Discussion Who here does not actually want to die?

[Rubypie41]

Curious, who here does not actually want to die?

Personally I do not want to die, I want the complete opposite, to live and be happy! But that's not possible with my chronic ear conditions.

I mostly joined this site looking for info on reliable methods, not because I want to die but because I cannot cope with the constant torture and suffering caused by my physical conditions, which are outside of my control.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

I'm sorry to read about your situation.
I also wish I could have lived happily, but my reality is much different from that fantasy and, thus, I would really really like to die— but dying is not easy

 

[chocolate]

I don't want to have to die, but i feel like I can't cope with all the stresses of life and it's the only way to make it stop. So in that sense yes I want to but also, I wish I didn't have to

 

[helllcreator]

For some choosing death may be an easy decision to make. For others it is not, ive definitely not found it an easy decision to make or to reconcile with

I don't necessarily want to ctb, but the reasons why I do outweighs my ability to keep going and to stay alive.
I have and still am finding it tremendously difficult to live with the crushing guilt and self mental torture of making this choice, and I don't know if on the 8th how I will feel going through with it. Solving one problem wouldn't make my choice any different and I know nothing will change anyway.
A family member once said its a cowards way out or something akin to that but Jesus it seriously isn't, making, preparing and ultimately going through with the decision is absolute torture in my opinion, and i don't know if saying someone who ctb has my respect for it is the right thing to say but they definitely have my understanding of just how fucking painful mentally it is to go through with it. Even so for those who try and fail for whatever reason, I have been there and the feeling afterwards is undiscribable really.

 

[Forveleth]

Nah. After 40 years of working hard only to have the people who "love" me the most set me up for a life of misery and failure, I have nothing left. I'm a husk of a human being. I'm done.

 

[HereTomorrow]

I joined with the purpose of recovery, this is the only place I can true to myself without being hospitalized.

I find the resources to CTB to help ease my mind, as I deal with a lot of emotional overwhelms.

Life isn't easy, though everyone here can say that. If I were to CTB, it would most likely be if all my options and reasons to live were to wither away, and with careful consideration that this is really my end. I hate being alive, but it's not my time to go.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I'm in the same position. I'd love to have my physical pain and discomfort vanish so I could go back to truly living my life but that's not going to happen. I don't really want die but it's miserable living like this.

 

[DeathWish3301]

I wish I could've gotten a good life, one where I wouldn't want or have to CTB.

It's fucked up because I had no control over my life getting destroyed, I was set for failure from the beginning. My parents ruined everything.

But I got completely fucked. Beyond repair and had too much bad shit happen for me to ever be happy or get over the past.

I just want the pain to end. CTB is the only way, in my case.

 

[suffering_mo]

Curious, who here does not actually want to die?

Personally I do not want to die, I want the complete opposite, to live and be happy! But that's not possible with my chronic ear conditions.

I mostly joined this site looking for info on reliable methods, not because I want to die but because I cannot cope with the constant torture and suffering caused by my physical conditions, which are outside of my control.

Right there with you.

 

[turbomightbegone]

I'm just very tired. I always have to drag out each day while the bugs infest my clothes. There isn't much for me.

I'm scared of pain and death, I wish that I wasn't so miserable. I wish I could just get over my fear and kill myself already. I don't really want to exist in a life where I just decompose while being alive. I want to go to sleep.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Nope, I want to die. I always have and I always will

 

[illusive sweets]

My end goal is to die, I'm not scared of death but I am terrified of dying by natural causes. I wanna be the one to end me not age or sickness. Being alive isn't the meaning of my life, it feels wrong to wake up.

As soon as I manage to fulfill the promises I've made to my friends, family ect I'm out.

 

[lovedread]

dont wanna die. Id rather life just improve

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I want to die as soon as I can. The longer i remain alive the higher the probability of something really horrible happening to me. Why should I risk that? there is no reason.

Why should i work so hard at chores and a job , stressing every day? again there is no reason.

