Why can't it just be easier

[SD2007]

Less than a week until I'm meant to move to England for university. The city my ex lives in and I just don't think I can do it. 3/4 months ago I thought it would be the happiest/best thing I've ever done. I remember smiling and being so excited each time I got to the airport to go to England. I've had spells of not being happy in the past but at the start of 2026 I thought I'd never feel those feelings again. But the past 2 and a half months have been the worst period of my life ever and I feel like I'm insane. How am I meant to move to the city of the girl I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with? The girl I waited to meet. The girl who was my first kiss and lost my virginity to. The feelings have just been getting worse each week since the breakup. The only times I feel okay now are when I'm at the gym, drinking, hurting myself or when I'm on this site. The thought of kissing or having sex with anyone else disgusts me. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Hopefully I'll stop being a pussy. Get drunk and hang myself. I still love her so much and I just don't see myself ever getting over her and even though each time I've told people about her and how the relationship ended they've said I "dodged a bullet" but I just don't see it that way. I hope I get hit by a car or murdered tomorrow. That's all I wish for now. My life is so much better now financially and in terms of my physical health and friendships but the only thing I truly care about is her. I love you still Z and I hope you have a great life. I know she won't see this but still idfk anymore.

 

[tothestars]

Definitely break ups can be the catalyst to suicidal thoughts for me too. It sucks. For me it feels like love and how deep it goes once you find someone you work well with, is one of the only true reasons to keep on going. And when you lose that it feels in that moment like ending it all will help the pain and solve a life long condition of bull shit. So just saying I relate and feel that rn too bc a breakup + worsening health stuff is pushing the issue too.

 

[enso]

Hi!

I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Hopefully I'll stop being a pussy

Why do you think, that you are being a "pussy"? What does it mean for you?

It is really important memories to keep, to cherish them, and at the same time it can be better to understand, that you can not bring the past back. You can not enter the same river twice.

You were both experience for each other. You both got some understanding of yourselves, what do you want from life.

How did you live before knowing her? Did you suffer because you lost something else? Where is this suffering now?

It is said, that to love is to let go. Truly, we don't have real control over anything in lives. You don't control when, where, how you are born, what is your family and school. Other things are determined by previous factors too. You just had to meet with that girl, and you also had to break up with her too. Look back, could things really happened other way? And be honest with yourself