I feel ya there. It's considered common to be hesitant when desperately wanting to ctb. We are so used to being alive, it makes us become reluctant to cease our existence. I hope this helps.
Yeah, conflicting and changing thoughts and emotions, in tension and interacting with one another, all together trying to find some sort of mental balance, some resolution. It can take some time to really think things through and even then...
Thank you guys for all responding. I definitely relate to wanting to see the way my interests will play out(my favorite shows and cool things). I also sometimes feel like maybe I shouldn’t give up, but at the same time I know it won’t matter if I try anyways. Idk...
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