Why do people self harm?

[JustLosingMyself]

It briefly distracts from the howling anguish in my mind. I'll knock my head on a brick wall until I'm dazed
I'll scrape the skin off my arms with my nails.
I'll pull my toenails out.
I'll slice my arms and thighs up with a razor.


Briefly, very briefly the pain will supersede the anguish and stop me from screaming, until the next time I look into myself, at the failures and the loss of one I consider my daughter.
Wash
Rinse
Repeat.

 

[FailingAtLife]

Im honest and I sincerely hope I am not offending anyone: I selfharmed because I like the rush of energy it caused. It was something I had control over. I liked to see my body getting destroyed.

Why would this offend anyone, my friend?
It's no-one's business why you did it. And anyway, your reasons sound no less valid than anyone else's I've seen.

I don't SH, but I'm understanding that those who do, do it for their own reasons. No-one has the right to criticise; especially if they don't do it themselves & cannot therefore understand the need others have.

It briefly distracts from the howling anguish in my mind. I'll knock my head on a brick wall until I'm dazed
I'll scrape the skin off my arms with my nails.
I'll pull my toenails out.
I'll slice my arms and thighs up with a razor.


Briefly, very briefly the pain will supersede the anguish and stop me from screaming, until the next time I look into myself, at the failures and the loss of one I consider my daughter.
Wash
Rinse
Repeat.

You are in a lot of pain, my friend. I wish I'd the ability to remove it for you.

I want to say to be kind to yourself. But I also know the emptiness of such a trite, throwaway statement. And also, how it's just not possible for some people - myself included.

I did a lot of cutting and also burning my skin with fire or burning cigarettes. After a while I thought I needed something stronger, so I got into the SM scene. I am not going into the gory details, but you can believe me I took some serious hits....imagine being thrashed with a whip for an hour until blood flows all over your back.....you have to clench your teeth and sometimes it was so painful I lost consciousness. But the feeling afterwards was....WOW ! Better than any drug you could ever take. And it would give me a couple of days of peace of mind, my head would be so empty because it was just concentrating on the actual physical pain, that occupied it. Now I cannot do it any longer unfortunately, I moved somewhere else and have no "partners" here. Actually, what I wanted to say is that the only other place where there is such love, compassion, and genuine interest between people who do not really know each other as I have found here on this SS forum is the SM scene. You need a lot of mutual trust, understanding and compassion to do painful things to each other, especially when there is no sexual element involved. It sounds bizarre but trust me it's true.

Aha. I knew there'd be someone who would forge the link between cutting & (BD)SM.
I'm more into straight CP myself, but obviously have crossed paths with those who lean towards BDSM.

And yes, it's hard explaining to vanillas that it's NOT about sex. Most just don't get it.

Gotta say, though, that I've not (knowingly) met anyone on the scene who's also felt the need to cut.

 

[George81]

I started when I was 15 and I'm still doing it now at 38. The feelings build up like fear and anger and frustration and I need to have an outlet for these feelings. It's also feelings of self hate and that I deserve it, I deserve to feel pain because I'm a bad person and other people want to hurt me too so I'll do it for them. I've had counselling for it a few years ago but when the feelings build up and crisis happens there's no other thing in the world that will help aside from cutting myself. I have lots of scars and have to hide them and find new places to cut. I've done it at work in the toilets when I get the urge. Never in front of anyone else. It's a very private thing and people who've never done it would never understand. I'm past the point now of caring about myself so why look after my body?

 

[Eridanos]

Personally I cut myself because I feel more alive. It's an act of rebellion against the world and most importantly against me.
It also has a really calming effect at least for me.

You know when you are angry you would like to smash somethin?
Imagine that just with sadness and desperation for the sake of feeling a little bit better in the short term.

 

[noaccount]

To keep a record. Hard evidence. Too many people in denial.

 

[Skathon]

It is calming.
I also hate my flesh, which feels like a trap, a withering vessel that may only be shattered yet not forsaken or discarded.

Spoiler

Which reminds me of...
"Going backwards to be released
Crumbling down into a wound that bleeds
Destroying myself just to wake up
But I can't wake up, I can't wake up" ©

 

[nothingleft]

It's hard to explain, but for me it's always offered some sense of calm amid chaotically suicidal, agitated depression.

 

[Anon2662]

I cut and bruise myself.. it's a release for me. It dulls the voices I hear and distracts from the mental pain. I always do it where people won't see as it's personal to me but it does escalate. I ended up pouring boiling kettle water on myself a few months ago and am getting strong urges to do it again. The way I'd describe it is a temporary relieve but afterwards it just makes me feel worse.. complicated huh!

 

[nosirens]

I do it when I literally feel like I'm going to explode or go insane from what I'm feeling. As soon as I cut my self it's instant relief. Almost like letting out air of a balloon slowly before it pops.

 

[It'llNeverEnd]

so I haven't read any of the other responses to know if mine is similar to anyone, but I used to cut many years ago because my family never expressed emotions, then I became bipolar and it was like I had to learn what every emotion meant and how to deal with it in double time. cutting was my method for dealing with anger in a passive aggressive family.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

For me it's to stop the emotional pain of the moment especially if it's something really bad

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

To feel real.

To feel in control.

To feel and know the source of the pain.

To feel something, anything.

To feel okay.

