Venting Why do people lose interest in me?

[sserafim]

A guy on here stopped talking to me, and this made me sad. He told me why, but I guess I'm still hurt over this. Was I not good enough to be his friend?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Some people lose interest in others. It's normal and happens to everyone. It's just a part of life and it's nothing to feel bad about.

 

[eaturdirt]

I can guarantee you that you're for sure an interesting person. Everyone has their own stories and things they like and dislike, I think you seem interesting ^^

 

[sserafim]

Some people lose interest in others. It's normal and happens to everyone. It's just a part of life and it's nothing to feel bad about.

I'm just sad that he doesn't want to be my friend

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm just sad that he doesn't want to be my friend

I know that it must hurt, but time's arrow keeps on marching forward. Eventually it'll just be a distant memory.

 

[bookgirl]

I feel this so much

 

[Suicidebydeath]

A guy on here stopped talking to me, and this made me sad. He told me why, but I guess I'm still hurt over this. Was I not good enough to be his friend?

You're good enough! Some people are just dicks. Remember, they're directly responsible for making you feel like you weren't good enough. It's not true.

 

[sserafim]

You're good enough! Some people are just dicks. Remember, they're directly responsible for making you feel like you weren't good enough. It's not true.

He said that I was repetitive and didn't say anything that impressed him

 

[Suicidebydeath]

He said that I was repetitive and didn't say anything that impressed him

You may be experiencing what's known as "negging" – a manipulative tactic often employed by individuals with toxic or insecure attitudes toward women. Was this other person perhaps a misogynist or incel? In this case, the guy who was talking negatively to you likely utilized this tactic as a means of asserting power and control over you.

Negging is essentially a form of psychological manipulation where someone delivers backhanded compliments or subtle insults disguised as constructive criticism. The goal is to undermine the person's self-confidence and make them more receptive to the manipulator's advances. They don't necessarily have a basis in reality. I believe a lot of people here are going to say that you're interesting and not repetitive.

In this situation, the guy may have initially targeted you because of your confidence and independence, traits that may have made him feel threatened or inadequate. By criticizing you and making you feel insecure, he may have hoped to gain control over you and diminish your self-worth. Something which I think is evidenced by your recent threads and how you've been feeling the past few days since this all happened.

It's important for you to recognize that the problem lies with the other guy's behavior, not with you. No one deserves to be treated disrespectfully or made to feel inferior by someone else, especially under the guise of friendship. I encourage you to distance yourself from individuals who exhibit such toxic behavior and to surround yourself with people who appreciate and respect you for who you truly are.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

With some people it's part of their mental illness/condition. They feel themselves getting close then have to sabotage it to protect themselves. The man I love does this all the time, with me and with others. To most people he would just seem rude and cruel but I know about his BPD/childhood trauma and why he has to do this.

 

[kommsussertod]

I'm just sad that he doesn't want to be my friend

I feel that. I lose all of my friends because they always find someone better. My ex wife and best friend ditched me too, that's why I'm on here xD

 

[NoFutureAnymore]

A guy on here stopped talking to me, and this made me sad. He told me why, but I guess I'm still hurt over this. Was I not good enough to be his friend?

I noticed that it's in general difficult to build a connection with people here, so I gave up on that idea. It's not your fault!
BTW you can send me a PM if you want to talk :)

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

A lot of people here are more preoccupied with their own troubles to concern themselves with others, usually because of whatever brought them to the site in the first place. We can all be friendly to each other on a surface level but in private conversation it's a different story.

 

[Final_Choice]

It was more than likely just on their side and doesn't mean that you're the problem in any way. Stuff happens, for one reason or another people just stop communicating and it could be for so many different reasons and does not mean that you're not interesting or not worthy of being their friend. I try to keep communications going with people who reach out to me on here but sometimes it does get a bit too hard and I can go for several days without communicating, but that's solely due to my own issues and not because of the other person.

 

[Zanmato]

He said that I was repetitive and didn't say anything that impressed him

Sorry to hear this
Honestly, I'm surprised.
I don't know you, so I can talk only for your post, and I like your answers and points if view, so I don't get it

 

[WhenTheyCry]

Modern friendships has turned into transactional relationships, if they don't see any potential gains, they just stop communicating with you. I lost a friend because of this.

 

[sserafim]

Modern friendships has turned into transactional relationships, if they don't see any potential gains, they just stop communicating with you. I lost a friend because of this.

This is what he said

"You just haven't said something insightful or anything that impressed me."

"I just don't see any need to talk to you
it was fine at first but your topics are very repetitive and you don't say anything very interesting or funny"

 

[WhenTheyCry]

This is what he said

"You just haven't said something insightful or anything that impressed me."

"I just don't see any need to talk to you
it was fine at first but your topics are very repetitive and you don't say anything very interesting or funny"

People are always changing, you two may have vibed well at first but grown distant over time. I had a friend who I met over our common interest in Minecraft (video game), but I got bored of the game and we stopped playing together. We didn't manage to reconnect over a new game or interest. People might also feel interested at you at first but find out later you don't fulfill their expectations of you. It's time to move on, forget about the time you've sunk in a failed friendship.

