Why are male adult virgins looked down on by just about everyone in society?

[CatLvr]

I know that I was ready for an "adult" life, when I was a "child"

I hate to be the one to tell you this but the immaturity you have exhibited in this thread alone tells me that you are still a "child'. People who mature and grow learn that words mean something and how you string them together, along with context and inflection, matters.

It is unfortunate just how many "adults" in this world do not understand that basic tenet of maturity.

 

[noname223]

I think the truth is most people don't care whether you are virgin or not.

I think men are way more obsessed by it than women. Many men also idealize female virgins which seems irrational and absurd to me.

 

[AdultVirgin]

I hate to be the one to tell you this but the immaturity you have exhibited in this thread alone tells me that you are still a "child'. People who mature and grow learn that words mean something and how you string them together, along with context and inflection, matters.

It is unfortunate just how many "adults" in this world do not understand that basic tenet of maturity.

i'm in my 20s lol

that's not a child

but I was more ready for "mature" things when I was a chronological child than i am now

I haven't really had the developmental relationship experience that most people my age have had

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Sigh...here I am, doing what I do best: Getting involved in drama that ultimately will ruin my day.

But I feel I should speak. I'm a adult virgin man, and I have social issues. While I wasn't outright called out for being a virgin, there was some form of pressure in all kinds of media around me that pointed to the "virgins are losers" stereotype. Now I'm older and it doesn't hit me anymore, but it did a lot when I was younger.

I think about sex, about how it should feel, and when I was younger in my 20s I was a lot hornier, and a hell of a lot less patient! After some years, I came to realize that I still want sex, but sex with feelings, and my social skills are just not up to the challenge.

So while the dream lives on, I'm more accustomed with the fact I won't ever have sex or someone with feelings for me. I've pretty much set up a little "Dreamland" inside my head where I can immerse myself in my fantasies, sexual or not, and that has put me farther from that dream because I'm just going farther and farther away from reality.

All that said, if I did ever look for a lover again, I think i would look for someone that is more into cuddles than sex. I still would want sex, but I would be more patient about it, and would put feelings and non-sex-intimacy first, and if sex comes, I want it to be some kind of connection that also makes both me and my partner feel more connected, not the other way around.

 

[CatLvr]

Sigh...here I am, doing what I do best: Getting involved in drama that ultimately will ruin my day.

But I feel I should speak. I'm a adult virgin man, and I have social issues. While I wasn't outright called out for being a virgin, there was some form of pressure in all kinds of media around me that pointed to the "virgins are losers" stereotype. Now I'm older and it doesn't hit me anymore, but it did a lot when I was younger.

I think about sex, about how it should feel, and when I was younger in my 20s I was a lot hornier, and a hell of a lot less patient! After some years, I came to realize that I still want sex, but sex with feelings, and my social skills are just not up to the challenge.

So while the dream lives on, I'm more accustomed with the fact I won't ever have sex or someone with feelings for me. I've pretty much set up a little "Dreamland" inside my head where I can immerse myself in my fantasies, sexual or not, and that has put me farther from that dream because I'm just going farther and farther away from reality.

All that said, if I did ever look for a lover again, I think i would look for someone that is more into cuddles than sex. I still would want sex, but I would be more patient about it, and would put feelings and non-sex-intimacy first, and if sex comes, I want it to be some kind of connection that also makes both me and my partner feel more connected, not the other way around.

Please do not let this thread ruin your day.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Please do not let this thread ruin your day.

Honestly, It didn't...so far. I just wanted to tell my story because I'm an egotist I feel I need to contribute.

 

[CatLvr]

Honestly, It didn't...so far. I just wanted to tell my story because I'm an egotist I feel I need to contribute.

