Discussion Why do so many consider suicide notes necessary?

[vira]

I've been thinking for a bit as my ctb date creeps closer, and I've been considering writing notes to loved ones for the sake of closure. as i think about it more, though, i don't understand why i should, and why so many other people do as well. for context, i don't have many people close to me. i have about 3 people who actually matter to me, but that don't particularly like me. i don't see why writing notes is necessary, or people feel the need to do it in the first place. everyone will be grieving regardless, whether notes are written, or not. it might be considered the 'right thing to do', but depending on your method, you'll be out before any of that will matter. you will be dead. i would say im a fairly compassionate person, but this stumps me because i have no idea how to logically refute the idea that the notes don't matter. you will be gone, complete peace and emptiness. you won't have the capacity to think about your actions or regret, that's why its such a perfect solution to many, nothing will matter! if you're willing to put your loved ones through grief, (putting yourself over your loved ones for respect towards your own mental health, physical health, etc.) and never face their reactions toward it, why not ctb the easiest way possible? the only two things that make sense is closure & religion. religion because themes of afterlife are present, and closure because, well, closure.

sorry if this is a dumb question, but its really bugging me because I can't get the concept of eternal peace/loss of consciousness out of my head to think about this rationally. (if you can't tell, im just trying to get my ideas out on paper without forgetting everything in an instant). id love to hear your reasonings or at least a dumbed down version of them.

 

[PI3.14]

For me it's simple, my intention is not to bring my loved ones closure, cus nothing will, but rather to answer their "why".

I listed all the reasons that pushed me to take this action so they aren't left confused. Although, my family already know my reasons but I'm writing them down anyways just to make sure.

 

[Carrot]

People will grieve regardless, but having a note with some explanations can help the grieving. I care about the well being of others, and do not wish harm to others.
It can help the authorities, murder can never be ruled out, but having a note can ease the situation.

 

[cowboypants]

I thought initially i would write a suicide note now i don't plan to. I hate my parents. I talk with my sister somewhat. That's about it.

Even if i die it won't be completely clueless to my relatives or stuff. I've struggled a lot. If anything I feel like people wonder how am even alive it's been 8 years being like a NEET actually a little more since I used to not go to my college a lot. It's not necessary

 

[Pale_Rider]

Im not leaving one. No explanation is going to really b accepted any way.

 

[lament.]

I think a note would be a good thing to do if your loved ones do not know you are struggling / what specifically was ailing you. On the point of it not mattering because you are gone, while true, you will be dead, the people around you won't be. Your loved ones will search for a reason as to why you have died and it would suck if they came to the conclusion that it was their fault when it is not. You will not face their reactions to it, but their reactions will happen. Even if that won't matter to you when you are dead, it can matter to you now.

I think at the end of the day it depends how close to them you are, how much you think they would blame themselves/how much they already know and how much you believe you owe them an explanation for your suicide.

 

[TBONTB]

I've been thinking for a bit as my ctb date creeps closer, and I've been considering writing notes to loved ones for the sake of closure. as i think about it more, though, i don't understand why i should, and why so many other people do as well. for context, i don't have many people close to me. i have about 3 people who actually matter to me, but that don't particularly like me. i don't see why writing notes is necessary, or people feel the need to do it in the first place. everyone will be grieving regardless, whether notes are written, or not. it might be considered the 'right thing to do', but depending on your method, you'll be out before any of that will matter. you will be dead. i would say im a fairly compassionate person, but this stumps me because i have no idea how to logically refute the idea that the notes don't matter. you will be gone, complete peace and emptiness. you won't have the capacity to think about your actions or regret, that's why its such a perfect solution to many, nothing will matter! if you're willing to put your loved ones through grief, (putting yourself over your loved ones for respect towards your own mental health, physical health, etc.) and never face their reactions toward it, why not ctb the easiest way possible? the only two things that make sense is closure & religion. religion because themes of afterlife are present, and closure because, well, closure.

sorry if this is a dumb question, but its really bugging me because I can't get the concept of eternal peace/loss of consciousness out of my head to think about this rationally. (if you can't tell, im just trying to get my ideas out on paper without forgetting everything in an instant). id love to hear your reasonings or at least a dumbed down version of them.

