Discussion Who here self harms?

[Alltheywanted]

I used to self harm by cold showers/baths, sometimes i would even experience the feeling of losing consciousness

 

[ctb7767]

this will not be a popular comment:
Self harm is the reason i'm skeptical of the trans stuff today. I self harmed pretty badly as a teenager, it didn't make me feel any better and the effects are permanent. I think the social contagion arguments are valid because they were for me. Making things worse will not make them better.

 

[Soulless Angel]

Self Harm Support Thread

I see self harm mentioned a lot on this forum, but never one set area for it. So I wanted to do a thread where people can come and talk freely, seek support, Share images, {but please spoilers first} Self harm goes unnoticed, but its a path many of us walk. Share your story, support and more...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[n1kita_]

how ironic, i just finished cleaning my cuts. i had been clean for a few days, but you know how it is. there are still self harm communities online, although they seem to skew a bit younger. personally, for me, self harm is what takes my mind off of wanting to CTB. it's not about the pain, but the pleasure that comes with it.

I feel about the same way. To me, self harm is a way to escape and connect with something inside me that has nothing to do with the outer suffering. Afterwards I always feel at peace, the pain turns to some type of peace I can't quite describe. I always sleep better after. Also, doesn't have much to do with this, but I love your Ethel Cain references on your profile :) Ptolomea is such an amazing song.

 

[ivzxkou]

I hear you on this one. I am scarred everywhere too and have a lot of nerve damage. I Leo don't know what I gain from it but it isn't for emotional regulation. I think it is trauma/ocd related. Are you on naltrexone?

my psych was just considering these types of meds. naltrexone sounds familiar. i already have a bad track record of taking my meds consistently or at all (i have a lot of paranoia symptoms surrounding our healthcare system, on a bad night i'm convinced i'm being poisoned and i quit all my meds cold turkey) so we haven't gotten there yet.

i think at a certain point, especially when the scarring and damage is irreversible i just stopped caring and do it purely out of habit. oh well.

 

[n1kita_]

Been self harming on and off, but in January it all started back again. This time I felt it was beyond the idea of self loathe, accompanied by It perhaps, but beyond. Ultimately it feels like entering a limbo state, time stops, it soothes me to sleep even. It burns and stings but it all culminates in satisfaction. I think the city is much to blame for the so many issues I face (and I think other people face every day). When I self harm, it feels both terribly humane, yet also terribly away from what the city would accept, this ordered way of living. I don't know. Everything stops. It's beyond a statement, though. It's really something that helps me disconnect and be someplace else. Just seeing the aftermath feels like a type of reward. Not sure if anyone else feels this way. It just feels terribly good. I wonder if other cultures do this too, with a different meaning for them.

 

[ptolemaea]

Also, doesn't have much to do with this, but I love your Ethel Cain references on your profile :) Ptolomea is such an amazing song.

YES! you're the first one to comment on that. i love ethel cain.

 

[bloop714]

I started it last year, I was staying at my aunt's house and she used to beat me a lot, sometimes she just punched my face and she used to thrust her slipper into my mouth so that I can't cry, just because my only friends ditched me and it affected my studies and I always thought it was my fault maybe I was not a better person, and I started cutting, first my wrists but then I shifted to my thighs. Now even I don't stay at my aunt's house, but I still cut, maybe it has become some sort of habit.

 

[bloberta]

i do :( im trying to stop though

 

[n1kita_]

YES! you're the first one to comment on that. i love ethel cain.

Hell yeah! She's far too good. Also your header, too! I love that movie.

 

[yelpss]

Im SH-ing for idk how many years now, and sometimes im too afraid to stop cus I relapse everytime

 

[Electronic Music]

SH is nice, though the permanent ramifications concern me a bit. Been cutting too deeply recently as a reaction to heightened desire to ctb, work stress, and extreme lack of sleep. I don't really do it intentionally if that makes sense, sometimes it just needs to be done, so I do.

 

[Anna.]

i self harm too. i haven't in a little bit but the urges are strong

 

[SatouR]

SH-ing for many years now.
I just love the feeling and seeing blood is nice too.
Helps me relax and is a good distraction from mental problems.
10/10

 

[Chloe3]

I do self harm sometimes. Its mostly like impulsive actions like in the car or in class. Probably does not help that i have my scalpel everywhere i go, even tho it also prevents me from 'doing it rn' because i could just 'do it later' as well, and then usually forget about it.
Have to say i was never really good at cutting myself deep sadly, it always hurt too much, so it was more like knife scratches. Still got lots of pretty scares from it and they make me happy hihi
What i also used to do was sort of Mental self harm? if thats even a thing. For example i let myself on purpose get into some situations, where someone was blackmailing me or meeting up with ppl that made me really uncomfortable and even forced myself to some intercourse with them, and in general putting me into stressful situations.
The effect like the feeling at the end this 'high' you get and this moment of calmness i experienced with both methods

 

[jerry545]

Traditional forms of self-harm actually make me uncomfortable to think about, I don't think I could ever cut my wrists, but maybe I should try just to get over the hurdle of intentionally harming myslef.

