Why am I so angry?

[Renv1o_]

I'm starting to pull away from everyone again- I'm angry at myself. I'm repulsed by my body and angry at how stupid and pointless everything feels. I can't draw, I cant laugh with others, I can't celebrate with people without feeling bitter. I know I'm wrong for it, but all I do is envy those around me for connecting so easily. I'm angry that I'm alone and that I'll never feel truly loved. I'm angry that I only have myself to blame for feeling this way. I'm angry that there's no winning for me. I can't die, I can't live. There's no winning. I hate this limbo, I hate myself. I'm scared that I'm starting to care less and less about how my self harm and low mood hurts others.

I've become so bitter and it only makes me hate myself more and more. What's the point in anything at all.

 

[uchuunekoko]

It's like being an embodiment of the abyss. The longer you go on without "getting help"—as I've been told a million times—the deeper you sink. Being so alone and unable to feel happiness leads you to become trapped in your own mind. Maybe I'm being too pessimistic, but I think there's a very clear 'point of no return,' in which you accept the only version of yourself that feels 'comfortable.' And that version, in these cases, is almost always the worst one. Being an abyss means you end up hurting people / dragging them down without knowing it. Unless that's your intent, you're forced to remain alone. Caring for others is nearly impossible when you're on the brink of mental collapse; I wouldn't blame anyone for being unable to properly care if they were going through absolute hell

 

[GoSan1]

It's normal to be angry, especially when sent into this world and suffering through all such things without any justification on why. Not being able to change anything about it and becoming a slave to this life does not make things easier. In the history of existence, people kept on repeating how loneliness destroys people, and even in religion god created a partner for humans because it was lonely.

Maybe I'm being too pessimistic, but I think there's a very clear 'point of no return,' in which you accept the only version of yourself that feels 'comfortable.'

I don't think it is something about comfort, but I do agree that there might be a "point of no return" in which the person simply gives up on it and accepts that he cant be loved. At least that's what state I am in right now, but even with such a mindset, loneliness just eats one from the inside...

 

[elkheart]

I'm so angry too, I didn't know I could experience it like this. For me personally it's the first time I have true anger towards everything outside of myself; I've internalized my pain and suffering so much and it's finally like the veil has been lifted of recognizing who and what have been at play other than my self-hatred. I'm learning how to let the "burn the whole world down" feeling warm my soul instead of being repulsed by it. I hate this limbo, too. I don't feel like there's any winning or any true escaping. I'm fucking mad as all hell. I'm bitter and I don't care who picks up on it anymore. It feels justified and I'm afraid of how much more anger I'm about to feel, the more I allow myself to process the life I've lived and how I even ended up here to begin with. I'm here with you in my own way. I think anger is the most logical way to be feeling honestly.

 

[Wlfgrl]

I'm starting to pull away from everyone again- I'm angry at myself. I'm repulsed by my body and angry at how stupid and pointless everything feels. I can't draw, I cant laugh with others, I can't celebrate with people without feeling bitter. I know I'm wrong for it, but all I do is envy those around me for connecting so easily. I'm angry that I'm alone and that I'll never feel truly loved. I'm angry that I only have myself to blame for feeling this way. I'm angry that there's no winning for me. I can't die, I can't live. There's no winning. I hate this limbo, I hate myself. I'm scared that I'm starting to care less and less about how my self harm and low mood hurts others.

I've become so bitter and it only makes me hate myself more and more. What's the point in anything at all.

Feeling somewhat similar the past few days. Only things keeping me going are my distractions I've become addicted to and the daily socializing with my family. Trying to keep my head up and find something to do or even make some money to save up for something, but overall just fantasizing about ctb in a sour way

 

[Renv1o_]

I'm so angry too, I didn't know I could experience it like this. For me personally it's the first time I have true anger towards everything outside of myself; I've internalized my pain and suffering so much and it's finally like the veil has been lifted of recognizing who and what have been at play other than my self-hatred. I'm learning how to let the "burn the whole world down" feeling warm my soul instead of being repulsed by it. I hate this limbo, too. I don't feel like there's any winning or any true escaping. I'm fucking mad as all hell. I'm bitter and I don't care who picks up on it anymore. It feels justified and I'm afraid of how much more anger I'm about to feel, the more I allow myself to process the life I've lived and how I even ended up here to begin with. I'm here with you in my own way. I think anger is the most logical way to be feeling honestly.

you've put it into words so perfectly