Why do my attempts to ctb never work?

[Kyotospade]

I keep getting told that "Maybe it's because you don't want to actually go" or "It's not your time".
I've been struggling for over 10 years with these thoughts , I want to ctb more then anything else.
I've been struggling with scizophrenia and bpd for far to long .

Am I not trying hard enough or am I just to dumb to be able to do anything correctly?
I just need some form of advice

 

[Forveleth]

First, do not feel bad. It is, genuinely, really hard to kill yourself. Your body is built for the sole purpose of survival.

As far as why you are failing, I can not give you a definitive answer but I can share some reasons I have seen:

• Poorly planned method. Either the method itself is not a good one (OD on OTC meds) or you are performing the method incorrectly.
• Not being comfortable with your method. It is a strange, foreign act which then makes you tense when you try to perform it and kicks in your SI.
• Giving yourself a deadline. Setting a date puts extra pressure on yourself, again increasing anxiety and SI.
• And, yes, not really being ready. While attempts take a bit of spontaneity, usually the people who succeed the most are ones who perform their attempt in some mood of calmness and a feeling of "readiness" to die.

Sorry I can not give you a more specific answer.

 

[ThatRussianDude]

I wonder how calm the benzos would make you when you'd know that you will soon die.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand just wanting to be gone, it sounds like you've suffered a lot, it's just so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I personally just see so much cruelty in how it's so difficult to be free from this existence, I wish there's the option to just simply die in a peaceful way, I suffer so much from how painless, guaranteed death isn't accessible for me as I just want to never exist ever again. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.

 

[Kyotospade]

I wonder how calm the benzos would make you when you'd know that you will soon die.

I wouldn't even know how to get any atm , I doubt I could get a prescription for it because I've been known to overdose.

 

[itriedinthislife2]

I wouldn't even know how to get any atm , I doubt I could get a prescription for it because I've been known to overdose.

dark web to answer the first question