You can do whatever makes sense to you, you don't have to find the logic behind it.

That being said, I think the idea of explanation is the most compelling for people who would get a note....especially to let them know they couldn't have changed anything. Or to let them know you wanted to escape suffering. But, you can do what you want.

 

[gottacheckout]

My family is all gone and there are just a few people that matter to me enough to leave a note. Interestingly, they know how I've struggled all my life so my note wouldn't be explaining why. The notes would be about how important they were to me.

All those that tortured and tormented me are no longer on this earth, in this earth yes.

 

[Dejected 55]

"Why do so many consider suicide notes?"

Hard to say how many "consider" it... but on average less than a third of people actually leave them... so despite what you might think. most people by a fairly wide margin do not leave notes.

 

[Doll Steak]

Closure, giving them the why's on why I did it, it's tormenting enough to lose someone, I know that. Even more so without any explanation, I prefer to write a note so to minimize some suffering that my death may impose upon family or friends, either way it wont change the suffering factor but it feels right to give a final message/goodbye. Of course I'd be unconscious so no true regrets or sympathy or compassion, but while I'm alive, It's the very least I could do to guide them through mourning.

 

[kopebaldy]

I want to tell people that it isn't their fault, I simply built wrong lol.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's not about us though. It's about them. If we care about them in the slightest. That's not to say people necessarily should care if they've been treated poorly their whole life. But, occassionally we do get people on the forum that have lost loved ones to suicide. Some are deeply upset about not knowing why. Presumably not being left any form of explanation. I just think a note provides sone degree of closure. Plus, I imagine it speeds up the process for police to definitely rule it as a suicide if there is a note.

 

[Unicron]

I wrote a note, but did it after I'd taken my OD, so it wasn't the most coherent thing I've ever written. LOL.

 

[vira]

"Why do so many consider suicide notes?"

Hard to say how many "consider" it... but on average less than a third of people actually leave them... so despite what you might think. most people by a fairly wide margin do not leave notes.

i haven't personally researched this, but if thats true thats extremely surprising to me. i expected a much higher average, like a half of all suicides included suicide notes, maybe even more.

 

[r.m.216]

I'm considering it. It's just like, if you live, how awkward. Your just vulnerable stuff is all out there and you're stuck alive

 

[Dejected 55]

i haven't personally researched this, but if thats true thats extremely surprising to me. i expected a much higher average, like a half of all suicides included suicide notes, maybe even more.

You can poke around online and find various articles about it. TV and movies make us think there is always a note. The TV detectives always look for a note as "proof" of suicide, but then a lot of times it turns out to be a fake note to cover up a murder... on TV anyway.

I think the thing is... most of us have either tried talking to people we know and have said everything already... or we don't really have anything to say. Also, leaving a note to explain after the fact, we will never know how it lands or if it begs more questions. Leaving a note is the ultimate "last word" in a conversation and whomever you leave the note for can never respond to you.

According to the searching I've done online, the leaving of notes varies quite a bit around the world. That 1/3 average has a lot of "slop" to it. The highest number I saw was 42% and the lowest was something like 18%. Some cultures and parts of the world and personalities of the people might make them more apt to want to leave a note than others, regardless of the reason for the suicide.

But, by all accounts, most people do not leave a note... so if you choose to leave one, you will be in the minority. I go back and forth. The problem with me is I definitely fall into the camp of how I've reached out and tried to connect and failed and I've told everyone I care to tell pretty much everything good and bad in my life... so there isn't anything left to tell. A note might just be rubbing it in one last time. So I'm leaning towards no note.

 

[F@#$]

Only notes I'll leave will be mean,nasty and meant to inflict more suffering.