Getting a new friend is only half the journey, maintaining the relationship is the other half.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I can't keep up the conversation with normies. I had two serious relationships with men and both times we shared similar non normie interests. (Esoterics, conspiracies, philosophy, etc...)

 

[pilotviolin]

He said that I was repetitive and didn't say anything that impressed him

we dont exist just to impress other people or keep them continually entertained, that person may have thought you were not interesting, but that doesn't dictate your worth, mind or depth. i understand how it hurts a lot to hear though or leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Do you want to be everyone's friend? Probably not. You probably have preferences. People you have more things in common with and can relate to. That's not being unkind, that's just how it is really. The more popular the person, the more things they have going on in their life, the more they'll likely have to pick and choose who to spend time on.

It can be upsetting when we're way down on their priority list but sometimes, you just have to accept it- almost expect it in a way. I try so hard not to expect things of people now. It's a recipe for getting hurt. It's difficult though. We have to commit and trust somewhat to form friendships.

I think you should maybe do what others have suggested though and question why you wanted this person in your life. They didn't seem all that kind! Maybe they articulated everything you feel. That's always appealing.

I think it's sometimes good to realise that some people have really good points- they can be articulate, interesting, funny and entertaining but- if they make you feel like shit- and they don't seem to care that they demean people, is it really that great to be around them or, even want a relationship with them? I had a crazy limerent crush on a guy like that once. You don't want to go there!

 

[sserafim]

I can't keep up the conversation with normies. I had two serious relationships with men and both times we shared similar non normie interests. (Esoterics, conspiracies, philosophy, etc...)

He wasn't a normie though

 

[EvisceratedJester]

This is what he said

"You just haven't said something insightful or anything that impressed me."

"I just don't see any need to talk to you
it was fine at first but your topics are very repetitive and you don't say anything very interesting or funny"

If he wants to reject you as a friend, then fine. Rejection sucks but it's part of life and friendships aren't something that can or should be forced onto others. However, he sounds like a complete asshole and, to be honest with you, you dodged a bullet big time.

Imagine having the audacity to tell someone who wants to be your friend that they don't say things that impress you or that you don't see the need to talk to them. Imagine being that rude.

This honestly might be for the best.

 

[surroundedbydemons]

Was I not good enough to be his friend?

I don't think it's accurate to say you weren't 'good enough' to be his friend. It's not solely about you but also about the dynamics between both parties. (unless you said something completely inappropriate, like I did under the spoiler...).

Do not put the blame on yourself only (if you want to blame someone, but idk why you would do it - it is not necessary...).

For example, leavingthesoultrap mentioned a good idea:

I can't keep up the conversation with normies. I had two serious relationships with men and both times we shared similar non normie interests. (Esoterics, conspiracies, philosophy, etc...)

You don't have to enjoy the conversation with everyone on the planet; similarly, others may not always find your conversations entertaining.


You do not have to view friendship as a series of one-way interactions (from either party). Friendship is more about mutual reciprocation and recognition.
And this:

we dont exist just to impress other people or keep them continually entertained, that person may have thought you were not interesting, but that doesn't dictate your worth, mind or depth.

~~~

If I were you, I would not only focus on what went wrong with one sample of "a person losing interest in you," but I would think about the other times you had the same experience. You cannot make inferences without having more than one sample. The guy might have just been offensive, and that is the problem on his side.

And as other members put it, it is what it is.

My opinionated advice would be to move on. There are 8 billion people, as selfishly as it sounds.

Spoiler: the majority might consider this part offensive or disturbing

Disclaimer: I do not intend to harass, bully, or disrespect you, and I do not intend to incite hate in this thread. Please do not ban me over this, I will happily edit it if you require. I have never interacted with you outside of commenting on your threads, so the takes here might be wildly exaggerated.
Disclaimer 2: I am not expressing a "negging" behavior mentioned by Suicidebydeath; I am trying to be as objective as possible and offer you a perspective that does not agree with the general population on this forum.


Judging solely from the responses you leave in your threads and not from talking to you directly: While you generally provide thought-provoking questions and sometimes engage in conversations with other users, you contribute very little compared to others. Do not get me wrong: I do enjoy reading your responses, but I think you need to provide more in return and focus more on other people to continue the conversation and not on yourself. You had very good advice in the How to be more interesting? thread

(The following paragraph sounds offensive) I also think you are used to attention because you are a female, and it is incredibly easy for females to get attention. But people notice that there is nothing more than that (being a female), and they move on. That is, people expect something back from you (not sex). They want a two-way conversation. (I am not an incel...)

Suicidebydeath wrote:

You may be experiencing what's known as "negging" – a manipulative tactic often employed by individuals with toxic or insecure attitudes toward women. Was this other person perhaps a misogynist or incel? In this case, the guy who was talking negatively to you likely utilized this tactic as a means of asserting power and control over you.

While I do agree with him/her, I do not discard the possibility of you being clingy/needy.
I believe you can reflect on it and determine if either of the behaviors was displayed from either side. That is why I recommend you to gather the data and really think where the problem lies (if there is one...)