Why are you still alive?

[migimortis]

Why are you still alive? Is it fear? Not wanting to hurt loved ones? Not knowing how to ctb? The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm a coward. I should've killed myself years ago. Sure family may be upset but they are upset over me being a failure anyway. I'm alive because I'm weak. I'm not living, I'm simply holding on.

Why are you still alive?

 

[hikikomorizombie]

bc im a cowarddddd B) there is literally 0 reason for me to be alive & continue to be alive. if my attempt 6 yrs ago had worked, it would've saved me.

 

[ihatemylifee]

I don't have a sn resource

 

[migimortis]

bc im a cowarddddd B) there is literally 0 reason for me to be alive & continue to be alive. if my attempt 6 yrs ago had worked, it would've saved me.

You attempted, you are less of a coward than me.

I don't have a sn resource

I don't know alot about this unfortunately.

 

[FireFox]

Why are you still alive? Is it fear? Not wanting to hurt loved ones? Not knowing how to ctb? The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm a coward. I should've killed myself years ago. Sure family may be upset but they are upset over me being a failure anyway. I'm alive because I'm weak. I'm not living, I'm simply holding on.

Why are you still alive?

@migimortis my teenage sister is the main reason, we are very close. If I was successful in killing myself she will not have an effective support system.

● My relatives are biggest self centred aresholes ever. They have made fun of me for being the crazy family member and when I die I can identify which relatives will be gossiping about how I was always the crazy one.

● my mum cares way too much what these arseholes think and will not cope with the public shame and family gossip over my suicide.

 

[Mitsumi]

failed attempts, that aside just little things that keep me going like books, movies etc

 

[corrupted feelings]

Mostly because I'm scared about death. But also because I still don't know how I'll ctb.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

I lost my mental strength.

Each time i tried to die people have intervened or my methods failed, i tried a shotgun and hanging both failed.

Im currently sourcing N, unfortunately it seems i may have to physically persuade a certain entity to you know, give it up. Polypropylene is nice

But we will cross that bridge in time

 

[Bed]

scared of the process of dying mostly. curiosity/naive optimism is a secondary reason. hoping i can enjoy life one day and maybe not be in chronic pain 24/7.

 

[John-Doe]

i'm trying to make it until my dog passes away. she's turning 9 soon so she still has some years left, it's going to be really hard to wait until then but we're both very attached to each other and i don't want to deal with the guilt of abandoning her if i ctb.

 

[migimortis]

@migimortis my teenage sister is the main reason, we are very close. If I was successful in killing myself she will not have an effective support system.

● My relatives are biggest self centred aresholes ever. They have made fun of me for being the crazy family member and when I die I can identify which relatives will be gossiping about how I was always the crazy one.

● my mum cares way too much what these arseholes think and will not cope with the public shame and family gossip over my suicide.

You're tough. You are staying for her. I hope you mange to cope well

failed attempts, that aside just little things that keep me going like books, movies etc

Sorry to hear that, hopefully no lasting damage.

Mostly because I'm scared about death. But also because I still don't know how I'll ctb.

Same basically. More scared about messing up more specifically. I don't want to be paralyzed.

 

[fuzzy-clown]

I'm supposed to look after my parents during their last years

 

[throneofdispair03]

Why are you still alive? Is it fear? Not wanting to hurt loved ones? Not knowing how to ctb? The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm a coward. I should've killed myself years ago. Sure family may be upset but they are upset over me being a failure anyway. I'm alive because I'm weak. I'm not living, I'm simply holding on.

Why are you still alive?

me being a coward plus family finding the body. the slipknot is literally waiting in my closet

 

[Neverfeltdeader]

Procrastination.

 

[hail]

too lazy to attempt + don't have a viable method

 

[cracklingroses]

Why are you still alive? Is it fear? Not wanting to hurt loved ones? Not knowing how to ctb? The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm a coward. I should've killed myself years ago. Sure family may be upset but they are upset over me being a failure anyway. I'm alive because I'm weak. I'm not living, I'm simply holding on.

Why are you still alive?

