Discussion Who else feels like they left their younger self down?

[CrushedHopes]

I absolutely let my younger self down, without a single doubt in my mind. I just wish I could tell my younger self that being nice and compassionate to people is something that he should have done, and if he didn't, he would fuck up his whole life and throw away his own future later on. It's no use trying to disguise rudeness as bluntness. It's simply not the same thing.

 

[fightingsioux]

You don't owe crap to your younger self, she existed in her time and place, you exist now. The concept of letting a younger self down is just imaginary.

Maybe it's that feeling of an unbreakable continuum that's actually hindering you. Cut the cord. Be you, here and now.

 

[CrushedHopes]

If my younger self knew that his future would be doomed if he didn't started to genuinely care about other people and stopped using people as his pawns, then that would be fantastic. He would have averted all the humiliation he'd get many years later down the line. He wouldn't need to take his own life at 22. His entire future would have been different.

 

[fightingsioux]

If my younger self knew that his future would be doomed if he didn't started to genuinely care about other people and stopped using people as his pawns, then that would be fantastic. He would have averted all the humiliation he'd get many years later down the line. He wouldn't need to take his own life at 22. His entire future would have been different.

You seem like a pretty self-aware chap. Isn't there something you'd be interested in doing, someplace you'd like to go, some adventure you'd like to have, someone you'd like to be? It sounds like you're disappointed in the way you've lived up til now: change, move on.

"Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final"

― Rainer Maria Rilke

 

[CrushedHopes]

You seem like a pretty self-aware chap. Isn't there something you'd be interested in doing, someplace you'd like to go, some adventure you'd like to have, someone you'd like to be? It sounds like you're disappointed in the way you've lived up til now: change, move on.

I had a lot going for me before I got outed by the community I used to be a part of. My full story is in my sig. There's nothing more to look forward to now, now that I have lost everything. Also, just less than 2 weeks ago, I was still very proud of myself. I could only truly see how much of an asshat I was in hindsight, *after* all my hopes and dreams came crashing down on me. So, I choose to CTB.

 

[fightingsioux]

I had a lot going for me before I got outed by the community I used to be a part of. My full story is in my sig. There's nothing more to look forward to now, now that I have lost everything. Also, just less than 2 weeks ago, I was still very proud of myself. I could only truly see how much of an asshat I was in hindsight, *after* all my hopes and dreams came crashing down on me. So, I choose to CTB.

Well, you are an amazingly powerful prophet being able to look forward sixty or seventy years and know that there's nothing more to look forward to.

I'd trade existences with you in a New York minute, and I wish you'd step up to the smorgasbord and try another dish or ten. But you're an adult and have the right to make your own decisions. I only hope you give it some time.

 

[CrushedHopes]

Well, you are an amazingly powerful prophet being able to look forward sixty or seventy years and know that there's nothing more to look forward to.

I'd trade existences with you in a New York minute, and I wish you'd step up to the smorgasbord and try another dish or ten. But you're an adult and have the right to make your own decisions. I only hope you give it some time.

Are you really sure you'd want to do that? Unless you don't mind having your real name and face being doxed, and being thoroughly humiliated online following the ousting. If you don't give a crap about voice acting, and its related production work, then sure, you'd be okay.

What is your situation like? What are you going through?

My original plan was to keep doing what I love up until the day I die. Now I can't do that anymore. This waste of a life has no purpose - and I had continuously wasted the chances that I was given to better myself. It's pointless. I just want out of this hellhole.

 

[Pan]

How can someone define themselves as an EX narcissist?

 

[Oscar.in.the.closet]

This thread is so helpful, yesterday I had a spiralling sort of breakdown and I just imagined my younger self being shown who he would turn into and how much pain i would have been in seeing that.

Its so hard to think about how you can go from being so naive and innocent, just pretty much ignorant of anything. To having to deal with all the stresses life throws at you. I think i would have been devastated having to see what i would become.

 

[Fragile]

yes. i let my younger self down in many ways, but mostly because i didn't end it sooner, the plan was to die before 20, now i'm 25 and life turned out more fucked than i could've possibly imagine.

i also had many dreams, but none of them were even remotely possible and i knew that since i was very young, i deeply regret not ending it sooner so i could've spared myself and others from so much unnecessary pain.

 

[porfin1234]

Actually no.. ever since I was a teen I was creating this image of myself and played it out exactly (last year not included).
It's almost like I had to have amazing year and destroy it all to prove that angry teen right.

i will say that girl would be shocked I became a teacher. I used to say I would never ever be a teacher - did it poorly for 10 years (better last year was best year) and back to realizing why i should've never become one.

i used to say- never marry never have kids be a hermit and that I destroy everything good that i touch

no idea where that mindset came from but it has followed me to this day and has destroyed me. i obsessively listened to NIN and shit like that and have basically used it as my life soundtrack (I let that shit go last year but nope back to it).

no clue what happened to that happy loving girl ambitious girl... she's in there but the darkness won.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Not my younger self but my older self for sure. My younger self was in situations I had no control over, but I could have handled stuff sooner and got help sooner and probably prevented a load of shit happening. So I'm sorry to my future self, if I even get that far to meet her.

 

[Jean4]

Not my younger self but my older self for sure. My younger self was in situations I had no control over, but I could have handled stuff sooner and got help sooner and probably prevented a load of shit happening. So I'm sorry to my future self, if I even get that far to meet her.

I'm stalking you.

 

[Freedom Believer]

Oh I most certainly did. I used to be a happy boy who had no stress, worries, or anything to make me upset. I was happy and free and loved. I had ideas of what I wanted to be, but they were never serious I thought that when I was older I would figure it out.

