Archness
Defective Personel
- Jan 20, 2023
- 537
Some people come here and quickly realize it's not for them.
Though I somewhat feel that way, it's more like a "not exactly yet", maybe I'm just not ready to research and prep for CTB and actually go through with it. However, I already know that @ this point, too much is out of my control. If I become suicidal to the point I outright kill myself, so be it.
Outside of just consuming online content, I don't have any presence online beyond a rare comment or +1 like/dislike/sub. This is all online identities, and real-life too, I'm essentially a background character. But in SaSu... Well, this is where I have the most presence online (despite it being a minority of online-time too). Does this make SaSu a part of my identity?
That question isn't one for you to answer for me, at most you could give me some insights. I often look at others to see myself, but when they start perscribing an identity or "traits", I'd feel sick. Always lies, always manipulation. I'm told i'm stupid and dumb 24/7, and then when I become problemattic I'm suddenly supposedly really smart and talented. They only speak the truth when they think it's inconsequencial or couldn't be bothered, and with that : I'm rly worthless aren't I?
Suicide is where I'm headed, unless something else ends me. Can't help but know I'm fucked, the whole world's gonna go to shit and all anyone can do is ignore and distract themselves and hope someone else fixes it, it resolves itself, or it wasn't really that big a deal.
Fucking rip, can't do shit, and waiting for it to get bad enough that I'll really end it. "Life", I'm almost inanimate!
Who else feels like their SaSu account was made "too early"? Maybe I should've waited until things gone bad in my life, because what am I here for?
Though I somewhat feel that way, it's more like a "not exactly yet", maybe I'm just not ready to research and prep for CTB and actually go through with it. However, I already know that @ this point, too much is out of my control. If I become suicidal to the point I outright kill myself, so be it.
Outside of just consuming online content, I don't have any presence online beyond a rare comment or +1 like/dislike/sub. This is all online identities, and real-life too, I'm essentially a background character. But in SaSu... Well, this is where I have the most presence online (despite it being a minority of online-time too). Does this make SaSu a part of my identity?
That question isn't one for you to answer for me, at most you could give me some insights. I often look at others to see myself, but when they start perscribing an identity or "traits", I'd feel sick. Always lies, always manipulation. I'm told i'm stupid and dumb 24/7, and then when I become problemattic I'm suddenly supposedly really smart and talented. They only speak the truth when they think it's inconsequencial or couldn't be bothered, and with that : I'm rly worthless aren't I?
Suicide is where I'm headed, unless something else ends me. Can't help but know I'm fucked, the whole world's gonna go to shit and all anyone can do is ignore and distract themselves and hope someone else fixes it, it resolves itself, or it wasn't really that big a deal.
Fucking rip, can't do shit, and waiting for it to get bad enough that I'll really end it. "Life", I'm almost inanimate!
Who else feels like their SaSu account was made "too early"? Maybe I should've waited until things gone bad in my life, because what am I here for?