Why should i want to live ? What is the meaning of life? there is none. nothing matters. what will matter in 200 years? nothing. what will matter in 1000 years? in one trillion years?

The only thing that matters to me is avoiding unbearable pain.

Why should i be grateful and happy to be a slave to this body and to society ?

Plus we all will die anyway and cease to exist forever after Death. However i want to skip over suffering and extreme torture while i am still alive in this hell.

There is no choice every human will die . All i can do is minimize suffering and best way is to suicide the sooner the better.

Another lie is that they have people believing a human is different from another animal or even a bug

 

[inboxeduser]

Curious, who here does not actually want to die?

Personally I do not want to die, I want the complete opposite, to live and be happy! But that's not possible with my chronic ear conditions.

I mostly joined this site looking for info on reliable methods, not because I want to die but because I cannot cope with the constant torture and suffering caused by my physical conditions, which are outside of my control.

ctb is honestly my true last resort, im not opposed to death but i dont like the idea of not living. im gonna personally try everything i can to stay alive and make things get better before i ever fully commit (which is funny because often when i attempt or almost do its a very on the whim, impulsive, thing.) i have a beyond loving family and a baby sister that i absolutely have to be there for. i want to eventually be a mother on my own, i want to be an astrophysicist and do research with big crazy telescopes and be a part of top secret government space missions. i have huge dreams and goals that are absolutely within reach and people who love me i cant just give it all up. i think about how it might not even matter, i wont be able to regret or feel bad when im dead, but im not dead right now, and i feel that regret for dead me.
so no i dont want to die at all, but if push comes to shove then its always an option, im not going to thug it out when theres no hope left

 

[tankapi]

I'm terrified of having to live in poverty, with years of uncertainty and fear, separated from the person I love the most in life. How am I supposed to cope? If I could magically turn off my emotions, maybe I could.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

Curious, who here does not actually want to die?

Personally I do not want to die, I want the complete opposite, to live and be happy! But that's not possible with my chronic ear conditions.

I mostly joined this site looking for info on reliable methods, not because I want to die but because I cannot cope with the constant torture and suffering caused by my physical conditions, which are outside of my control.

Ditto. I have a problem with my nose and penis that I've previously explained to you. I'd like nothing better than for those problems to disappear so I can go back to being happy. Unfortunately, my prospects are not great. The doctors are trying to fix me but it isn't working. I have SN in my wardrobe and plan to use when all else fails. Tragic.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Honestly, I would not want to die if there were a cure for my physical health problems and PTSD. Everything else I have endured in my life since childhood, I was coping with better until I became more and more physically ill. Now I'm just waiting to die because trying to live any sort of functional life isn't possible with my level of chronic illness and pain.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

No, I don't. I don't necessarily demand a particularily happy life either, I just don't want to risk being abused again. Something broke in me after my last therapist abused me. It went on for almost two years. I went to her to heal from a lifetime of abuse that had made me physically sick, only to end up more traumatized and it broke me. Shortly after I was abandoned and ghosted by a huge chunk of my friend group. I have lost all trust in humanity and I don't want to live a life carrying the first-hand knowledge of what we are capable off.

 

[ham and potatoes]

Personally I do not want to die, I want the complete opposite, to live and be happy!

Same here. I'm hopeful I can get my life / mind back to where it was this time a couple years ago, but incase I can't, I can't keep living like this, and I would like to have a peaceful method at my disposal.
Which is what brought me here in the first place.
But this site has brought me allot of comfort in knowing I'm not the only one going through these things, and its about the only place I can talk about these kind of issues openly

 

[EternalShore]

I'm really sorry to hear about your chronic ear conditions~ >_< life would certainly be better for many of us if we simply drew a better hand! :( I hope and pray scientists or whoever find a cure for whatever may be wrong with you in dear time :)
Personally, I don't think many of us truly wish to die~ :( We wish to be live happily but due to various circumstances, find ourselves unable to~ :( It's quite sad that we're forced to either choose death or live in our awful states but alas~ :(

 

[keg-ireland]

Curious, who here does not actually want to die?

