Venting Why am I always available

[LucifersIntrovert]

I finally get into a talking stage but I feel like as if I'm too available. Instant replies, showing that I'm here and care for them, and truly want to engage something with them. Which was going good for weeks. But it's been slowly dwindling to sleep and less replies from her. I've never been in a relationship so idk about all this fast replying bull shit. But I've been trying to just show that I'm here and trying to entertain the conversations and planning dates. But it just seems like the spark is fading more and more each day. I think it's because I'm to available and treating her like a celebrity or a princess. Whilst she treats me as a fan, but what do I know I've never done this bullshit before I'm just venting I guess

 

[Michelstaedter]

It's happened to me before, it happened to me at some point, and it sucks.
Some people advise you to not be so quick, but it also taught me that it depends on your personality. If someone loves you, they'll love you even if you respond hours later or in seconds.
Don't overthink it. If someone like that doesn't bring you positive things, it's best to remove them from your life. When I wanted a girlfriend, I obsessed over the idea of pleasing her, but even though I tried hard and it was "my purpose in life," I realized it was stupid, since the other person is going to "love" you for what you do for them, not for who you are. Then I realized that being suicidal, if a woman ever loves me, it's because she knows I'm literally going to offer her "nothing," because after my death, only memories will remain, but those are intrinsically relevant if she ever loved me.

 

[_Gollum_]

tbh I would recommend spacing out the replies. Not for any manipulative "playing hard to get" reason or anything, but for your own mental health; I find when I'm in a state like that, it's when I have literally nothing else going on in my life and that person is the only bright spot in my day, so I latch onto them. Turning off notifications for a certain amount of time or finding something to occupy yourself with (away from your phone) can help give you more peace of mind.

Reminds me of this meme:

 

[wham311]

Always match their length in messages and their time between.

But simultaneously, don't worry about that stuff

Good luck with this fucking bullshit, what a dumb fucking world we were put in.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

You're always available because it's a reflection of your headspace and where your priorities lie. It doesn't mean you're some loser with nothing better to do, but as pointed out above, because you're fixated on a connection with that one person who's important to you.

For some reason, being available isn't attractive and we as a species instinctively feel that scarcity and drama create more of a spark. In general too I do think predictability is the enemy of attraction. Things like dependability and knowing where you're at with someone are kind of boring, unfortunately. And I think we're all familiar with that feeling of the chemistry fizzling out.

Maybe a good strategy would be to develop more of a fun life independently of this person. People tend to want to latch on to you more when your lifestyle is enviable and they can see themselves by your side in that context.