Never happened.

 

[MysticPerception]

Don't think I did at all. As a young child I didn't have any dreams at all. Adults would always ask me what I want to be when I grow up and I would just be really confused because I had no answer. I never had an real ambitions back then and no aspirations for greatness. I just wanted to play and screw around. I didn't try in school so I knew I would end up in a bad spot in the future. In fact I specifically remember saying my future self can deal with all of these consequences because I don't care. I have dreams now but they're in the trash and I've stopped caring about bothering to achieve them so it's kinda funny. I guess like BPD Barbie mentioned I've failed my future self. My past self failed me and I'm failing my future self. That's a weird spot to be in when I think about it.

 

[Pan]

I myself am haunted by regret with plenty of self hatred thrown into the mix. I had a chance to get my MFA from Chicago art institute but reality got in the way and I pursued graduate studies in another area. While it gave me the financial stability I needed, I ended up abandoning my artistic ambitions, trading my creativity for security and stability. I hate myself for it. Now, I feel utterly trapped in this suburban hell. Was it worth it? NO!

 

[Wayfaerer]

Yeah for sure. On the other hand, I could hardly blame myself.

 

[waterbottleman]

I've never really been a super ambitious person, although I ended up with a career that I didn't want because I think my depression made it really difficult for me to figure out what I am truly passionate about.

I would be a happy person if I had a successful career as an analyst in finance and if I had dated throughout my twenties. Unfortunately I'm 29 and none of those things panned out for me.

So yeah I let my younger self down, thought I was going to be able to date and fun in my 20s. Boy how wrong was I, I'm more atrocious and Unloveable than I could have possibly imagined.

 

[BabyYoda]

My younger self is too busy drawing and playing video games to believe what shit happened to me.

 

[Cutepoison]

I've let myself down. Totally. And that's the main reason I want to ctb - cuz I can't and refuse to accept who I've become.

 

[Y-B]

I've let myself down. Totally. And that's the main reason I want to ctb - cuz I can't and refuse to accept who I've become.

Yeah I recognize that. I've let myself down. I suppose it has been a combination of, in hindsight, poor choices that I can't undo and lack of luck. Worse, I feel I've let my aging parents down, wish I could be there for them.

 

[Pan]

Your parents?!? They are the problem in my life; the bad choices I made are due to them. How do I rise above it knowing what I know? Revenge for what they did to me continues to simmer.

 

[Seagirl]

Yes. My younger wonderful self full of optimism would be crushed. I was born wrong, I call myself a Runt.

I have a theory that babies who receive medical intervention when born should not really be here. (Docs saved my life) Its natures way of getting rid of the wrong ones.

As a child I was drawn to cuddly toys who looked sad so I could make them happy. I still buy them. It must mean something.

Obviously I'm still alive, a huge burden to my elderly fabulous mum & dad. What a disappointment I must be. Mum probably blames herself I know I would.

Why the BLOODY hell wont Docs end lives of runts like me? Too scared to take SN in case I screw that up too.

 

[Flippy]

Not my younger self but my older self for sure. My younger self was in situations I had no control over, but I could have handled stuff sooner and got help sooner and probably prevented a load of shit happening. So I'm sorry to my future self, if I even get that far to meet her.

This pretty much sums up what I feel. Except I am that 'future self'. I know a lot of what put me in the state I am right now I was powerless to do anything about. The thing I regret is not getting help sooner too and not escaping from the misery sooner. I should have realised I had the right to determine my own path rather than be manipulated and turned into a walking disaster!

 

[terry_a_davis]

I'm in my 40's, had a poor to average 0-18, a pretty good 18-32, been rubbish since.
I could waffle on about parental influence, being quite poor, and undiagnosed adhd that *may* have influenced my behaviour, but really i blame myself.
I fucked my life up, and i'm grateful and surprised for the good years i had. It seems some poor souls here have had zero good times.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I don't feel as if I let my younger self down. What lead me here was basically out of my control and I tried diligently for the last several years to fix it.

 

[Despondent]

I feel the same. Though I'm completely disgusted in myself. I had big plans and dreams. Somehow, I feel like I've turned into a completely different person. I'm cold around the people I love, but am an emotional wreck when I'm alone and I love deeply. My younger and much older self have been locked away in a cage. They're crying and screaming to break free. I can't bear what point I've gotten to. I feel like a failure. As dumb and extreme as this may sound, it's just one more reason that I want to kill myself over. I don't want to make a decision that I'll regret, but I know that there's no way to regret anything when I close the book and end my story.

 

[Pan]

Yes. My younger wonderful self full of optimism would be crushed. I was born wrong, I call myself a Runt.

I have a theory that babies who receive medical intervention when born should not really be here. (Docs saved my life) Its natures way of getting rid of the wrong ones.

As a child I was drawn to cuddly toys who looked sad so I could make them happy. I still buy them. It must mean something.

Obviously I'm still alive, a huge burden to my elderly fabulous mum & dad. What a disappointment I must be. Mum probably blames herself I know I would.

Why the BLOODY hell wont Docs end lives of runts like me? Too scared to take SN in case I screw that up too.

Yes, I was born prematurely. Docs saved my life too. Have regretted it ever since.

 

[seho_j]

I've wanted to ctb as long as I remember, so actually I'm just surprised I'm still alive.
I've always been lazy and useless, the fact that I got into a good uni is a miracle.
So, I guess my younger self would technically not be disappointed.

 

[Pan]

Yes,so have I. I blame my mother's verbal abuse and my father's occasional physical abuse at the root of it all...just don't feel that I was wanted. These feelings come from somewhere; I know who the culprits are.