Venting Why can’t my brain deal with stress like a normal person

[trying ungracefully]

I think I'm in a mixed episode right now but I can't really tell because I'm still basically fine. But I'm depressed, more energetic at times and NEEDING to move, some delusions I can push away, and I want to spend money on stupid things like eating out everyday. Sleep is still completely fine.

It's just that when I talked to my psychiatrist she was asking what a stressor could have been. And the only one I could think of is my boyfriend and all the arguments and bs we have been doing. It's obviously very stressful.

So now my brain can just say fuck you and send me into a shit show that messes things up badly. I can't even have my own money right now because if I do I won't be able to get the bike I need/want once the website works again. My boyfriend got upset yesterday because I kept pressing him to get a drink and he said we need to save and he's bought a lot this week and he wouldn't take that I could use my money. It honestly really upset me because I just want to buy SOMETHING.

My lamotrigine is getting upped to 300mg and I see her in a week to see how I'm doing. I feel completely fine right now but I know it can get real bad. I was a contributing factor on why my boyfriend lost his car and is in debt because of my manic episode. I can't have that happen again.

 

[witchcraft]

I don't handle stress well either. Many people say that life isn't about being happy, it's about responsibility and purpose and fulfillment. Tried all that and all I got was stress and burnout and an even deeper desire to CTB.

Hope your situation improves.