Why are you going to commit suicide?

[SomewhereAlongThe]

I see a lot of people talk about suicide on this site, but nobody ever really seems to get to the core reason of why they want to do what they are planning.

I want to commit suicide because I have nothing in life to live for, literally nobody loves me or really wants me around, and I cannot pursue my passion in life because I feel I lack the raw ability to do so. So I'm left here, a homebody living on disability with nothing to do. The main reason I want to end it is because I have nothing in life to put my energy towards. I feel empty and unloved.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I'm disabled and in physical and mental pain every day. I'm on disability and doomed to live in deep poverty for the rest of my life.

 

[Linda]

I see a lot of people talk about suicide on this site, but nobody ever really seems to get to the core reason of why they want to do what they are planning.

I want to commit suicide because I have nothing in life to live for, literally nobody loves me or really wants me around, and I cannot pursue my passion in life because I feel I lack the raw ability to do so. So I'm left here, a homebody living on disability with nothing to do. The main reason I want to end it is because I have nothing in life to put my energy towards. I feel empty and unloved.

That seems a perfectly good reason. The alternative way forward would be to find something to do that gives your life a purpose. Of course, that's easier to say than to do, but you might be able to find a way.

In my case, I will ctb if my husband dies before me. Not otherwise. I'm not interested in living without him. I have felt that way for many years, and now than my life's work is done I feel it even more strongly.

 

[suacide]

The one thing I had left is gone, I was only staying around for my mom. I'm useless in every other regard, and all I can offer others are my words and my mediocre art that will get me nowhere because I don't have the motivation to monetise it. Every thought I have is clouded with fog, until I start thinking of dying. Then it's like I'm back to life, my brain is clear. It feels hopeful. I can feel myself decaying as a person the longer I live, so in order to not let myself die ugly, disgusting and bitter from time, I need to die soon.

 

[road2joy]

honestly, because i let myself get taken advantage of at every avenue of life, my whole family hates me or doesn't respect me, they all talk about me like i have no friends and will never get married which wasn't actually always true, but they said that even to my grandparents who were very surprised when they saw pictures of me with friends. i've been exiled by my mom and am not allowed at the house for non-reasons. that's it really. i hate my mom. my mom is a horrible bitch and growing up everybody knew this and was vocal about it but weirdly nowadays everybody takes her side, even though shes clearly exremely cold and aggressive. i think people are probably scared of her and what she could do socially. i don't actually think she's a psychopath or a NPD parent, but used a very toxic parenting style nonetheless. i was fucked up at an early age. i have BPD and i believe it's because of my upbringing.

but the real reason i'm thinking of catching the bus is because i live in toronto and it's extremely expensive anywhere you go around here. everyone is also mean. i pay 1000$ to live in a dirty house with 6 people. my career is doing okay and i might be able to get ODSP eventually if i can get a proper BPD/autism diagnosis and my job goes awry, which is what i believe i have. autism is mild, but it's there.

this house is temporary but i just got here and there were 4 smoke alarms with low battery lying around the house and constant beeping, and a strange bulldozing noise that went on all night that was coming from inside the house and my landlord couldn't identify it. i found 2 of the smoke alarms and put them outside. 2 of them are still beeping. my last apartment i rented, i spent over 20,000$ for only 1 year and it had mold. i am 70,000$ in debt and i'm not even 30. im poor because basically i just eat overpriced food and park in the wrong spots because i used to have a delivery job. the sticker on my car is 3 years old because i can't pay the tickets. i bought a 3000$ ring for a girl that eventually cheated on me and kept prostituting for crack cocaine. i bought a bunch of musical instruments that i can't even play because there's no room for any of it in this room.

i am lucky in that i know if i just work hard, i can get through life. i have faith but honestly idk. living as a man who hates his mother weighs on you so heavily. i'm just retarded i guess is the reason, and i was born this way. my family is so cruel to me. i'm gaslit every time i see them. i fucking hate them all.

i still don't think these are good enough reasons. i'm gonna work hard and try not to die because i'm scared of what awaits me on the other side. but honestly if i fail then i fail and i will do what i need to do so i don't freeze to death. that's it. i am just trying to avoid homelessness. i am having to give up my car, which i love and don't want to give up but i am a delinquent who doesn't pay his bills because i planned suicide and then didn't follow through.