 

[vira]

Only notes I'll leave will be mean,nasty and meant to inflict more suffering.

if that were an option for me I'd absolutely agree.. but just imagine if i failed my attempt..

 

[StoneCellaiver]

I think the reason they're written often are as mementos or for a reason/testament
I learned there's an entire genre for death and suicide poetry in East Asia

 

[quietwoods]

"Why do so many consider suicide notes?"

Hard to say how many "consider" it... but on average less than a third of people actually leave them... so despite what you might think. most people by a fairly wide margin do not leave notes.

I would consider a few things regarding this though.

1) Many suicides are impulsive and writing a note may not of even crossed their mind.

2) Many people who commit suicide do it because they are alone and have no one to write a note to.

3) The note got misplaced or was never found.

From my personal observations for planned, deliberate suicides on this forum, think most people leave some kind of note.

 

[vira]

You can poke around online and find various articles about it. TV and movies make us think there is always a note. The TV detectives always look for a note as "proof" of suicide, but then a lot of times it turns out to be a fake note to cover up a murder... on TV anyway.

I think the thing is... most of us have either tried talking to people we know and have said everything already... or we don't really have anything to say. Also, leaving a note to explain after the fact, we will never know how it lands or if it begs more questions. Leaving a note is the ultimate "last word" in a conversation and whomever you leave the note for can never respond to you.

According to the searching I've done online, the leaving of notes varies quite a bit around the world. That 1/3 average has a lot of "slop" to it. The highest number I saw was 42% and the lowest was something like 18%. Some cultures and parts of the world and personalities of the people might make them more apt to want to leave a note than others, regardless of the reason for the suicide.

But, by all accounts, most people do not leave a note... so if you choose to leave one, you will be in the minority. I go back and forth. The problem with me is I definitely fall into the camp of how I've reached out and tried to connect and failed and I've told everyone I care to tell pretty much everything good and bad in my life... so there isn't anything left to tell. A note might just be rubbing it in one last time. So I'm leaning towards no note.

even with 42% thats lower than i thought.. my perspective is definitely skewed from personal anecdotes. i don't really consume media on suicide outside social media, but i grew up exposed to lots of mental health issues and suicide attempts, which might be why i was so off.

im also back-and-forth despite not seeing the purpose. i guess i just want to be respectful and all that. in the case that i do, ill definitely not be opening up about my struggles or why i decided what i did (considering most of my aquiantances wouldn't be able to comprehend my reasonings, and would use it to fuel their own emotions.. just not worth the trouble.)

hearing "the ultimate last word in a conversation" makes me less likely to write one. i doubt closure will be possible for the people close to me through a simple note, and i certainly don't need it for myself. i was planning on just reacting to your post, but it's actually really helpful and i thought a reaction wouldn't suffice. thank you for this, opens up my mind a bit more.

I would consider a few things regarding this though.

1) Many suicides are impulsive and writing a note may not of even crossed their mind.

2) Many people who commit suicide do it because they are alone and have no one to write a note to.

3) The note got misplaced or was never found.

From my personal observations for planned, deliberate suicides on this forum, think most people leave some kind of note.

i think it changes based on the reasons towards killing yourself, but i don't think that changes the accuracy of the evidence. its good information though, helpful.

 

[Seiba]

You can poke around online and find various articles about it. TV and movies make us think there is always a note. The TV detectives always look for a note as "proof" of suicide, but then a lot of times it turns out to be a fake note to cover up a murder... on TV anyway.

I think the thing is... most of us have either tried talking to people we know and have said everything already... or we don't really have anything to say. Also, leaving a note to explain after the fact, we will never know how it lands or if it begs more questions. Leaving a note is the ultimate "last word" in a conversation and whomever you leave the note for can never respond to you.

According to the searching I've done online, the leaving of notes varies quite a bit around the world. That 1/3 average has a lot of "slop" to it. The highest number I saw was 42% and the lowest was something like 18%. Some cultures and parts of the world and personalities of the people might make them more apt to want to leave a note than others, regardless of the reason for the suicide.

