinks is stupid, another will think is eminently rational. That's always the way and always will be the way.

You decide what's a valid reason or not, it's your life.

I wish you well and I'm sorry for the pain you feel.

 

[Jolene79]

It can take people months or even years to get over someone. The loss of someone can trigger old wounds or feel like death for one person based on earlier life experience. Basically there is no general response to your situation because it's all based on so many factors. For some, like you, the pain is significantly more agonising than for another. For you it might just be the final straw in a life of suffering.

It really is so very cruel and unfair that you have to suffer so much from this when another person wouldn't. And none of it is your fault.

For the older people like myself, we tend to feel a little different ( not always). I have no interest in romantic relationships anymore and haven't for years. I wonder how much hormones influence all this.

I really hope the pain eases for you eventually.

 

[MrShino]

I think I somehow know abit about how you feel. Right there and then it just feels impossible that you could ever meet another, because in you're mind there is just one, and you believe it will ever be. Well, no matter how strong that feeling is, it just isn't true I believe. Time will go by and feelings will pass. I understand it's immensely painful right now, but this is one of these things that almost surely will pass in time. Well, perhaps you even get back together for that sake. I highly advice you not to rush anything for a temporary state of being. Give it some months and I think you will see that it gets much better.

Sorry to hear about your situation by the way, heartbreaks are really painful. Stay strong, you will get through this. Blessings!

 

[penguinl0v3s]

"ThEy WoULd'Ve WaNtEd YoU tO LiVe"

Holy shit tired of hearing this every time I tell people I want to join my dead recovery buddy. I don't want to wait that long to see him again.

I know he wanted me to live, but I miss him

 

[bigfishlittlefish]

I can't help the way I feel, weeks have gone by and I still can't get over my ex girlfriend and it's still causing me immense pain. I didn't even feel suicidal when she first broke up with me yet these thoughts slowly creeped up to me as time went on, things just kept getting worse for me...I wish I could at least find a reason to tell myself that it was for the best but that's simply not true, and I just don't feel like talking to anybody else, no matter how charming and pretty they may be, just the thought of it to me feels wrong almost like cheating.

I believe that people are irreplaceable, she wasn't just a body to me, she was family and I can't just replace that. To some it may be dumb but ever since I was a kid I've always been the kind of person to say I would never find someone else if my partner ever died. I'd rather reminisce about the good times they were still here instead. Yet I can't do that...she's not dead, she's still here which makes remembering the memories just painful, because she's not gone, she just doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, and so all I have left is the hope of her coming back...that is until it either happens or she finds someone else.

Maybe I'm one of the few who never truly get over it, and if that's the case then why should I be forced to carry around this pain for the rest of my life? Why is it considered any less of a reason to ctb?
Missing her is one thing but the thought of her being with someone else makes me sick to my stomach, I'd rather die before it happens because as bad as things are now I can only imagine how that pain would be.

"Weeks" is still early days for how long it takes, but it does happen eventually.

 

[Aergia]

I don't think the people calling your reason stupid are trying to negate your feelings. It's clear that you're in pain. And it's certainly possible that you are one of the few who can't heal. But— do you think that you're in a position to conclude that just yet? I imagine it's hard to tell, at this point in time, whether your pain is permanent or not. I think taking that into consideration, you should consider giving it more time— so that the decision you make will be better informed.

Wishing you peace

 

[hi-okbye]

the pain of loosing someone can be horrific.
my partner died and i think about it every hour of the day.
even if they didn't die it can be a really hard thing to go through.
wishing you the best.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it cruel and insensitive how many people invalidate other people's wish to die but anyway when to cease existing is a personal decision, not the decision of other people as after all they are unable to experience existence in the same way. Nobody is obligated to suffer in this existence for even a second longer than they wish to.

 

[tarumipemi]

WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP FINDYOURTRUESELF
BASHAR
MEDITATION

 

[Rhizomorph1]

What one person thinks is stupid, another will think is eminently rational. That's always the way and always will be the way.

You decide what's a valid reason or not, it's your life.

I second this.