Personally I do not want to die, I want the complete opposite, to live and be happy! But that's not possible with my chronic ear conditions.

I mostly joined this site looking for info on reliable methods, not because I want to die but because I cannot cope with the constant torture and suffering caused by my physical conditions, which are outside of my control.

What's your ear issue? Reason I ask is because inner ear disorder has destroyed my life. Just curious if it's similar to mine.

 

[everythingoes]

I also don't want to die. But due to my mental illnesses, it's impossible for me to live a happy life. And a life that's not happy is not a life worth living. I just want my suffering to end. Dying is the only solution.

 

[Rubypie41]

What's your ear issue? Reason I ask is because inner ear disorder has destroyed my life. Just curious if it's similar to mine.

I have so many ear issues it would take me a while to explain. In a nutshell I have patulous eustachian tube dysfunction on the left (multiple failed surgeries), very loud relentless clicking in the left that other people say 3 feet away from me can hear, pulsatile tinnitus, ear tube because the failed surgeries fucked up my eustachian tube even more. Right side eustachian tube dysfunction, sharp stabbing pains, unable to speak due to the pain, loud cracks, ear tube in the right and tinnitus. Basically my ears are fucked.

 

[Hotsackage]

Let's just say I don't want the planet to perish

 

[keg-ireland]

I have so many ear issues it would take me a while to explain. In a nutshell I have patulous eustachian tube dysfunction on the left (multiple failed surgeries), very loud relentless clicking in the left that other people say 3 feet away from me can hear, pulsatile tinnitus, ear tube because the failed surgeries fucked up my eustachian tube even more. Right side eustachian tube dysfunction, sharp stabbing pains, unable to speak due to the pain, loud cracks, ear tube in the right and tinnitus. Basically my ears are fucked.

I have Eustachian tube Dysfunction, screaming 24/7 tinnitus, Menieres Disease with frequent violent vertigo attacks, severe head pressure. Afraid to leave my house in case I take an attack. Its destroyed my life.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Me.

 

[Rubypie41]

I have Eustachian tube Dysfunction, screaming 24/7 tinnitus, Menieres Disease with frequent violent vertigo attacks, severe head pressure. Afraid to leave my house in case I take an attack. Its destroyed my life.

I feel your pain I really do. I'm only 41 and now my life is fucked due to these stupid ears. If I had my normal ears back I'd be back out there loving life. I wake up every day wishing it was all a dream. Absolute shitness

 

[dggtscccvfd]

I feel your pain I really do. I'm only 41 and now my life is fucked due to these stupid ears. If I had my normal ears back I'd be back out there loving life. I wake up every day wishing it was all a dream. Absolute shitness

I'm 37 and my life is ruined due to my stupid nose! Like you, I wake up wishing it would just all go away. Only, the moment I wake up the misery starts again: each breath through my nose is manual and conscious, somehow, through the use of the spray, I've managed to mess up the autonomic breathing function: I have to do each one: it's torture. They are trying surgery on it on June 12th, if that fails, I have my SN. My parents even know about it, but haven't taken it off me as they can see I'm fucked. Do your folks know about your SN?

 

[Rubypie41]

I'm 37 and my life is ruined due to my stupid nose! Like you, I wake up wishing it would just all go away. Only, the moment I wake up the misery starts again: each breath through my nose is manual and conscious, somehow, through the use of the spray, I've managed to mess up the autonomic breathing function: I have to do each one: it's torture. They are trying surgery on it on June 12th, if that fails, I have my SN. My parents even know about it, but haven't taken it off me as they can see I'm fucked. Do your folks know about your SN?

Seriously hope the surgery works out for you. I'm still actively trying to seek specialist who can help me, but I've just about exhausted them all now. My parents don't know I have SN but my Dad and brother know I've applied to Pegasos.