Well, Larry (my new red conure. He's sitting on my thumb trying to nibble on my tattoos lol) and I appreciate your contribution. I understand the problems that come with being a guy who is sensitive and has a moral compass. My son is like you. He really thought he was gonna wind up spending his life alone. But he met an absolutely beautiful lady and now he is really is happy. He would be the first to tell you neither of them are model material, but they are both good human beings. I didn't meet and marry my husband until I was in my 40s. Before that I had been single for nearly 20 years -- Since my first marriage had fallen apart. (That lasted less than a year.) You just never know ...

i'm in my 20s lol

that's not a child

but I was more ready for "mature" things when I was a chronological child than i am now

I haven't really had the developmental relationship experience that most people my age have had

Lol, you are a mess. But I'll bite -- what "mature" things were you "more ready" for when you were a child than you are now?

 

[AdultVirgin]

Lol, you are a mess. But I'll bite -- what "mature" things were you "more ready" for when you were a child than you are now?

Sex with an adult woman

Also a wife, adult friends, a career, no school, alcohol, generally being taken seriously

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Well, Larry (my new red conure. He's sitting on my thumb trying to nibble on my tattoos lol) and I appreciate your contribution. I understand the problems that come with being a guy who is sensitive and has a moral compass. My son is like you. He really thought he was gonna wind up spending his life alone. But he met an absolutely beautiful lady and now he is really is happy. He would be the first to tell you neither of them are model material, but they are both good human beings. I didn't meet and marry my husband until I was in my 40s. Before that I had been single for nearly 20 years -- Since my first marriage had fallen apart. (That lasted less than a year.) You just never know ...

That was heartwarming and made me feel a bit of hope. Thanks. I don't expect things to happen, but I do wish they would. I'm more of a passive person, so I don't go after people to have friends and relationships, preferring to let things happen naturally. I was quite rushy in my 20s and maybe that was because hormones, but now I feel more settled.

The fantasy world is my escape, but I do not scratch out the possibility of someone special dropping on me someday. I'll be happy to try, at least!

 

[WhiteRabbit]

The only thing i'd condemn you for is rejecting a guy for being shorter than you

Many women seem to do that, which is one of the reasons they say women are primitive and simple

So men are allowed to have preferences, but women are "primitive and simple"?

I haven't really had the developmental relationship experience that most people my age have had

Shocker

 

[Rynalia]

Sex with an adult woman

Also a wife, adult friends, a career, no school, alcohol, generally being taken seriously

Okay, ain't no way a child is ready for any of those at any point, full stop.

...And being taken seriously is contingent on acting in a manner that respects the other person enough that they're inclined to respect you back.

 

[AdultVirgin]

Okay, ain't no way a child is ready for any of those at any point, full stop.

...And being taken seriously is contingent on acting in a manner that respects the other person enough that they're inclined to respect you back.

How can you speak for everyone who was born less than 18 years ago better than any of them can speak for themselves?

 

[Rynalia]

How can you speak for everyone who was born less than 18 years ago better than any of them can speak for themselves?

>sex with adult woman (as a child)
I really hope I don't have to explain this one.

>a wife
Age restrictions have been revised upwards throughout history for a reason.

>adult friends
This one is fine actually, move along.

>a career
Knowledge gap & skillset required to meet performance metrics and create profit. Unless you were some sort of prodigy, don't kid yourself.

>alcohol
Developing body; we already see how damaging it is to adults, let's not fool ourselves here.

 

[CatLvr]

Sex with an adult woman

Also a wife, adult friends, a career, no school, alcohol, generally being taken seriously

How can you speak for everyone who was born less than 18 years ago better than any of them can speak for themselves?

Dude. You are delusional.

 

[vitbar]

Who doesn't feel they are mature before they really are? When I see young people and think back to how I was then it makes me laugh.

 

[AdultVirgin]

>sex with adult woman (as a child)
I really hope I don't have to explain this one.

>a wife
Age restrictions have been revised upwards throughout history for a reason.

>adult friends
This one is fine actually, move along.

>a career
Knowledge gap & skillset required to meet performance metrics and create profit. Unless you were some sort of prodigy, don't kid yourself.

>alcohol
Developing body; we already see how damaging it is to adults, let's not fool ourselves here.

