Discussion Why do people make children in this world?

[Jolene79]

That doesn't protect them from abusers and bullies and no matter what the day will come in which they stand in front of their parents grave

This is true. Many will look back on their life though and think it was good and worth it. We are all in a different group on here due to our situations. Other people don't think and feel about this situation like we all do. ( I agree with alot of what you say)

It is still just luck based even good parents can't control what happens to the child and everyone will witness their parents death.

Yes absolutely. Alot of it is luck of the shitty draw. Even with great parents there's going to be suffering on some level.

 

[suicidalloser]

I don't understand how parents exist who don't accept their children for being gay.

yep, it went unheard by all in this thread expect you because the reality is true, beneath all the guises otherwise.
they know this—wholeheartedly they'd do it, they've do it.

OH DEAR

not lying. liekt he cops before them

This is true. Many will look back on their life though and think it was good and worth it. We are all in a different group on here due to our situations. Other people don't think and feel about this situation like we all do. ( I agree with alot of what you say)

Yes absolutely. Alot of it is luck of the shitty draw. Even with great parents there's going to be suffering on some level.

yes—be it kicked out for being me, or financial struggles throughout all.

 

[HopefulSleep]

yep, it went unheard by all in this thread expect you because the reality is true, beneath all the guises otherwise.
they know this—wholeheartedly they'd do it, they've do it.

I am sorry you had to go through that

 

[suicidalloser]

I am sorry you had to go through that

it's fine, see my veil i'm fine, i'm not fine. spend 3 seconds with me and you'd wish i'd die too. even when so nice and cordial to ryan i was still, my presence alone is burdening. i don't like holding grudges but i and he it's strange but easily comprehensible:

i'm an idiot

 

[SmoolPepe]

Selfishness, arrogance, stupidity are the trio that perfectly represent humanity. Is it really any surprise most people are delusional and stupid enough to have kids they cant afford nor take care of properly?
We pretend to be superior to animals, yet at every turn we are controlled by our emotions and primal urges even when it comes to creating life.
"I want kids > Lets have kids" is all the thought that is put into it and thats the positive scenario, as most kids are accidents due to poor sexual practices and/or education.
Something like half of all pregnancies worldwide are unintended. Let that sink in.

 

[schrei_nach_liebe]

Some people don't realize babies come from sex. I wouldn't believe that except I used to come across it regularly in the hospital setting.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It is still just luck based even good parents can't control what happens to the child and everyone will witness their parents death.

I have to agree with you. I think life is a complete lottery and I'd struggle to give my child the emotional/ psychological stability and strength to deal with what could be lying in wait for it- hence- I don't have children.

BUT not all children witness their parents death. My Mum died before my Nana. Many people here may well CTB before their parents die. That's another HUGE risk parents take when they have children. I expect they are always worrying about them- even when they're all grown up. (The good ones anyhow.)

In effect- they're not necessarily ONLY (possibly) condemning that new life to suffering, they are also making themselves responsible for this whole other life. They could very well end up just as hurt- perhaps even more hurt by what happens to their child. Again- perhaps that's more related to the good, responsible parents out there. Still- I imagine the less responsible/ worse ones suffer too. Maybe you can say they brought it on themselves but I imagine a parent-child problem likely cuts deeper than many other problems in life.

If I'm honest- part of my not wanting to have children is because I know I couldn't handle it. What if they get bullied in school? How the hell would you make them safe online? Or- even in the real world? I'd be a nervous wreck!

 

[suicidalloser]

I have to agree with you. I think life is a complete lottery and I'd struggle to give my child the emotional/ psychological stability and strength to deal with what could be lying in wait for it- hence- I don't have children.

BUT not all children witness their parents death. My Mum died before my Nana. Many people here may well CTB before their parents die. That's another HUGE risk parents take when they have children. I expect they are always worrying about them- even when they're all grown up. (The good ones anyhow.)

In effect- they're not necessarily ONLY (possibly) condemning that new life to suffering, they are also making themselves responsible for this whole other life. They could very well end up just as hurt- perhaps even more hurt by what happens to their child. Again- perhaps that's more related to the good, responsible parents out there. Still- I imagine the less responsible/ worse ones suffer too. Maybe you can say they brought it on themselves but I imagine a parent-child problem likely cuts deeper than many other problems in life.