But also,

I think many appraise this way because the trend is for people to move on and find new meaningful relationships, even when in the moment they didn't feel that they could ever find love again; even those that fully believed everything you are saying.

to work with [therapy] who are in love. Perhaps it is because of envy—I, too, crave enchantment. Perhaps it is because love and psychotherapy are fundamentally incompatible. The good therapist fights darkness and seeks illumination, while romantic love is sustained by mystery and crumbles upon inspection. I hate to be love's executioner.

Irvin D. Yalom, On Being Love's Executioner.

That is to say that if you do decide not to ctb and you commit yourself to finding meaningful love, it will happen again. Scientific research proves it.

But as tiger b said, it's your choice either way. Suicide is not rational or irrational; it is neither good nor bad. It just is. *Your* relationship with it is your own.

I encourage due deliberation and meditation on the pros and cons; ideally disinhibited by the "rights" and "wrongs" cast by the biased perspectives of both pro-lifers offline and the cynical views of the users on this forum.

Your life is fundamentally yours. Death takes place beyond good and evil.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I can't help the way I feel, weeks have gone by and I still can't get over my ex girlfriend and it's still causing me immense pain. I didn't even feel suicidal when she first broke up with me yet these thoughts slowly creeped up to me as time went on, things just kept getting worse for me...I wish I could at least find a reason to tell myself that it was for the best but that's simply not true, and I just don't feel like talking to anybody else, no matter how charming and pretty they may be, just the thought of it to me feels wrong almost like cheating.

I believe that people are irreplaceable, she wasn't just a body to me, she was family and I can't just replace that. To some it may be dumb but ever since I was a kid I've always been the kind of person to say I would never find someone else if my partner ever died. I'd rather reminisce about the good times they were still here instead. Yet I can't do that...she's not dead, she's still here which makes remembering the memories just painful, because she's not gone, she just doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, and so all I have left is the hope of her coming back...that is until it either happens or she finds someone else.

Maybe I'm one of the few who never truly get over it, and if that's the case then why should I be forced to carry around this pain for the rest of my life? Why is it considered any less of a reason to ctb?
Missing her is one thing but the thought of her being with someone else makes me sick to my stomach, I'd rather die before it happens because as bad as things are now I can only imagine how that pain would be.

I feel your pain brother. Your reason is the the same as my reason for wanting to jump to my death. I will not and cannot get over the breakup. Each day gets worse.

 

[mia_qwerty]

When my husband cheated on me I actually felt like I was dying of pain. It was a long process of break up and then it took me some years to get over. But eventually (about 4 years later) I met someone else.

I do understand the pain of the loss. And I do understand in some case why people might want to end it. But I think there is always a chance of meeting someone else and once you do it shifts everything.

OR life just gets good being single.

I just think give it more time. Journey with the pain. People say it's the heart breaking open to be able to love more once it's healed.

I remember when I was going through that awful break up. My mantra was 'let it go' I said it about 10times a day and it did really help me.

Hugs for you and your heart.

Break ups suck. But they happen. And there is a chance you'll live the next person more.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

It can take a long time to get over a relationship. I don't think anyone would wanna make you feel stupid for feeling the way you do they'd just want you to give yourself a bit more time to see if you can heal from this. Break-ups are almost always very painful, but if it wasn't working out for her she obviously wasn't right for you. I don't really know how to put it without it sounding invalidating, but in a few more months you might feel differently and will be thinking about her a lot less. You could at least give yourself that amount of time right?

 

[BlockHammer]

I Have never been in a relationship before so i dont know what to said, to someone who think this kind of reason to commit suicide is stupid, they just an ignorence so you better just not listen to their opinion, but like you said it's been a week since you two breaks up, so i think making a decision to ctb is kindda reckless imo, so my suggestion is to try to wait for a several month to heal

But, if there's no improvement even after you do this. Well do what you think it's right

P.S : i forgot to say this but im sorry for what happened to you

 

[SoulofSteel]

When my husband cheated on me I actually felt like I was dying of pain. It was a long process of break up and then it took me some years to get over. But eventually (about 4 years later) I met someone else.

I do understand the pain of the loss. And I do understand in some case why people might want to end it. But I think there is always a chance of meeting someone else and once you do it shifts everything.

OR life just gets good being single.