My sexual needs were at their peak from 14 to 16

An adult woman who allowed me to have sex with her would've saved my life

While not completely ready for a career, it would certainly have been better than school, and it would've given me an income, which I didn't have at all

I certainly could've drank light beer as an adolescent, though spirits would probably be a bit dangerous

 

[Rynalia]

My sexual needs were at their peak from 14 to 16

An adult woman who allowed me to have sex with her would've saved my life

This here is entering the realm of fantasy so I'm not going to continue on this one.

While not completely ready for a career, it would certainly have been better than school, and it would've given me an income, which I didn't have at all

I'll concede on this one provided that you are not breaking any child labor laws. I believe a job is a great way for younger individuals to learn the value of money, have some pocket money, learn more about dealing with troublesome individuals that won't see eye to eye, and learn how to network (and by extension navigating around the dirty, dirty world of workplace politics).

However, I don't think it outright replaces schooling for younger individuals (outside of niche cases). You need to socialize to learn social skills. It doesn't appear magically.

I certainly could've drank light beer as an adolescent, though spirits would probably be a bit dangerous

. <---- The point

<You>

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

My sexual needs were at their peak from 14 to 16

An adult woman who allowed me to have sex with her would've saved my life

While not completely ready for a career, it would certainly have been better than school, and it would've given me an income, which I didn't have at all

I certainly could've drank light beer as an adolescent, though spirits would probably be a bit dangerous

"An adult woman who allowed me to have sex with her would've saved my life"

Trust me, it would probably do the opposite.

Maybe you are at a phase where it starts to get frustrating how every idea that was sold to you in the past is distorted by reality. I get that, and honestly I wouldn't be able to change your mind, but time will. Things seem easier when we're younger because we do not see the full extent of them or understand the connotations or consequences. When we age, we start to get that and all that fantasyland that was build by earlier us gets wrecked.

It's shit, it sucks, and I wish it didn't need to happen, but for most people, it does. It takes time and patience to rebuild everything for the adult you, so don't rush it, just accept it and move on. I'm sure everyone here will try to help.

 

[Dejected 55]

My sexual needs were at their peak from 14 to 16

An adult woman who allowed me to have sex with her would've saved my life

While not completely ready for a career, it would certainly have been better than school, and it would've given me an income, which I didn't have at all

I certainly could've drank light beer as an adolescent, though spirits would probably be a bit dangerous

I had my first job when I was 16. So, I mean, that is a thing you could have had. It's actually a lot easier for kids to get jobs because there are a lot of jobs out there that require next to no experience or skills up front, but they don't pay crap. You couldn't be ready for a real job that required years of experience you couldn't have had at that age nor would anyone pay you at that age even if you could do such work. The world just isn't built that way at that age even, sadly, for those older teens that actually are on the streets and need to support themselves like an adult.

Forget the adult-woman-when-you-were-a-teen thing. I've related elsewhere about a middle school teacher that I think might have been hitting on me when I was in her class. I knew at that age how wrong that was. Even as a boy with raging hormones that is attracted to girls and likes seeing nudity in a movie or sneaking a look at a nudie magazine back in the day, most boys at that age know they aren't ready for it and especially not with an adult. A handful of boys probably think they are ready... but IF it had happened, you'd definitely have more issues to deal with than you are considering. Adult and young teen isn't just wrong because it is taboo in our culture, it's because adults should know better even when the teen doesn't and it could wreck that kid's development in ways you wouldn't even imagine.

I knew kids who drank beer when I was 16. They were not happy. Even the ones who seemed happy, many years later as adults I've heard far too many of them say they were not ready for the experiences and the alcohol they had in their youth.

 

[AdultVirgin]

So men are allowed to have preferences, but women are "primitive and simple"?

men don't seem to discriminate against women based on height though

that's really stupid & primitive

I think the truth is most people don't care whether you are virgin or not.

I think men are way more obsessed by it than women. Many men also idealize female virgins which seems irrational and absurd to me.

what's wrong with idealizing female virgins?

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

men don't seem to discriminate against women based on height though

that's really stupid & primitive


what's wrong with idealizing female virgins?