If I'm honest- part of my not wanting to have children is because I know I couldn't handle it. What if they get bullied in school? How the hell would you make them safe online? Or- even in the real world? I'd be a nervous wreck!

i see.

 

[sayire]

Bc they're fucking selfish pigs.

people are here in this forum for all kinds of reasons. everyone is welcome to vent their frustrations.
just not useful in a forum like this to spread direct hateful wording

 

[Kyrok]

Some people don't realize babies come from sex. I wouldn't believe that except I used to come across it regularly in the hospital setting.

You came across sex regularly in a hospital?

 

[subhuman metalhead]

The reason people reproduce is inherently selfish. It's not to further the human species, but rather to satisfy the needs and wants of those around them and themselves. Oftentimes people are pressured into having children because their parents tell them that they want grandkids. Truth be told, a lot of the kids in those sorts of situations grow up miserable because they don't feel love from the people who are supposed to love them unconditionally—their parents. The parents don't love their children because they didn't actually want them in the first place and the kids end up not loving their parents because why should you love someone who doesn't reciprocate those feelings?

I'm very biased because I was born out of a loveless union.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I used to think it was only because of selfishness, but I think some people just believe there's enough good in the world that having children seems reasonable. There's definitely a lot of selfish parents out there, but I know that isn't all of them, it really depends on the parent.

In the past, I definitely hated all parents of biological children, but recently I've started to think that it's unfair to do so. The only thing any of us can really say is whether or not our own parents were selfish or not, but it's hard to really know that about others unless they tell us their reasons. In my opinion, having children seems like a bad idea regardless, even if it's just for the fact that unfortunate things happen to people all the time, and even the best, most selfless and loving parents can't protect their kids from it every time, but maybe some parents believe they can, I don't know.

Regardless of whether having children is moral or immoral, I'd think that the risk of losing a child to something horrible would be a good enough of a reason not to have one right there. Imagine being the parent of a child who is dying or has died from cancer and/or suffered immensely from it (or any other disease). I'd be curious to hear the perspective of someone who has gone through that, and whether or not that experience has caused them to regret their decision to become a parent.

HopefulSleep, good on you for not judging or hating people just for having kids. I used to be one of those anti-natalists who hated people with kids, but realized that I was just projecting my hatred for my own emotionally abusive father onto other parents, and assuming they were all like him. That's not the right way to go about it, and doing so accomplishes nothing (with the exception of raising my blood pressure to unsafe levels lmao).

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Because they were thankful for having been bon and found life ultimately rewarding despite whatever difficulties they had so they assumed their children would feel the same. And indeed most people are happy they were born and got to experience things. The minority of people who don't end up on places like this one.

 

[schrei_nach_liebe]

You came across sex regularly in a hospital?

Actually yes, but less often

 

[whywere]

I have mentioned this so many times on SS as far as my "parents" never wanted me ever, always called me "the mistake" to my face and always in public and at 18 got kicked out and never heard from them again ever, 100% their choice. When I was born, they thought, back in 1956, to give me up for adoption, but with the social stigma of giving up ones on child, they of course thought highly of themselves and their standing in the community, so I got 18 years of pure hell instead.

Having children is NOT a status symbol or keeping up with others, it so much more than that and I wish some would take a step back and consider all aspects beforehand.

Walter

 

[delusionalgirl]

Biological urge to procreate
Taking the Bible literally on going forth and being fruitful
Having a mini me


But there are some that have no choice on pro choice and have the baby because of religious reasons or personal or hell laws even though some states or counties.

 

[saddestbunny]

it's easy to see where the want comes from, ask any parent to adopt VS having their own kids and they won't :)

they inherently want a mini them, not just a child to care for

also it makes sense the people who are ignorant to their situation and the world would be the ones having kids. my parents tried and I believe they are good people but that doesn't make them good parents.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Regardless of whether having children is moral or immoral, I'd think that the risk of losing a child to something horrible would be a good enough of a reason not to have one right there. Imagine being the parent of a child who is dying or has died from cancer and/or suffered immensely from it (or any other disease). I'd be curious to hear the perspective of someone who has gone through that, and whether or not that experience has caused them to regret their decision to become a parent.

