I'm in my mid 30's, never married, no kids, all of my friends have moved away, moved on, banished me, drifted apart, grown up, etc. I endured a devastating break up almost 5 months ago, haven't stayed in contact with her but I know she's found someone much better than me as far as the market goes. All I've been doing with my life is paying off debt which keeps me trapped from going out to socialize and dawdling in my empty home. I'm uncontrollably and constantly thinking about my ex and her new partner, like, I beg and shout at myself to stop thinking about it, a constant flow of a scarcity mindset, abandonment, and self hatred all of my life hasn't helped. I have actively tried to do as much as I can to improve (therapy, antidepressants, daily sunshine and walks, lifting and running at least a mile a day at the gym, self help books, finding hobbies, what have you.) and I still continue to do so until my determined expiration date. I miss having friendships and relationships, it all I valued in life. Now I feel as though I am being tested with this situational solitude, and I'm not passing that test. For some reason CTB seems to be the viable solution to stop my days of literal sobbing and mental self torture.