Venting Why are people so ungrateful?

[kilowatt]

I like to think I'm a really kind person, especially when it comes to getting gifts for my friends. Either I'll buy or make you something by myself I'll always put a lot of thought and effort into it to try and please the person as much as I can. I really try my best with my loved ones. It's one of my main love languages.
Today I spent a really long time making a drawing for my friend and his boyfriend. I know it's a little stupid, and I may not be the best of the best when it comes to artists, but I really spent almost half my day making it and in the end was really proud of it just to get a ''Why does it look like that? Can you change that part?''. I may be just dramatic but that kind of hurt as I was really excited to show it to them and tried my best to finish it within a day. I did end up changing it for them but it ruined my entire mood, and they were still not quite happy.
This overall thought makes me really uneasy because I plan to split and gift away my belongings to the people I know, I'll also, of course, spend my savings on cute gifts my friends will remember me for after I CTB, but I can't see the bright side of that when I know they could simply not like it or make fun of me for doing such gesture. I just wish people appreciated the small things like I do.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

Lack of emotional intelligence I guess. I'm very blunt when it comes to these things but I will always say that I appreciate the effort. If someone made something for me and it was a bit shoddy I'd still very much appreciate it on the basis of sentimental value.

 

[Dara Argith]

People often never cherish someone until they're gone.

 

[kilowatt]

Lack of emotional intelligence I guess. I'm very blunt when it comes to these things but I will always say that I appreciate the effort. If someone made something for me and it was a bit shoddy I'd still very much appreciate it on the basis of sentimental value.

I probably shouldn't expect people to think the exact same way I do (I really appreciate small gestures because I don't encounter them too often) but yeah, I sometimes think at least the thought matters if not the rest of it.

 

[Lynx.]

Today I spent a really long time making a drawing for my friend and his boyfriend. I know it's a little stupid, and I may not be the best of the best when it comes to artists, but I really spent almost half my day making it and in the end was really proud of it just to get a ''Why does it look like that? Can you change that part?''. I may be just dramatic but that kind of hurt as I was really excited to show it to them and tried my best to finish it within a day.

It's not stupid - the way they replied to a gift that you made with care and effort is plainly rude: it is a gift, not a commission - gifts are meant to be treasured, especially if the other person dedicated time and effort into it.

At the end of the day, it's the downside of being human: most of the time, you can't really expect appreciation or acts of kindness without sometimes being met with ungrateful behaviours. It could also be lack of social awareness, as others pointed out already...

That said, it is no reason to not show kindness and give gifts, and show love and appreciation anyways. You are caring and you dedicated time and effort into doing something for others - that in itself is really amazing, even though it ended in disappointment...

Take care ♥

 

[Foreverix]

I can't help but wonder if the fact that you spent time and effort making them a gift made them uncomfortable due to their own insecurities? Perhaps reacting with criticism could be a defense mechanism, rather than actually being vulnerable, accepting the gift, and accepting that you're showing them directly that they mean something to you?

I don't say this to justify their behavior. It is rude. But I've been the dick that has been critical of a friend's artwork as a gift before. Gestures like that immediately show me that the other is making themself vulnerable, and it threatens me with vulnerability that I have always been deeply afraid to show. Becoming critical is a way to shut that down, or mitigate the position the receiver feels put in.

You're not being dramatic. You're being open, brave, and willing to share pieces of yourself with those you care about. Few people have that courage. I think it's less likely they're just being an ungrateful jerk. Rather, they're deeply, deeply uncomfortable showing affection and acceptance.

Your strength brought out their weakness.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm not even surprised that people are acting in such a way and I understand why you'd feel so disappointed, to me it sounds like those people aren't worth making an effort for.

 

[hellispink]

We are the one that choose who we give our time to. Most people don't appreciate things. So instead of thinking whys, its a matter of why do i keep these people around or in my life. Its a matter of communication, hey i dont like that you did this when i gifted you this etc. Sometimes we think one thing or perceive something and we just plain wrong. Also when i gift things to others my time help etc i dont expect them to be grateful to me. They dont owe me absolutely anything. If they use me or hurt my feelings i simply walk away, zero fuss . Thats why its called boundaries.