I'm not a parent and I don't have children and I never intended to produce children (I'm in the middle ages of an avg. life time). This is not answered easily in my opinion. All I can say, my mum is still alive alive and me ctb or dieing coz of a a desease before her would kill her immediately. First of all there probably was always grief when a loss happened among humans and especially when a child passed away. But modern society looks at that in a different way than it may have been thousands or ten-thousands of years ago when it was "normal" that only a few out of 10 children survived. Please parents, don't get me wrong here!! I look at it from a pure natural and scientific point of view. Reproducing under any circumstances is sth "naturally" and we humans are actually nothing else but animals or other creatures doing the same only what makes us "different" is we "think" about everything and make more or less "rational" decisons, why tha is so we don't know. At some points "rational decison" seems to be "switched off" and that is when humans still reach the state of consciousness only animals have. Yes from our modern perspective this causes agony and suffering in the one or the other cases unfortunately but this is because human race could ecolutionary not adapt to the evolution of the surroundings.

 

[leavingsoon99]

Who knows. I guess it's a societal duty to the person procreating. Plus religious beliefs, social/cultural pressures. The list goes on. I'm glad that no part of me will be here to see this all collapse.

 

[Prime0]

Because people are retarded and natalist propaganda is pushed through on every inch of the planet.
We're basically parasites, or virus.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Kids typically happen for many people wether or not u want a child. If u have a sexual drive and u are sexually active u are basically consenting to potential offspring. Abortion being available has made kids optional but prior to that being so accessible most pple had children because condoms and hormonal birth control do not work as well as we are told. The sexual drive is extremely powerful especially wen people are in prime years of their health and fertility. If this desire was not so powerful we would die out. But I know what u are saying that it would be nice if people thought about things more before bringing children into disadvantaged circumstances. God did say, be fruitful and multiply. Believe it or not we are actually not reproducing enough and there are consequences economically and wen the population has more elderly than young it's a bad deal. Certain racial groups are actually below replacement level, but not all races are.

 

[saddestbunny]

Kids typically happen for many people wether or not u want a child. If u have a sexual drive and u are sexually active u are basically consenting to potential offspring. Abortion being available has made kids optional but prior to that being so accessible most pple had children because condoms and hormonal birth control do not work as well as we are told. The sexual drive is extremely powerful especially wen people are in prime years of their health and fertility. If this desire was not so powerful we would die out. But I know what u are saying that it would be nice if people thought about things more before bringing children into disadvantaged circumstances. God did say, be fruitful and multiply. Believe it or not we are actually not reproducing enough and there are consequences economically and wen the population has more elderly than young it's a bad deal. Certain racial groups are actually below replacement level, but not all races are.

never understood this tbh, my ex's and I were careful throughout high-school and life and somehow managed not to pop out a kid

just seems to align with my view that it's the ignorant that continue having children, I guess the people who have awareness enough to control where their fluids are going and understand biology wouldn't really have a problem

 

[Spiritual survivor]

never understood this tbh, my ex's and I were careful throughout high-school and life and somehow managed not to pop out a kid

just seems to align with my view that it's the ignorant that continue having children, I guess the people who have awareness enough to control where their fluids are going and understand biology wouldn't really have a problem

It isn't necessarily ignorance as to why people have unwanted or unplanned children. U have to factor in also if a person had been sexually abused as a child, this can set people up for promiscuity and dysfunctional behavior sexually. Some people become damaged from child abuse which causes impulsivity and reckless or irresponsible sexual behavior. Without therapy or intervention these pple tend to have kids by different people and not in stable unions. When I was a youth I used sex as a way to feel loved or wanted instead of it being used in the right context. Unfortunately I ended up getting pregnant in undesirable situations and I aborted my children because I was afraid I couldn't properly care for them knowing I have relational problems among other issues.