if you want the cliff notes
- family sucks and hates me
- financially irresponsible
- too sensitive
- mentally ill
- the repercussions of being mentally ill
- poor, facing homelessness
- this city sucks
- this country is cold
- people are mean and i don't fit in anywhere
- no friends

i wish i didn't need to eat. im so hungry right now and i'm tempted to spend 50$ on a small meal because i dont have any pots or pans right now, and am so tired from working, when i absolutely know this is going to seriously bite me in the ass in about 2 weeks when i completely run out of money. i feel extremely irresponsible just because i don't know how to say no to any sort of temptation when i am stressed/depressed. i suppose it is better than a person who buys drugs to cope. it is just as expensive. i am also scared of universe/spirits/etc even writing this down. god please don't make it all come true just because i said it. ffs. my view of spirituality is also intensely maladaptive sometimes so add that to the list. and i used to spread it like wildfire. i think that's why my family hates me. i used to run an online cult in my early 20s and i tried to make my family join it. i think the pandemic weighed on me in a way that was different than other people. it was hellworld for everybody but i really felt like something dark, evil and demonic was going on in whatever the fuck that was and it scared me. i used to suffer severe nightmare disorder. i think i did live an okay life. like in my eyes it was great but i know in literally every single other person's view who knows me, it's extremely sad and pathetic.

anyways, i crossed off everything off my bucket list. that's another reason i used to want to die. i did everything i wanted to do and i don't have any children (thank god, since i wouldn't have money to support them). i am staying alive in hope that one day it will get better. i want to play the game of life. i'm just very bad at it.

 

[usernamesarehard]

I've talked about it a lot here. But depression mainly. Recently I went through a break up and that got rid of any fear I had around dying. But yeah, I don't blame my ex or the break up. I just got fucked in the genetic lottery.

 

[Michelstaedter]

I'm tired of living... And life hurts a lot.

 

[Namelesa]

Cus life feels empty and repetitive without someone loving me but if I am in a relationship I am terrified of doing something wrong and them leaving me. I would rather die and not risk suffering at all in life but I am forced to live cus of lack of methods. Also suffer from intense guilt about past actions.

 

[LetMeOut67]

I've got nothing and no one to live for
Seen enough (born 1967)
Think the 21st century is spectacularly horrible on every single level and definitely not a particularly great time to be alive
Physically declining
I don't see it as a big deal if someone chooses not to participate in something they didn't ask to be involved in

 

[inthesky123]

I'm really tired of being around stupid people. I get that everybody goes through stuff but when I just hear grown adults whine and complain about everything without doing anything about it I start realizing how stupid people can be. Even more tiring is seeing people support the situation almost selectively depending on the person. I've been in similar situations as a kid growing up but once your an adult excuses people would use like "you have no idea just wait till your an adult" seem like complete and utter bs. I've never had support from either of my parents through the hardest situations and they're just more antagonizing and negative than good. I have nothing to live for and as Im writing this I don't even see any sense of accomplishment in the goals I have set for myself. We all die anyways so its worth the extra pain to speed it up a little bit. I'm not planning to work 44+ years until I'm at least 70 like a slave just to die in debt.

 

[CloudChaser]

Empty future ahead. Crushed by the system and only a few people which i care.
But is very lonely. Days seems twice as long then years ago. Future = gone, so that's my burden.
I live now and in the past.


*I am breathing so i must be alive, but no life*

 

[BlackLotus]

…Because I'm sad.

Unbearably, agonizingly sad.

I have been for a very long time. Struggling with treatment-resistant depression since my late teens. Sadness has been an absolute constant in my life.

Then my Dad died. 7 years ago on Father's day. I laugh now when I think back on the years before his death. I THOUGHT I knew what despair was, but his passing shattered my entire notion of pain. I'd never experienced such agony…..and now it lives in me, daily, crippling any chance of a "normal" life.

Suicide has always been a comforting notion for me. I know, at least, there is an end to this suffering…

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I have multiple reasons. For one, I'm all alone. And that's literal. Lost all my family over the last 5 years - mother, sister, multiple cousins - with my mother being the last to pass. Had a very small family and I'm the last one remaining. Second reason is I have no friends. So, when I say I'm alone, again, that is literal. I'm not married, haven't any gfs, and I have no children. Not the best place to be in life and I want no part of it.

Third reason is not looking forward to aging and want no part of that, either, especially when I'm all alone. That's not a good place to be with no support whatsoever. I don't want to have to deal with the miserable diseases, and the like, that come with aging. I'm 59 now, and the horror movie ending for me is ending up in a nursing facility somewhere, with no family or friend support, needing to have my ass wiped by someone, and the dribble removed from my chin after having been spoon fed by some aide. No. Not what I want. Hopefully, I get the hell out of here before something bad, like a heart attack, or stroke, turns my worst fears into a reality.

A forth reason is that at 59, I can no longer, realistically, pursue that which would bring me happiness. Take out of that what you will, but that ship has sailed quite some time ago and I just missed the boat.