 

[nonentity]

I used to self harm when I was a child/teenager. I have several scars on my upper arms, forearms and wrists. I relapsed when I had a psychosis episode ~5 years ago. Haven't since then. Though, I've been wanting to so badly. My husband and friends would freak. I punch myself now and slam my head against the wall/desk and bite myself. Sometimes it's not enough and I have the urge to stab myself.

Snapping a rubber band on the wrist used to help me. Not anymore. I hope you find comfort in finding a new self-harm community.

 

[tiaralamb]

I used to self harm pretty regularly but because of recent traumatic events I'm petrified of hospitals, meaning I can't cut deep enough to require stitches anymore. since that's the only level of cutting that really relieves me properly I ended up quitting altogether (yay?).

still a raging bulimic though so if purging counts as self harm then I guess I'm not clean.

also there are pretty active self harm communities on both Twitter and Reddit, but I don't really like engaging with them because theres a disturbing amount of minors there. not judging since i started cutting at twelve, but seeing literal children go through mental hell is just too depressing to me.

 

[leap_from_life]

I was 12 year old when i started, my body is ruined, I'm so ashamed to wear t shirt

 

[Zetsubou]

Doing it right now. Haven't eaten in several hours.

 

[scar]

i dont really do it much anymore but the scars are really pretty. i usually only do it when im pissed off for some reason

 

[loveyousomuch]

I wish I could self harm but I get checked by my boyfriend..

lame

 

[noname_noface]

i've been self harming for four years. for me it's not a coping mechanism anymore, it just became an addiction/need at this point .

honestly i have felt the same for years. I started when i was 7, and i'm now in my mid 20s and at this point it's addiction. It's not longer something that grounds me but it's a voice that continuously tells my brain "deeper deeper" until im cutting through fat and exposing the inside of leg. I can't feel content until i can at least stick my fingers inside my cuts. It hasn't always been that way, just started off as smaller but pretty decently deep cuts or breaking the colored pencils i had as a kid and dragged the woood into my skin and stabbing myself with it. But started to progress more and more... I really wish i could understand why i feel i NEED to do it. It's not longer painful, i'm used to it... but something about it eases my brain... It's honestly very embarrassing when it comes up in topic with people in person.. when they see it if i wear shorts or ripped jeans they obviously have a reaction. It's very hard to explain to someone and jsut humiliating... but on the same flip side i really enjoy seeing the scars along with feeling the raise of the scar tissue. I can pretty much remember what each one is from, and what i was going through and i have 18+ years of scars on my thighs. Makes me feel mental for sure.

 

[SpiderLink]

I've been self harming consistently for over a year and off and on earlier in my childhood, does anyone else? It's one if the only things that makes me feel sane and a lot of self harm communities have been disappearing :(

I do, but not too often anymore. Before I received help, I would constantly cut on both my arms over and over. Last time I cut myself was the beginning of Feb. it's off and on for me. But it was way worse before.

 

[heLLishLandscape]

i've done it on and off since i was 13. my worst time was in college and there are noticeable scars on my arm. now, if i do SH, it's shallow with dull blades so i don't bleed much and doesn't scar. i've also been doing the hair tie on my wrist thing for when in public. if there was a way to get blood without leaving scars, i'd do it.

 

[cloverhiding]

Yes , though I'm a couple months clean

 

[00nobody00]

I hit my head really hard at work years ago and I am pretty sure I had a concussion from it. I sometimes feel pressure and used to get headaches just in that specific spot. I have been contemplating suicide for the past 6 months and sometimes when I get anxiety or get angry at myself, I will punch myself in that same spot and hope I get a brain bleed and die in my sleep.

 

[greywings]

For sure, I used to cut a lot, still do now. Not sure if it's better or worse than the other things I've done and sometiems still do. Mostly I stop taking care of my nutritional needs or only do the barest minimum for hygiene, though the latter bit I feel is less self-harm and more energy conservation. I don't enjoy it but it's all you can muster sometimes. I am pretty bad with pain, couldn't really say why I started cutting other than practice to see if I could go out that way. But I find the sight of my own blood to be a bit relaxing, and I love the way fresher cuts tend to look on me. Don't really like the way they look days into healing, or the scars they leave. And even just having to care with them since an infection would just be inconvenient and icky IMO. The scars make it hard to meet folks. I have some net friends who want to hang out and with my habits it'd be hard to hide...don't think I'm in a position to stop though.

This is one of the things I'd like to talk to some folks about casually, and I know there are communities around it but honestly that makes me a bit uncomfortable. Especially the ones where they're sharing a bunch of IRL pics of stuff on folks... very not my thing. It's something I am fairly into drawn art of though, either as the direct subject or a metaphor.