 

[An0nymouse_97]

Why do people self harm? I've never understood why people self harm. If you kill yourself, then that ends the suffering, so that's understandable and obviously can be a good thing. Self harming just for the sake of harming yourself though, doesn't that just increase the suffering?

I self harm as I feel guilty about stuff I've said or done in the past (never hurt anyone physically). But I can feel guilty over the slightest of things. Also, I self harm to get rid of the bad blood inside of me. Like I cut a vein all the time and it feels like such a good release (to me)

 

[waterbottleman]

Why do people self harm? I've never understood why people self harm. If you kill yourself, then that ends the suffering, so that's understandable and obviously can be a good thing. Self harming just for the sake of harming yourself though, doesn't that just increase the suffering?

I used to find self harm strange as well. Don't get me wrong, I've never judged people who did it I just didn't understand what would compel someone to self harm.

However for the past month once a week or so I have a day in which I'm so depressed I get that desire to grab my kitchen knife and cut myself with it. I've never felt that before once in my life till this last month.

 

[selfhater]

for me i do it cuz i hate my body so much that i want to hurt it so so bad and i want to be beaten so much until i bleed and more.
cuz this body is the first reason why i'm like this and it only caused me pain and trauma

 

[foreverbroken28]

Why do people self harm? I've never understood why people self harm. If you kill yourself, then that ends the suffering, so that's understandable and obviously can be a good thing. Self harming just for the sake of harming yourself though, doesn't that just increase the suffering?

I can't answer for other people but I used to self harm to relieve the emorional pain. (Other times, it was because I was bored.) For me, cutting had the effect of smoking a joint. SH stopped working last year and that's when I knew it was time to ctb.

 

[crazy1]

Im honest and I sincerely hope I am not offending anyone: I selfharmed because I like the rush of energy it caused. It was something I had control over. I liked to see my body getting destroyed.

Everyone has there own reason for doing it and that's a valid one, don't think you should offend anyone.

 

[Cjaf]

I selfharm to feel physical pain. It numbs the mental pain but only for a few minutes. I hurts like hell but I love the feeling.

 

[rntmss]

Personally, for me it was kind of the "stepping stone"... well if I can take a lighter and burn my arm, I should be able to get a knife in there to cut my arteries. (Never made it that far, I can't handle the pain of my flesh being carved into)

Or, if I can take this many pills, I wonder if I can stomach enough to actually CTB.
(Narrator: he couldn't)

 

[GiveUp]

I don't self harm in the "classic" sense of cutting my wrists and arms. I also used to wonder why people self harm, @Marktheghost , because other people can see it and will know and then the harmer gets attention and so on, so I never got it. But I recently realised I do have a tick, you could say, that's similar to self harming: I pick the skin on my legs. It doesn't hurt (my tolerance for physical pain is pretty high anyway) but I can do it for an hour several nights a week and my brain goes silent while I do it. It's somehow relaxing. My legs look a complete mess but that's easy to hide with trousers.

 

[charlottewilts]

i've been doing it since i was very little (not cutting specifically, but other forms). i suppose it's a way to deal with negative emotions: some people will cry, some will break things, some will take it out on themselves. i don't understand why people look down on it so much, it's my body and i can do whatever i want with it. probably for the same reason grafitti is banned on public property, no?

 

[lizinha]

To stop themselves from uncontrollably crying, to numb whatever they're going through or to feel something. and it's the cheapest and accesible thing out there so that's why it's popular. U feel good during the process that's how it turns into you becoming independent on it

 

[Jean4]

Replace one pain with another to try to make the first one stop.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I can only relate in that I sometimes in acute crisis punch myself or butt my head against a wall.

But I could never cut myself ever. Don't know if my pain threshold is higher of if what I imagine to be intense emotional pain can't compare to what some people have to go through.

Do you think anyone will get to a point where they would cut themselves?

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

I know I've already written something on here but I wanted to say something else. I feel better cutting myself. The time I remember the physical pain feel so relieving was when I carved "love the pain" into my hip. It felt so good...

I know I've already written something on here but I wanted to say something else. I feel better cutting myself. The time I remember the physical pain feel so relieving was when I carved "love the pain" into my hip. It felt so good...

I also feel like punishing myself for anything and everything. I punish myself for things I don't even do.

 

[departing]

Do you think anyone will get to a point where they would cut themselves?

Unfortunately, a lot of people cut themselves. It's a release valve for their built-up feelings.

 

[chumley123]

I tried cutting myself a few times I didn't get it. Sure it took my mind off life for a moment but then I'm right back to it now with a bloody mess to clean up.

 

[Velia]

I cut when I have uncontrollable bad feelings, it takes all the focus away from all the thoughts running over and over in my head like how much I hate myself. I got super angry a few weeks ago and stabbed myself in the leg 3 times. It feels good to finally have a release and in a messed up way it's cool to see that I'm capable of doing something like that to myself. Like it's weird because normally I hate seeing blood even in movies but when I cut it feels better the more blood there is. I don't do it as much anymore because I know it's an unhealthy mindset and it would only get worse if I kept doing it.

 

[Klee]

It becomes a very addictive coping mechanism really quickly. It's a bit of a stop gap between doing nothing to "cope" and ctb, especially when you have things to stay around for. To me it's felt a bit like having one foot here and one foot on the other side.

 

[Zxcv]

The physical pain distracts you from your mental pain.