Venting Why can't it be easy

[Some place nice]

So I guess my SI is really strong. Anything painful i can't do. So i have to do things that are peaceful. I might try to secure a plastic bag over my head and try to fall asleep, see how I react to that. I'll duct tape the fucker if I have to. I've experimented with hanging but I just can't do it, cutting didn't work, idk if I could handle drowning but, if suffocating don't work I'll try that, if not that than I know of two overpasses near me. I'd rather not do the overpass but if nothing else ain't gonna work than ig imma do the thing I don't want to do. I've got no money so what I do needs to be free or if I get Christmas money it'll be only $20 so I'd have to go cheap. It sucks being broke and suicidal but, broke people always find a way. If there are other free or really cheap ways that I don't know of I'll be happy to read about them. I got time I think I'm gonna do it on the start of 2024 after my mom goes to bed or go for a walk before 12 and do it than. I'm still work shopping my method but I'll have it down by Christmas. My last straw was when I fell in love and than they told me that they needed a friend, than saying that we could still happen, than them telling me that they are embarrassed of the feelings they have for me that they only feel a bit of. Than they found someone... It makes me so fucking sad to see how this other person is actually making them happy. I feel like I failed them and that's why they fell out of live with me... I had everything...everything I ever wanted... I ruined them tho. I told them bad advice to the point that it effected them physically and mentally. I can never forgive myself for that... They deserve happiness but if I ctb than they will too but, that's thier own damn fault. They have a stable job, their own house, 5 cars, and someone that they love. They have it all... Everything I want down to where they live (not actually where they live but a place like it), I wanna live in my small town again or any for that fact. I'm tired of the city... Even tho its a small one... Sorry the ramble at the end ig I needed to get it off my chest.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to die on our own terms, it'd be such a relief if existence came with an permanent offswitch to find peace from all the suffering. It's cruel how we have to struggle so much to be free from this existence we aren't even obligated to stay in, but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[itwillallbeoverr]

Honestly, that Sarco pod seems like such an easy way to go. If it was accessible and affordable I would have done it by now.