Discussion Who else feels like they left their younger self down?

[silent staring void]

Not really. I've been wanting to kill myself since I was about 6 years old, although obviously I didn't completely understand what this even means back then. But still, the thoughts never left. So I don't think my younger self would feel bad about it.

 

[Pan]

Your said it, cease to breathe...I was born prematurely and, according to my abusive mother, "cried and cried and cried"..,your spin on dysfunctional babies needing medical attention rings true...

 

[Shero]

Its the contrary, i would let my older self down, in the way i am. I know how i think about it regarding the future, but i can't think how i thought when i was little and if i would've let myself down. My old self is in the past, but my current self knows that my future self will be disappointed.

 

[stevieu]

Does anyone else feel like they are disappointed in their life, like they were going to make something meaningful out of it and had big ambitions when they were younger but some crashing circumstances (mental issues, physical problems, social situations...) terminated their dreams?

I feel like this everyday, my childhood was rather good. And I firmly believe that what happens in your youngest years forges your personality and may plays a big role in your future. I had plans to look forward to in the future but everything went downhill after my mental health began to worsen. I just feel like maybe I could prevented this. If my younger self saw my situation right now, she would be in an utter disappointment and disbelief.

I was a happy kid, mostly. Did ok in school up to when I was 16 and avoided most of the bullies by making people laugh and had hopes to eventually go to university.

When I got to 16, things started to change. Messed up my studies, came out as gay (that in itself wasn't a bad thing but it had big impacts), met people online in person, got sexually taken advantage of by an older man, was unemployed for a number of years and suffered a lot from depression. Tried to commit suicide when I was 18 and have suffered on and off with my mental health in varying degrees ever since, made some awful choices (some out of my control, if that makes sense), and here I am.

I wish I could go back to my innocent self and do it all again. I've definitely let myself down. Immensely. You spend your childhood wanting to be grown-up and your adulthood wishing you could go back again.

I'm tired and want out of this brain.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Definitely! I promised my future self that I would make a huge impact n b great..I was young, positive, n full of hope..

 

[helpmehelpme]

I am visiting home and sleeping in my boyhood bedroom, and all I have been able to long for today is an end to this life. So, yes, I have let my younger self down. I am sorry, buddy.

I cannot imagine unscrewing this one after leaving my wife and beautiful dog. The regret is constant at this point and tormenting. I am sorry, younger self. We will likely take a long sleep together using either the charcoal method or SN, and end the suffering at some point this year. My mother will understand in the end, I believe, and be able to accept it. I know she will be sad, but after seeing me these last few weeks and hearing me, she knows that suicide is on my mind, and I have asked her to let me go. She has asked me to try my best, and I don't know if I have, being on this site as often as I have. I could do more, and yet I ruminate, self-hate and oversleep. It is like I am already giving up. If anyone wants to be a phone or chat partner, PM welcome. Love and blessings, Me

 

[Ghost2211]

Nope, younger me is the bastard that got me where I am today.

 

[Pan]

Yes, I was born prematurely. Docs saved my life too. Have regretted it ever since.

When you stated that you have regretted doctors saving your life truly resonated with me. In retrospect, I regret it. Since birth, I have been a misfit, and have been treated like

I am visiting home and sleeping in my boyhood bedroom, and all I have been able to long for today is an end to this life. So, yes, I have let my younger self down. I am sorry, buddy.

I cannot imagine unscrewing this one after leaving my wife and beautiful dog. The regret is constant at this point and tormenting. I am sorry, younger self. We will likely take a long sleep together using either the charcoal method or SN, and end the suffering at some point this year. My mother will understand in the end, I believe, and be able to accept it. I know she will be sad, but after seeing me these last few weeks and hearing me, she knows that suicide is on my mind, and I have asked her to let me go. She has asked me to try my best, and I don't know if I have, being on this site as often as I have. I could do more, and yet I ruminate, self-hate and oversleep. It is like I am already giving up. If anyone wants to be a phone or chat partner, PM welcome. Love and blessings, Me

You can pm me if you wish

I am visiting home and sleeping in my boyhood bedroom, and all I have been able to long for today is an end to this life. So, yes, I have let my younger self down. I am sorry, buddy.

I cannot imagine unscrewing this one after leaving my wife and beautiful dog. The regret is constant at this point and tormenting. I am sorry, younger self. We will likely take a long sleep together using either the charcoal method or SN, and end the suffering at some point this year. My mother will understand in the end, I believe, and be able to accept it. I know she will be sad, but after seeing me these last few weeks and hearing me, she knows that suicide is on my mind, and I have asked her to let me go. She has asked me to try my best, and I don't know if I have, being on this site as often as I have. I could do more, and yet I ruminate, self-hate and oversleep. It is like I am already giving up. If anyone wants to be a phone or chat partner, PM welcome. Love and blessings, Me

You can pm if you wish, friend. Our circumstances are somewhat familiar.

 

[silvermoon]

I don't blame myself. I tried. This all I can say. Things were quite good till 18. From being the smartest kid in the class I too became one of the hopeless student in the class. I suffered gerd, depression and other physical illness. I lost myself. Recently my mother said i am not the same guy. You are changed. Maybe illness changed me. Even I agree I am not same person. I lost my confidence, intellect and dignity. I don't even look at my face in the mirror.
I am disappointed at myself but I can't do anything about illness. So I just let it go. Don't blame yourself. I think We all tried but failed. Peace.

 

[Pan]

The letting go; that's tough...how does one let go?

 

[NeverMatteredAnyway]

I definitely feel this. I had dreams of being in the medical field. And I fucked everything up. I'm nothing now.

Its not what you are, its who you are that matters
Im not happy at all that such cool and nice ppl feel so bad abt themselves. I feel like crap too ironically enough lol. I think we're all measuring ourselves by standards that are not worthy standards. Would you stop to help a puppy? Are you kind to ppl? Are you patient with old ppl? Do you value honesty over deception even when "getting ahead" is concerned? Please dont be hurt over disappointing the child you, or other ppl in general. The child you was an idealistic child, full if hope and thats nice but also very, very unaware if how truly difficult and unpredictable life is. Also maybe we feel bad bc we're measuring ourselves by standards of materialism and what OTHER ppl value most, not us. Idk. Maybe say to ourselves, "hey Im pretty cool, when someone on ss feels sad Im there for them," thats something to feel good abt, already quite a few ppl have been sweet to me while I was hurting. Im sure theres other nice things you do in a day without realizing it. Please give yourselves credit. I appreciate you guys. You crew of ppl seem pretty cool to me :)

 

[nerve]

Every day. I feel so bad for that poor girl.

When things got tough, I would think about the cool things I'd get to do once I was an adult. I had no idea what was coming!