Discussion Why are you afraid to ctb?

[moondazed]

i've failed and i've paid for it. i took a ton of benzos and drank. blacked out for 3 days walking circles in my apartment while my roommates made a game of it, shooting me with nerf guns. my brain was pretty broken for a few years after, and i made it worse with drugs. then i tried crawling out of it and started community college. then got a degree in STEM and landed a decent job.

i still live with all the pain i had when i was 20. i also have the guilt of my parents' reactions after. i felt like a bad person. sometimes i joke and say i'm living the hell i deserve because of what i did. i wouldnt feel this way if i CTBd succesfully over a decade ago.

im still lonely and sad af, but if i do have anything, its my job and my pets. i guess thats really what keeps me going. sometimes its just a coffee. the winter is the worst.

I would say religious consequences, the physical pain in the act, and then like most people have already said - failing an attempt. If I attempt I need it to be successful.

i think the religious consequences is a heavy one that isn't spoken on much. a lot of us have been told since we were children that suicide is a sin akin to murder, and thats not something you can easily wrestle out of your psyche. we just want to be good people, and not be a burden, but this belief makes us feel worse. its incredibly difficult to grapple

 

[DarkRange55]

I've failed at seemingly every other mundane thing in my life, I can't imagine I would succeed at suicide upon the first try.

My body also seems to have a very high tolerance for substances.

I could imagine trying to ingest SN and still somehow waking up the next day.

Bottom line, I'm more afraid of surviving an attempt with horrible side effects than I am of actually dying, even though I don't believe there's any peace in death, either.

Just curious on why/wdym there is no peace in death?

 

[Orbitc]

I would say religious consequences, the physical pain in the act, and then like most people have already said - failing an attempt. If I attempt I need it to be successful.

All gods were invented by people to manipulate other people. Personally, I don't give a damn about the opinion of god who gave me such a terrible life, but gave someone other a happy life in a rich family with loving parents - I'll spit in his face if this piece of shit exists.

 

[Decayed]

i'm terrified of failing i know first hand what happens when you do fail and i never want to go through that (hospitalisation) again

 

[nood11]

I'm afraid of three things mainly. My method is gun to the head.
1. What will it be like to die of a gunshot to the head?
2. Will I fail and be a vegetable?
3. Will I go into endless conscious torment in the afterlife?
These are not my only fears, but they are the main ones. It's very hard to actually do it. I've been thinking about it for years.

 

[iamsofkntired]

What do you hope for after your death?

Your own personal heaven or maybe level 2 or another life where people don't die , I just want to meet the people i lost anything with them

 

[inanotherlife]

I'm afraid of three things mainly. My method is gun to the head.
1. What will it be like to die of a gunshot to the head?
2. Will I fail and be a vegetable?
3. Will I go into endless conscious torment in the afterlife?
These are not my only fears, but they are the main ones. It's very hard to actually do it. I've been thinking about it for years.

have u considered doing it by water so u will drown if the gun didn't work?

 

[Brown-Jacket Revy]

Just curious on why/wdym there is no peace in death?

Personally, I believe we exist in a reincarnation soul trap, and that when we die, we are accosted by entities who attempt to persuade and lure us into a new incarnation.

We are also mind-wiped during this process so that we can't remember being reincarnated in the first place.

I know plenty of people are hostile to this theory, so I'll reiterate it's just my belief.

 

[DarkRange55]

Personally, I believe we exist in a reincarnation soul trap, and that when we die, we are accosted by entities who attempt to persuade and lure us into a new incarnation.

We are also mind-wiped during this process so that we can't remember being reincarnated in the first place.

I know plenty of people are hostile to this theory, so I'll reiterate it's just my belief.

Oh, wow that's interesting and kind of a unique take. Do you mind if I ask why you believe that?

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

I'm mostly afraid of being found. I wouldn't mind pain at all so that is not a concern. Failure is a concern too meaning that I could disable myself and not be able to attempt suicide again afterwards.

 

[Brown-Jacket Revy]

Oh, wow that's interesting and kind of a unique take. Do you mind if I ask why you believe that?

It's hard to explain - maybe it's my susceptibility to believing outlandish things, or maybe I was just looking for an exit from Abrahamic religion, but it resonated with me.

Reincarnation always made more sense to me than believing in a heaven or hell, or just nothing at all. I always kind of believed in a spiritual world.

David Icke is sort of a famous guy who pushes this "prison planet" theory, and there is a good Youtube channel that publishes a lot of content about it:

https://www.youtube.com/@SargeantSchultz

A lot of the videos are filled with clips taken from various channels, so they are a bit out of context and can be confusing if you don't have the frame of reference.

But the gist is that, we are imprisoned here in a false/possibly simulated reality, and need to escape after death and find the real world, I guess.

 

[hibikikyuxx]

I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of failing my attempt and having to live with the consequences for the rest of my life. Survival Instinct also makes it very hard.

 

[Luchi]

I was doing more research on a method that I think is the best to ctb, but suddenly I was overcome with fear and a sense of anxiety. I am afraid of failing ctb and the feeling of my life fading away, specially this last one. I am also afraid of my family and their reaction when they find my dead body.
I have always repressed my feelings and problems, my family knows about my mental health issues due to a failed suicide attempt and a psychiatric hospitalization a long time ago (I don't want to delve into this topic), but I have never told them how depressed I really feel. I have SI almost every day.
However, to friends, colleagues and family, I'm totally fine now, but I'm not, I'm too good to keep that from their knowledge because I don't want to be hospitalized and judge. But now I feel a terrible fear of dying, the trauma I may cause to those I care about, and last but not least, I am afraid of failing again.
I would like to discuss about this, are you afraid to ctb because of this reasons?

I have deep religious trauma and even though I have mostly moved on from religion, there is a part of me that is terrified of what will happen to me when I die. I hate it. I think a fear of failing is also extremely valid and something I've thought about. The consequences of that and how it would impact everything.... It's scary. Just having to deal with how people would see you after it's a strange thing to be suicidal and afraid. It's a weird kind of limbo

 

[bigdipper420]

My SI is very strong and any kind of failed attempt will have me traumatized

 

[fadedroses]

i'm afraid to ctb because i dont know what happens next or just a fear of there being nothing next. I'm afraid of people i know moving on without knowing how they are doing. I want to leave this life and just start over even though i know its not possible. i wish i could fix things in the past that made my life miserable now, im afraid of people's reaction to me committing suicide even though i would be dead and i suffered with suicidal ideation so long im in denial it will just go away eventually, living life like an emotionless zombie trying to function in this hell of society trying not to fall apart.

 

[Darkover]

i am afraid of methods like sn and failling wish i had N other than that not afriad