Crow_88
Specialist
- Dec 30, 2024
- 371
Really just super not into living. Every day is the same. Eat bad food, stay inside, be bored, wish things were different and know that things will only get worse. I dream of better days, wake up, and the feeling of goodness fades in seconds. Blah. No friends. No job. No hope. Homeless misery is my future if I stay alive. A few stats about my life. My grandma had a stroke on my birthday while i was blowing out my candles. My mom is and was a full flown addict who has admitted to ruining my life. She used to love telling my secrets to everyone. My dad committed suicide at 52 and my family was just full on addiction.
My mom was a drug dealer who spent her times around junkies and such. Yet, for some reason, i didn't pick up any street skills. I was homeless a couple of months ago and on and off for years now. I have zero skills, including zero social skiils, and am hopelessly anxious and paranoid.
The best part - tonight I found out that part of what I was paranoid about is actually true and there actually is a bit of a conspiracy against me. That's thanks to my mom as well. Hey. No big deal. ShE mEaNt WeLl. And sHe DiD hEr BeSt. Despite it all I do love her. But I also resent her so so much. And yet, here I am living in her crummy community housing apartment. If she dies, I am homeless. So, yeah. Other than a lottery I haen't signed up for or a miracle, there isn't any way out.
Never did I think i would one day yearn to just have have an average life. I see the 'average' lives of others. Average they may be. But they have love.
~ Tyler
PS not a suicide note. but it felt right to sign my first name.
My mom was a drug dealer who spent her times around junkies and such. Yet, for some reason, i didn't pick up any street skills. I was homeless a couple of months ago and on and off for years now. I have zero skills, including zero social skiils, and am hopelessly anxious and paranoid.
The best part - tonight I found out that part of what I was paranoid about is actually true and there actually is a bit of a conspiracy against me. That's thanks to my mom as well. Hey. No big deal. ShE mEaNt WeLl. And sHe DiD hEr BeSt. Despite it all I do love her. But I also resent her so so much. And yet, here I am living in her crummy community housing apartment. If she dies, I am homeless. So, yeah. Other than a lottery I haen't signed up for or a miracle, there isn't any way out.
Never did I think i would one day yearn to just have have an average life. I see the 'average' lives of others. Average they may be. But they have love.
~ Tyler
PS not a suicide note. but it felt right to sign my first name.