I am terrified of failing. Like if I don't complete the suicide, and I wake up in a much worse position. I go back and forth on whether or not I would impact my family. Frankly I think they would have more means to move up in their own lives when I am finally gone. A huge release of burden for them. I know they say they care for me, but I think deep down they wish I had died long ago. You come to that conclusion when years go by of continued neglect, being used, and never getting the proper help you need whether its physical or mental health care. They have been happy to sit back and watch me die and I can't help but feel like they are like "any day now". I mean they have flat out told me to just do it so I mean I don't think I am jumping to assumptions here. I don't want to leave my dogs, but I know they would be taken care of and wouldn't have to listen to me sob every night. It is a very tricky thing trying to leave this place. So many complexities for each individual situation to take into account. I wish I was just ignorant and impulsive enough to just do it sometimes, but I never stop thinking about what ifs and potential consequences for myself and those around me. I hate it. What I wouldn't do for a miraculous way to just die in my sleep in a facility where my parents aren't the ones to find me, and I can just be tossed away in peace.

 

[divinemistress36]

Afraid of failing and ending up a vegetable

 

[thetaperfade69]

Holding on hope she'll come back, but probably won't happen. Wish I had an easy way to access SN, N, or H.

 

[Nori]

I don't want to leave my sister and mother with more tragedy in their lives and for the most part that keeps me in check. I've also gotten a lot better since I was like- let's say 15. I am really hopeful towards the future if I can make it that far.

 

[Lost Magic]

Because I have a good method and I am not fully ready yet. Still, some stuff in the basement to sort out, first.

 

[Ariii]

Pretty standard, afraid of the pain+dont have a method+afraid of if i fail

 

[Catch-22]

Only because I'm not sure if I have the medication to go by OD. There is information on here but because of illness I have cognitive issues and cannot calculate very well. Until I can make sure that I have the right amount of medication and the right ratios I cannot take the chance. If I find someone to help me then maybe I and finally go. I can't take this physical and mental pain much longer

 

[Finalnight]

Why are you still alive? Is it fear? Not wanting to hurt loved ones? Not knowing how to ctb? The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm a coward. I should've killed myself years ago. Sure family may be upset but they are upset over me being a failure anyway. I'm alive because I'm weak. I'm not living, I'm simply holding on.

Why are you still alive?

Just waiting for the right time, I hope soon enough, I really hope so..

 

[Nyotei]

I have a recovery partner. I have to stay around for him. I also have responsibilities. For now, dying is just a daydream...

 

[0000000000000]

I accept death with open arms.

I only need to complete the plan and ensure a method that has very low chances of failing.

 

[maddog58]

I'm too much of an empathetic and I care about the people in my life. I'm genuinely still here for them because I don't want to hurt them.

 

[merricat]

Why are you still alive? Is it fear? Not wanting to hurt loved ones? Not knowing how to ctb? The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm a coward. I should've killed myself years ago. Sure family may be upset but they are upset over me being a failure anyway. I'm alive because I'm weak. I'm not living, I'm simply holding on.

Why are you still alive?

-my parents
-fear of death
-hope for the future

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm too pathetic to actually kill myself. One of my reasons for liking death in the first place is that I don't want to put any effort into anything at all and being alive requires a lot of effort. Also, I don't really have a chance to kill myself as I'm autistic and I live with parents who don't really let me go out freely

 

[MiMif]

I don't know....my main reason is I can't really find a method.

I actually made a post kinda similar to this mentioning how it's pretty easy to kill yourself and well...I really take it back. It's near impossible right now for me gosh. The only sure way is a gun but I know if I had a gun in my hands I wouldn't be able to bring myself to pull the trigger.

Other than that some small things make me reconsider dying. I know I will never find happiness I know that and I know no one really cares about me and I know I'm bothering everyone around me. But once I'm done with school my main goal is to get an apartment and live alone...maybe with a cat but I want zero people in my life. I wanna find an online job and I'll cut contact with my family. I want to get to that point and I just need to make it through a few more years of school to get there. I wonder if I'll finally find happiness once I get the solitude I crave...I doubt I will but thats what keeps me going. People make me miserable

However I found a method I'm comfortable with recently (partial hanging) and there's also a possible jumping spot near me I've been thinking of.

 

[lament.]

The sensation I get in my body as I am seconds away from death is terrifying. I think I might have to try a different method, but I don't know if I have the energy to go out and jump off a bridge or something.