I just think give it more time. Journey with the pain. People say it's the heart breaking open to be able to love more once it's healed.

I remember when I was going through that awful break up. My mantra was 'let it go' I said it about 10times a day and it did really help me.

Hugs for you and your heart.

Break ups suck. But they happen. And there is a chance you'll live the next person more.

I understand what everybody means, and I am willing give it time, months or years even... I don't feel like I can't function without her and I don't really mind being single...yet even after more than two months there is this pain that lingers on, that is killing me every waking second and I just can't stand to bear it, because even when I rationalize the breakup without looking at it through rose colored glasses, the only conclusion that I can come up with is that it was a huge mistake, a mistake that I will always regret, and I just can't accept the consequence of it.

 

[mia_qwerty]

I understand what everybody means, and I am willing give it time, months or years even... I don't feel like I can't function without her and I don't really mind being single...yet even after more than two months there is this pain that lingers on, that is killing me every waking second and I just can't stand to bear it, because even when I rationalize the breakup without looking at it through rose colored glasses, the only conclusion that I can come up with is that it was a huge mistake, a mistake that I will always regret, and I just can't accept the consequence of it.

I hear you. How painful it is. It's done now and can't be undone. And a few months is a short amount of time. Let time heal this one. There are magic potions for healing the heart like hawthorn tinctures. Maybe time to focus on some new projects, work, exercise, friends. Things that bring in fresh life. You've got this.

 

[figurehead]

Yes, it does take time to get over someone and I understand that you'd be saying that the "time" will never come, that the pain, as well as the love, has no end. I'm also much older than you, I'd imagine, and, like you, felt the ground being taken off my feet when torn apart from this person. Love, like pain, we only know as a first person, never as third. I know this sounds terrible, but I learned to manage the pain. Of all unsayable things, like accepting that there wasn't to be when it's obvious that only one person existed. Today I'm married (to another person) with a 14yo daughter. Such situation surely feels unimaginable and for a long time, all I could do is cry. My husband may not be "the one", but he loves me and together we've learned that romantic love is beautiful but just romantic. I really hope you can appease your heart - no matter how much time it takes, I wrote somewhere else that no man or woman is worth killing oneself for. The idea of endless pain can be, for sure. But I hope you can give yourself a chance to be whatever you want to be for her or another person.

 

[SoulofSteel]

Yes, it does take time to get over someone and I understand that you'd be saying that the "time" will never come, that the pain, as well as the love, has no end. I'm also much older than you, I'd imagine, and, like you, felt the ground being taken off my feet when torn apart from this person. Love, like pain, we only know as a first person, never as third. I know this sounds terrible, but I learned to manage the pain. Of all unsayable things, like accepting that there wasn't to be when it's obvious that only one person existed. Today I'm married (to another person) with a 14yo daughter. Such situation surely feels unimaginable and for a long time, all I could do is cry. My husband may not be "the one", but he loves me and together we've learned that romantic love is beautiful but just romantic. I really hope you can appease your heart - no matter how much time it takes, I wrote somewhere else that no man or woman is worth killing oneself for. The idea of endless pain can be, for sure. But I hope you can give yourself a chance to be whatever you want to be for her or another person.

I think there's a big difference to the way I look at relationships than most people do, which causes some confusion to people to why I'm feeling suicidal.
Even before this a lot of my friends would call me naive over the years, and that's fine. I actually really don't need her on anybody else in my life, I could be content on my own even though I love her, I always did fine on my own, thing is the main reasons causing me pain are much more complicated than just "loss", I don't really expect anybody to understand nor should they, but it makes complete sense to me and so if I kill myself it's not for her, it's for myself.

 

[figurehead]

I can't understand what you feel, no doubt. I just wish you'd fine the best way for you. I spent literally decades in unrelenting pain and my pain is certainly worse than yours and vice-versa. only our pain counts. And we're all selfish in a way when it comes to our pain, we must be, cos we're the one suffering. In order to survive, I pretended to forget, but have never got over. The poet Ted Hughes once said : Forgetfulness is essential to survival" and I live under that motto. although, when I ;m depressed that's the first thing to try to push me over the edge. I wish you best in your situation, wether it's life, death or forgetfulness.