But, by all accounts, most people do not leave a note... so if you choose to leave one, you will be in the minority. I go back and forth. The problem with me is I definitely fall into the camp of how I've reached out and tried to connect and failed and I've told everyone I care to tell pretty much everything good and bad in my life... so there isn't anything left to tell. A note might just be rubbing it in one last time. So I'm leaning towards no note.

I forget the exact percentage but I believe around fifty to sixty percent have opened up to family or friends about suicide before doing so.
This is somewhat higher than the note stat, so I think you're onto to something with already having told people in your life. I too have reached out in the past and failed to connect or have it matter meaningfully to anyone.

 

[quietwoods]

i think it changes based on the reasons towards killing yourself, but i don't think that changes the accuracy of the evidence. its good information though, helpful.

My point was that most suicides are a very solitary, very often impulsive action.

In other cases people have already completely disconnected from the world.

The community here is likely different from the mainstream (already evidenced from the choice of methods).

Suicide here is more social, better planned, and often contemplated for a long period of time.

Hence why most forum members leave notes or something behind. Whatever advice you hear is going to be skewed in a certain way.

It's tough imo to apply a lot of things from the generalized body of suicides to Sasu members.

 

[Dejected 55]

I have no proof, but I don't think it is reasonable to think "most" suicides would be impulsive. I think a lot of living people would like to think suicide is impulsive... like the thing some will say about "suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem" which tends to be insensitive and dismiss why someone feels like death is their only solution. People tend to minimize others' suffering for various reasons.

I would be surprised if most suicides weren't considered for a long time. Are there impulsive ones? Sure. I don't doubt that. But I feel like most suicides are surely the result of long suffering and trying to find a way out before settling on death as the last option. I don't think this forum is rare in that regard.

 

[Forveleth]

Actually, most people DO NOT leave notes (25%-50% depending on the study). I was not planning to leave one except I want my asshole partner and parents to know they were the main contributors to my death.

 

[r.m.216]

I want to leave people with my thoughts, summarized. Let them know you care.

It's also just weird ending up a body without having anything to say.

 

[quietwoods]

I have no proof, but I don't think it is reasonable to think "most" suicides would be impulsive. I think a lot of living people would like to think suicide is impulsive... like the thing some will say about "suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem" which tends to be insensitive and dismiss why someone feels like death is their only solution. People tend to minimize others' suffering for various reasons.

I would be surprised if most suicides weren't considered for a long time. Are there impulsive ones? Sure. I don't doubt that. But I feel like most suicides are surely the result of long suffering and trying to find a way out before settling on death as the last option. I don't think this forum is rare in that regard.

Impulsive doesn't mean people haven't put thought into it or had ideation for a while, it just means it's abrupt. Most suicides are shootings, hangings, or jumpings. They're the quickest, most accessible methods. I don't think it's illogical, despite having nothing but anecdotal proof myself, that they are choosing these methods impulsively.

Just means they are waking up one day and deciding this is it.

I realized 4 years ago that death is my only solution but am very much planning out my death un-impulsively.

 

[Octo]

I'm leaving notes because I have people I actually care about. I have some really close friends and a partner that I love more than I thought possible. I want to let my friends know "thank you, and I'm sorry".

If I didn't have people I was so close to, I wouldn't leave any notes. I do care about my birth family, but we're not close, so none of the notes are for them. My goodbyes will be for my found family.

 

[tooBadTooLate]

It's good to give people who might matter or close to you some closure, so that they could get over me more easily. They're also one last chance to say something to them, so I might as well make it count—just a simple "eat shit and die and this is all your fault" won't do, I've got to make sure that they understand what I felt as clearly as possible. Maybe I'm just an emphatic son-of-a-bitch, but God damn it, I want to leave behind a message, especially spite, for them once I've grown the balls to CtB.

 

[Nightfoot]

Probably a variety of different reasons. To try and explain, or reassure, provide as close to closure as possible, say I love you one more time, and others I haven't thought of.