 

[Emerita]

Addiction
Health issues
Sexual dysfunction
CSA + PTSD because of that
Shame, guilt, grief, and loneliness
Prolonged and severe social isolation
High school dropout no future
Mental health/ brain damage
Poverty and depression
To lazy for society
Again health
AVPD

Probably some subconscious reasons too…
Why, because an underlying need for relief and peace.

 

[DTA]

Most of my family is dead.
My body is in constant pain.
My faith was based on lies.
My country is based on lies.
I'm incapable of ever trusting a woman again.
The world around me is dying.
Wars and rumors of wars.
I've checked off almost everything on my bucket list.
I'm poor as shit thanks to the government.

I could overcome all the above, but on federal supervised release I'm legally forbidden from ever building a good life again.
That's my main reason now.

 

[purplesky9]

I am going to be fired any day now. I have no references because two of the last jobs I have had I left on bad terms so I'm not going to be able to get another job.I'm probably not going to qualify for a benefit so I'm going to have no money for the rest of my life. I'm not going to be able to support myself so I'm going to have to rely on my parents. I've ruined my own life because I've made silly decisions.

 

[darksouls]

my health is very poor
I have chronic physical pain
which often drives me to despair
I will be forced to ctb if my health worsens
I dont know when that will happen

 

[tpboy]

I'm disabled and in physical and mental pain every day. I'm on disability and doomed to live in deep poverty for the rest of my life.

i saw a show on YouTube about how little they give folks on disability in Canada. It's not fair.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

i saw a show on YouTube about how little they give folks on disability in Canada. It's not fair.

It varies between provinces and you get extra if you have a kid and shit. As a single adult in BC, I get about $15,000/year.

 

[NonEssential]

I'm filled with despair and hopelessness towards my future, so much so that I need an escape plan so I can leave once shit hits the fan so to speak.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I'm unlovable and not worth any help.

 

[sambrosia]

My brain is just fundamentally broken. I've been suicidal since I was a kid, been an everlasting fight. My BPD means I wreck relationships and cause drama, including getting some court cases recently. I feel I don't know how to do anything but hurt myself and others, sometimes, and I don't want to live that way. The world seems better without me in it.

I did some really permanent-feeling damage to my life during my most recent mental breakdown last year, too, and that's left me pretty despondent. Plus I'm older now and not getting better. I'm in for a life of poverty and being treated like an outcast and crazy person. I'll never be someone respectable or accomplished or happy. Never have a partner, a family, a career. What's the point. I fucked it all up.

 

[idk3]

I'll never be near the top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and have a twin sibling who effortlessly is.

 

[Alexandra0]

Because my birth was a terrible, monstrous, fatal mistake. I paid a very high price for it. And now it's time to finally fix it!

 

[falseNightingale]

I realized that there is no true salvation for me.
The world is full of overgrown kids who refuse to break out of their cycles and actually think about what matters.
I would really, really love to exist in the world and find a purpose but I only ever managed to fail at that.

I am too tired to fail anymore

 

[FuneralCry]

For me non-existence is all that's positive and desirable, I see existence as an abomination that just causes harm and suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured and I'd just always prefer to not exist than suffer so unnecessarily no matter what.

Only non-existence can bring me the peace I search for from this existence I always saw as a mistake which is why I suffer so much from how I cannot just have a peaceful death like falling into an eternal dreamless sleep, I find it so terrifying how there is no limit as to how much a human can suffer in this existence and I'd just never wish for the suffering of existing. I'd never wish to be conscious of anything at all and the thought of suffering in this existence for much longer just to die in agony from old age is unbearable to me, I'll just always see it as so undesirable to exist, to me existence just feels like a terrible tragic mistake that just causes harm and suffering and I always wish I never suffered, for me existence is the problem which is why I find it so horrific how we exist in this anti-suicide world where the suffering and torture of existing is seen as to force and prolong no matter what.

 

[road2joy]

I'll never be near the top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and have a twin sibling who effortlessly is.

I like Maslow's Hierachy of Needs but it's outdated. I am trying to make a new one that is easier to achieve and still leads to self-actualization. I suppose both can be used in tandem with eachother.

 

[gameoverman]

I want to CTB because antidepressants destroyed my brain and nervous system and gave me a truly terrible condition known as post SSRI sexual dysfunction. Every day since this started is pure agony,severe anhedonia,emotional blunting and insomnia. It's simply too much for me to handle.

 

[WantingtoLeave]

Because I greened out four months ago and now I am afraid of getting DP/DR.

 

[misanthropemurder]

because the world is cruel. not just to me of course, to every being that has had the displeasure of walking this earth. in my eyes, i have two options here, in both of which i end up dead.

option one is simple, kill myself. i would jump in front of a train, hopefully dying instantly.

option two is a lot more complicated. because if i do continue to live; i would want to kill the people that have caused me, or others, pain.