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Who else is ending it all before 2020?
Thread starterStella78
Start date
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I think I'll be gone by late April, May by the latest as that's when my university exams are. Been suicidal and tried to take my life before but I've always ended up stopping myself and giving myself a reason to carry on. Except this time I can't find a reason, and I'm making peace with the fact that I'm ready to go.
Ending it this month, I also will turn 25 on April 18th and since 2020 is a new decade I am kinda annoyed that I don´t have money for just the rest of this year.
I don't wish to see another year either (and was originally planning to end it late May 2019), but as the previous month has been a significant improvement for me, I've chosen to stay a while longer. No longer actively going through suicide nor anytime soon, but it is still a thing in my mind since I know things can change for the worst very quickly and suddenly too. I don't plan to live to old age either, so if there is something that pushes me over the edge or when I see a steady, constant decline with no reasonable chance of improvement (getting to late mid-age and body failing me slowly), then I'll ctb before I lose the capacity to do so (mentally and physically).
The last couple years have been HELL !!!
It just gets worse ... I don't want to hurt family and friends but I hate it here more than I ever have.
I don't feel like I'm living anymore … just existing to not hurt others.
Work is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE !!! I can't get a good job... too FUCKING STUPID !!!
Just SHIT jobs that drain what little soul I have left.
Reactions:
Mylifeispointless, Weeping Garbage Can, dandan and 1 other person
maybe beginn of autumn, maybe new years eve, maybe next march? with my lifestyle it may happen accidentally. if not on these dates then i'll either never do it or i need some more years for this shit. we'll see
The last couple years have been HELL !!!
It just gets worse ... I don't want to hurt family and friends but I hate it here more than I ever have.
I don't feel like I'm living anymore … just existing to not hurt others.
Work is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE !!! I can't get a good job... too FUCKING STUPID !!!
Just SHIT jobs that drain what little soul I have left.
I'm going to Wardruna concert, some trips around the world with my friends (really cheap prices, couldn't resist), I'm soo happy for all of them, I've got everything planned and now I've got antiemetics and anti acids so it's going to be well
I plan to to try and CBT tomorrow. I have tried a few times before and failed but I am slightly more confident this time. I plan on doing the night night method along with partial. I don't have a ratchet so i'm hoping gravity will keep everything in place although there is a chance that what i'm using to block the carotid will move but i cant do much about that. I'm not sure if i will succeed tomorrow I have been struggling to find the sweet spot of late but I will try none the less
I plan to to try and CBT tomorrow. I have tried a few times before and failed but I am slightly more confident this time. I plan on doing the night night method along with partial. I don't have a ratchet so i'm hoping gravity will keep everything in place although there is a chance that what i'm using to block the carotid will move but i cant do much about that. I'm not sure if i will succeed tomorrow I have been struggling to find the sweet spot of late but I will try none the less
I've had the same issue ha tried several times but just get an intense feeling that my head is going explode. Can't seem to get it in the right place so going to go for the exit bag
I plan to to try and CBT tomorrow. I have tried a few times before and failed but I am slightly more confident this time. I plan on doing the night night method along with partial. I don't have a ratchet so i'm hoping gravity will keep everything in place although there is a chance that what i'm using to block the carotid will move but i cant do much about that. I'm not sure if i will succeed tomorrow I have been struggling to find the sweet spot of late but I will try none the less
I think I'll be gone by late April, May by the latest as that's when my university exams are. Been suicidal and tried to take my life before but I've always ended up stopping myself and giving myself a reason to carry on. Except this time I can't find a reason, and I'm making peace with the fact that I'm ready to go.
I'm in the same boat, I want to ctb by the end of the month before my birthday or at least before mid May when my uni exams start. Previous times I've attempted, something always stopped me - besides the survival instinct, I always gave myself a reason to have to carry on. Often that reason would be a person, that I needed to carry on so that I wouldn't hurt them by ending my life. But now, even though there are people I care about and don't want to hurt, I can't find a reason to stay.
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