Venting Why do people only care when you're about to die or have died?

[Georgehelm]

I don't understand how people only care and say i shouldn't die and that they love me and things will get better. I always wonder where was this love before, where was this care when you made things worse, where was this support when i was trying to get better? It's honestly more upsetting hearing that than them just saying they don't care.

 

[Kempel556]

I think they do that only to make themselves feel better and get approval from others in order to be seen as caring and loving people , if they didn´t care up to that point what makes them be so worried all of a sudden, at least thats what I think

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I believe that most people only care about themselves, and that most people including family and so-called friends are fake and without empathy.
They invalidate our suffering , by belittling our problems when we really need their support, yet they will cry and feel sorry for themselves if the person suffering finally puts an end to their existence.
They will be full of self pity and guilt, yet will fail to admit that they contributed to the suffering of the deceased, because they are both stupid and selfish.

 

[Anon39]

because if they let you kill yourself, they will also be blamed by society for not having empathy. basically it is nothing but to make themselves feel better and not be blamed, not because they think others are valuable if they think you are valuable they should not only care when you are about to kill yourself

 

[MatthieuFrederickW]

I believe that most people only care about themselves, and that most people including family and so-called friends are fake and without empathy.
They invalidate our suffering , by belittling our problems when we really need their support, yet they will cry and feel sorry for themselves if the person suffering finally puts an end to their existence.
They will be full of self pity and guilt, yet will fail to admit that they contributed to the suffering of the deceased, because they are both stupid and selfish.

I believe you hit the nail on the head with that comment. Well said.

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that most people are too self centred to ever care, they simply cannot be relied on, I'm not even surprised that people are acting in such a way.

 

[Stormy Raine]

What disgust me the most is people saying, "I had no idea things were this bad, there were no signs!" People are so selfish in their own lives and that's ok, but when we leave just say goodbye, don't act confused and so concerned then! I always say don't cry when I die, cry while I'm alive.

 

[plastic_melter]

Not sure how to word this, but I've thought about that a lot. I think those people are really thinking about themselves and their own interests. E.g., "if this person died, I would feel pain, so I will say/do things to try to keep them alive, and also put myself on some sort of moral high ground". Not seeking to understand, just seeking what's in their own best interest, even if it means you suffering. When family does that, it seems really messed up to me, but it also erases feelings of guilt that could arise from considering CTB (which inevitably causes others metal distress). They say you reap what you sow, I guess.

 

[Chr0nicAnhedonic]

At the end of the day, we're all really only concerned about ourselves. People will only send that love and support when it's convenient for them to do so. It's never about you or your needs, it's about making themselves feel better for "helping" or what they can get out of "helping" us. Once they've "helped", they move on with their lives.

People in general are self-centered. I once had a friend who I moved in with because he was my only consistent friend throughout high school, and even visited me when I was institutionalized. I only recently realized just how egotistical he was, making everything about HIM and what HE wants and how HE feels. Turns out, he was really only using me as a captive audience and for my income so he could actually afford living away from his parents. He discarded me once he found a house he could live in with his wife.

He also completely forgot that I was institutionalized. So that's cool.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

Contrary to most comments in this thread I think its kind of ironic that everyone is saying its because most people are only looking out for themselves. I think wanting to CTB is also about only looking out for yourself and I dont blame it but I just think its hypocritical and lacks self awareness. The real reason most people dont value you before you die/CTB is an extreme case of "you dont know what youve got til its gone." when something or someone is always around you easily take it for granted and you don't consider what it would be like without it until you don't have it anymore. The average person lacks the ability to have gratitude for the blessings in their life. Its less about empathy for others and more about taking them for granted.