It's best to accept people as they are, and I know some people like to prop up a persona to impress or manipulate, but don't do that either, just be yourself. The more people just show themselves as they are, the more acceptable it will be to be who you are.

That said, even though I don't know you, knowing you're on your 20s, it is a rough time where you have to learn that the real world is indeed a place where one's standards often don't apply. There is a reason an Utopia is both an idealized version on society and a fantasy, because Ideals are meant to be unachievable, an infinity where we can approach, but never touch.

Idealizing real people in general tends to end in disappointment and disillusionment. If you want to fantasize an ideal inside your head's fantasyland, feel free to, it's yours, but projecting these things on reality is not healthy for you or for anyone you interact with. Even though there are a lot of things I don't agree with you, and you conflict with many of my own ideals, nonetheless I accept that you are an individual and you have your own reasons to be who you are. That is what being mature means to me, and I hope you can understand that.

 

[AdultVirgin]

I had my first job when I was 16. So, I mean, that is a thing you could have had. It's actually a lot easier for kids to get jobs because there are a lot of jobs out there that require next to no experience or skills up front, but they don't pay crap. You couldn't be ready for a real job that required years of experience you couldn't have had at that age nor would anyone pay you at that age even if you could do such work. The world just isn't built that way at that age even, sadly, for those older teens that actually are on the streets and need to support themselves like an adult.

Forget the adult-woman-when-you-were-a-teen thing. I've related elsewhere about a middle school teacher that I think might have been hitting on me when I was in her class. I knew at that age how wrong that was. Even as a boy with raging hormones that is attracted to girls and likes seeing nudity in a movie or sneaking a look at a nudie magazine back in the day, most boys at that age know they aren't ready for it and especially not with an adult. A handful of boys probably think they are ready... but IF it had happened, you'd definitely have more issues to deal with than you are considering. Adult and young teen isn't just wrong because it is taboo in our culture, it's because adults should know better even when the teen doesn't and it could wreck that kid's development in ways you wouldn't even imagine.

I knew kids who drank beer when I was 16. They were not happy. Even the ones who seemed happy, many years later as adults I've heard far too many of them say they were not ready for the experiences and the alcohol they had in their youth.

The normal experiences of school probably wreck a kid's development more than a woman hitting on them

 

[AdultVirgin]

It's best to accept people as they are, and I know some people like to prop up a persona to impress or manipulate, but don't do that either, just be yourself. The more people just show themselves as they are, the more acceptable it will be to be who you are.

That said, even though I don't know you, knowing you're on your 20s, it is a rough time where you have to learn that the real world is indeed a place where one's standards often don't apply. There is a reason an Utopia is both an idealized version on society and a fantasy, because Ideals are meant to be unachievable, an infinity where we can approach, but never touch.

Idealizing real people in general tends to end in disappointment and disillusionment. If you want to fantasize an ideal inside your head's fantasyland, feel free to, it's yours, but projecting these things on reality is not healthy for you or for anyone you interact with. Even though there are a lot of things I don't agree with you, and you conflict with many of my own ideals, nonetheless I accept that you are an individual and you have your own reasons to be who you are. That is what being mature means to me, and I hope you can understand that.

its probably quite different for bears than humans

 

[RoseGirl]

t~t
this thread probably needs to be locked. It's getting super unproductive and baity

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

its probably quite different for bears than humans

Honestly, if you really think I'm a bear, then you are really not as mature as you claim to be...either that or you are mature and is suffering from delusion or another mental condition. Unless you explain some actual rationale for your actions and thoughts, I can only assume that, or trolling, after all you've shared with us.

I wouldn't like someone assuming I was a troll, but then again, I wouldn't say what you said. (Maybe on a paranoia crisis, but a crisis usually lasts an hour or so. You've been going for days man...)

I hope you get better. *hugs*

 

[AdultVirgin]

t~t
this thread probably needs to be locked. It's getting super unproductive and baity

Unfortunately for you, there is such thing as freedom!