Venting I’ve reached my breaking point over something stupid

[MAKE IT STOP!]

Title says all. I've been through worse shit than this within the past 3 years (got sexually abused by a so-called "friend" in Discord DMs, got verbally abused by my ex who was later revealed to have been cheating on me and grooming someone and the breakup was nasty, a friend of 7 years turned out to be a monster, my dog died, my now former FP abandoned me), but the thing that caused me to hit my breaking point is something stupid and minuscule.

I watch this indie web series that's basically a game show that's like Survivor. My favorite character was eliminated early in the season she debuted in, and I spent years hoping that one day, she would get what her early elimination robbed her of, because she was an interesting character. Then the chance for her to join the show's current season comes, so I vote for her to join (the show usually relies on viewer votes to determine which contestant will be eliminated, but in this case it was vote to join).

She gets the most votes and joins the show, but only competes for a short time. In the show's most recent episode, she gets eliminated AGAIN because not enough people voted for her to stay. This is a character I saw myself in and she was one of the few reasons why I was continuing to enjoy this show. I'm gonna sound like a schizo for this, but it feels like the writers deliberately wanted to get her out by having her team lose over and over. She was robbed a second time. I want to drop the goddamn show altogether.

Problem is, I've been a fan of this show for over 10 years and dropping it feels like I'm losing a huge part of my identity. I don't know what else to live for if a massive chunk of my identity is gone. I've been bedrotting and making stupid memes ever since her elimination, and the urge to cut came back, which led to me writing fanfictions about suicide and self-harm. I haven't tried anything yet because it would be selfish of me to hurt my family like that, plus I have a concert to look forward to. I know, this is a stupid first world problem and others are having it worse. Did I want my favorite character's elimination to be my breaking point? No. Yet it just happened to be my breaking point anyway.

(Here's a dumb joke to lighten the mood: this is my 69th post here!)

 

[Cauliflour]

When you've had that much happen to you, it takes something really small to set it all ablaze. I wouldn't call it stupid because fiction has more of an impact on people than most think. You cared for this character and this show and even something as simple as not seeing your favourite character have the satisfaction you think they deserve, shows how much this show means to you. Maybe try writing fan fictions where they do survive to the next round? Maybe look up fan work around said character and appreciate the time they were around.