Venting why do i always feel lonely in this world

[TheLonelyReaper]

Hi everyone, just a 21 yo boy here.
it's like even if i try to talk with people the deep feeling of loneliness doesn't abandon me at all. The void i have inside is something immeasurable, not a single relationship could fill the emptiness i have inside.
I sometimes crave connections, but at the same time I desperately struggle to make new ones, and also be so awkward and isolated.
i feel so diverse compared to my peers, by interest, way of behaving and thinking, something is really off about me, like I am not meant to fit in really, a problem that has been haunting me now since i was born.
I feel like i am alone even when with hundreds of people, i don't know if I will ever find peace with myself…
Fortunately my ctb thoughts lately are not intense as they used to, but i feel like i don't want to live life through the years, like i am giving myself an expiry date. It would really be a drag to live life till 80s, and die as an elder, so boring and painful.
Late 20s are enough, i am in that phase in which i genuinely hope not to wake up from sleep every single night, but it never happens, but i would never self inflict me ctb…
Don't know, just feel strange and dissociated, like nothing has really a meaning, but at least i am not being overly dramatic about it like i used to, not big rage moments, sprouts of raw emotions, i am just calm and collected, brutally cynical.
(still think about her after all this time, men are capable of loving a girl and standing by her for the rest of their lives)
anyway, hope everyone is doing fine here :)

 

[Galam]

Maybe others see you as ugly and don't want to connect with you. I suffer from this. Not all people will say directly the truth but they all have biological reactions. Very smal pupils, shocked face, angry face, disgusted face. They try to look not into your eyes. Some start to laugh and can't hold it in.
Some spite in your direction. They gossip take pictures.
and if you talk with them they are easly passiv aggresiv.

I have no health care, and social workers are not good humans either. One sabotaged my care assistance because she thinks I am ugly, dumb and bad. I always get the Horn Effect.

 

[TheLonelyReaper]

Maybe others see you as ugly and don't want to connect with you. I suffer from this. Not all people will say directly the truth but they all have biological reactions. Very smal pupils, shocked face, angry face, disgusted face. They try to look not into your eyes. Some start to laugh and can't hold it in.
Some spite in your direction. They gossip take pictures.
and if you talk with them they are easly passiv aggresiv.

I have no health care, and social workers are not good humans either. One sabotaged my care assistance because she thinks I am ugly, dumb and bad. I always get the Horn Effect.

nah i am a firm supporter of the blackpill teory, but i would not describe myself as ugly, not at all. I am 6 foot 3 and just for this for society i can't be seen as a freak… anyway i describe myself as mid in aspect, my real problem is i think i am a mentalcel

 

[mirror_mercury]

because you chose to be

lol

literally. the internet, you can connect with anyone you want, so why aren't you doing it?

 

[TheLonelyReaper]

because you chose to be

lol

literally. the internet, you can connect with anyone you want, so why aren't you doing it?

yes, but in the end
i lose interest in people extremely easily, dunno why… i vague from the comfort of loneliness and the desire of company every single day of my miserable life

 

[lunar02102009]

Hi everyone, just a 21 yo boy here.
it's like even if i try to talk with people the deep feeling of loneliness doesn't abandon me at all. The void i have inside is something immeasurable, not a single relationship could fill the emptiness i have inside.
I sometimes crave connections, but at the same time I desperately struggle to make new ones, and also be so awkward and isolated.
i feel so diverse compared to my peers, by interest, way of behaving and thinking, something is really off about me, like I am not meant to fit in really, a problem that has been haunting me now since i was born.
I feel like i am alone even when with hundreds of people, i don't know if I will ever find peace with myself…
Fortunately my ctb thoughts lately are not intense as they used to, but i feel like i don't want to live life through the years, like i am giving myself an expiry date. It would really be a drag to live life till 80s, and die as an elder, so boring and painful.
Late 20s are enough, i am in that phase in which i genuinely hope not to wake up from sleep every single night, but it never happens, but i would never self inflict me ctb…
Don't know, just feel strange and dissociated, like nothing has really a meaning, but at least i am not being overly dramatic about it like i used to, not big rage moments, sprouts of raw emotions, i am just calm and collected, brutally cynical.
(still think about her after all this time, men are capable of loving a girl and standing by her for the rest of their lives)
anyway, hope everyone is doing fine here :)

I know what your feeling trust me. So many of us are lonely in this world its really depressing

 

[Forever Sleep]

I guess ultimately, no one can know what it's like to be us. We may come close, with people who have similar interests/ hopes/ outlooks/ backgrounds/ worries. If we've live with people a long time, we may get to know them really well. But ultimately, our particular circumstances are unique. They simply can't know exactly what it's like to be us. So, they may not fully be able to relate to us.

It's also quite a big ask- when you think about it. That someone should be so invested in us that they try to find out everything about us and how we're feeling. I think most of us are concentrating on our own lives to the greater extent.

Also, to become that obsessed with someone else isn't necessarily all that healthy. Speaking as someone who suffers from limerence- obsessive crushes on guys.

I guess we're social animals so- it's natural we want to feel like we belong. Maybe you need to ask yourself what you're actually after though? To feel at home in a large social circle or to be really well known by just one or two people? Or, both? Do you feel like you're missing something, that being around others will give you?

Are you interested in them? That could be part of it. People can probably sense when we're not interested in them so- they may be less willing to invest their time in us as a result.

I tend to think we can only fake interest up to a point. Kind of like small talk pleasantries. Beyond that though, you may not remember stuff about them. So that makes it obvious we aren't invested. I guess the trick is to find people you are genuinely interested in/ have similarities with. I've found a shared interest is a good starting point.

Ultimately though, I realised that it was too much to expect friends to kind of fix bits of me. In my experience, the more people gave, the more I seemed to want and worse- became reliant on. So, I've headed in the other direction. Tried to become more self reliant. Not that it's a healthy way to live but, it's much calmer.