I
I screwed up
Waiting for the damn bus
- Sep 11, 2019
- 883
I am holding on because I am the biggest chicken in this world. Can't overcome my freakin SI
1) All the methods I have available for the forseeable future aren't as foolproof as I'd like, and I'm frightened they will fail and I'll end up iin an even worse situation
2) Intense guilt about leaving my immediate family. I worry my death may cause my parents and brothers to throw away their own lives, which are fairly normal and healthy at the moment.
3) I don't know if I deserve to commit suicide. It would end my pain, but maybe I'm too pathetic and lonely and damaged that I deserve it all.
4) A very small part of me thinks that if I hold out long enough I might stumble upon people that actually don't mind me, maybe even like me.
1) All the methods I have available for the forseeable future aren't as foolproof as I'd like, and I'm frightened they will fail and I'll end up iin an even worse situation
2) Intense guilt about leaving my immediate family. I worry my death may cause my parents and brothers to throw away their own lives, which are fairly normal and healthy at the moment.
3) I don't know if I deserve to commit suicide. It would end my pain, but maybe I'm too pathetic and lonely and damaged that I deserve it all.
4) A very small part of me thinks that if I hold out long enough I might stumble upon people that actually don't mind me, maybe even like me. Though I also know that would be a long, painful wait. It won't be happening in the next 5 years, but probably after I'm 30/40.