What exactly am I supposed to do anyway?

[Geodude77]

Everyday I stay alive, life just keeps getting worse and worse. I'm not going to get into detail since I've already done that in past posts. Yet in spite of this I find it extremely difficult to actually convince myself to die. I don't know what the other side is going to be like and if there is no other side, I don't know how I can begin to imagine what non-existence feels like. So what am I supposed to do exactly? I've mostly just spend my days trying to isolate and forget about the things in my life that make it worse but I think it's lead me to spend way too much time on the internet and has made me increasingly negative about the outside world.

 

[kilowatt]

Yet in spite of this I find it extremely difficult to actually convince myself to die.

Then you don't. You seek other options. CTB is not a choice to force yourself towards. A lot will try to go through with it while unprepared mentally and fail or back out.
I'm not aware of your life situation but from this post alone you don't seem too certain about yourself