 

[Kerrtu]

Well then -

 

[saddestbunny]

It isn't necessarily ignorance as to why people have unwanted or unplanned children. U have to factor in also if a person had been sexually abused as a child, this can set people up for promiscuity and dysfunctional behavior sexually. Some people become damaged from child abuse which causes impulsivity and reckless or irresponsible sexual behavior. Without therapy or intervention these pple tend to have kids by different people and not in stable unions. When I was a youth I used sex as a way to feel loved or wanted instead of it being used in the right context. Unfortunately I ended up getting pregnant in undesirable situations and I aborted my children because I was afraid I couldn't properly care for them knowing I have relational problems among other issues.

I understand, I was also abused. that doesn't change my point. if you were more aware, like now, you wouldn't have had a kid. you yourself didn't think it was a good idea or you wouldn't have made your decision

 

[HighFlight]

Adults have children for many reasons. Some do it because they think they want to have children, or that it is expected of them by their parents or society. Some do it because the actually want to be parents. Still others do it by accident - the simple result of biology. Regardless of why they do it, it is raising the child that is difficult. Many parents understand this and are up for the task. Others are overwhelmed; their lives greatly changed by now having to be responsible for another life.

As both a parent of a child with mental health issues and the son of a father with MH issues, I've been on both sides. And I suffer from my own issues that are spiraling out of control. I will do everything I can to hide my pain from my family, especially my children. Personally, I could never do anything to hurt them (or anyone for that matter), but I do know the wide range of emotions that go along with raising a child - Joy, Excitement, Hope, Frustration, Disappointment, Anger, Sadness. If these are out of balance, the results are not good.

We tend to be quick to judge our parents, and blame them for our problems. I know I blamed my dad for so many things growing up. Please remember that parents are only human - flawed, and suffer from their own physical and mental health issues. And they may not share this with you. I didn't learn this until after my dad died.

I will not pretend to understand the feelings others have towards their parents, and will not suggest to try to look at it from their point of view. I will assume that if you're here, you're way past that point. I would suggest that you make decisions based on what's best for you, and hopefully though those decisions you can find your own peace.

With love for all...

 

[saddestbunny]

the simple fact is no one can say a reason that doesn't sound selfish or asinine because there really isn't one, if someone even comes from a family where they knew they have mental health issues or were dealing with that and chose to have kids without fully understanding and accepting responsibility over their own children's mental health completely (which virtually no one does - maybe there's someone out there) - then they are at fault as well

I would not have kids knowing my parents / family history, and none of my friends who have kids now I would say are particularly qualified

humans have kids because they get the want, and then whatever justification or lack of knowledge of future events makes it play out

 

[HighFlight]

For the first time since join SS, I am feeling a strong level of hostility in this thread. I've lived both sides of this discussion, and know others here have as well. Everyone here is on their own journeys, with their own past experiences and their own pain and suffering. Remember that our posts are our opinions, based on our own history. Hopefully we can accept another's perspective without taking offense to it.

I join SS because for the first time, I felt I could tell others my true feelings, things I couldn't tell my family or therapist. So far, this has been the most accepting group of people of I have every met. Please lets keep it that way.

 

[saddestbunny]

For the first time since join SS, I am feeling a strong level of hostility in this thread. I've lived both sides of this discussion, and know others here have as well. Everyone here is on their own journeys, with their own past experiences and their own pain and suffering. Remember that our posts are our opinions, based on our own history. Hopefully we can accept another's perspective without taking offense to it.

I join SS because for the first time, I felt I could tell others my true feelings, things I couldn't tell my family or therapist. So far, this has been the most accepting group of people of I have every met. Please lets keep it that way.

agree, none taken :)

 

[busybee]

While I feel like living isn't a great thing for me I feel like it is some stupid brain biology thing as I am approaching my last fertile years. I am not sure if I would be willing to press out and care for a living creature (with my mental state that would hard anyway) to that extend and yet each time I see a baby a rational part in brain goes blank because: BABY. Got an IUD to be protected against any dumb hormonal ouvulation impulses cause nope. Any reason I can think of to have a child, hormones aside, all relate to me and not to the child. What I would do with a child and not how the child would end up feeling in this world. That seems rather selfish and unfair from someone that concidered not being alive as often as I have.