Who caused your desire to CTB?

[Abyssal]

I am to blame. The world around me didn't impact my decision, I am just inherently not meant to live.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

For me it's a fusion of my personal lacks and the hatred/abuse I've received over the course of time.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Initially, it was one person (a suspected narcissist.) Now though- it's my wish more than any person. Just the knowledge- based on experience that I won't be able to achieve what I would see as a bare minimum standard quality of life. For me- that's a job I find fulfiling and can survive off of.

 

[RichardFirst]

I can blame bad advice on some of my poor decisions, but they were ultimately my decisions. I blame no one.

 

[MyLifeisHell]

Hatred of myself and alienation from others. More reasons got added to the pile as time went on.

 

[darksoul]

It was me all along. I used to always have the illusion that others (parents, friends and relatives) were responsible but no it was me. I am not a good friend nor family member, the only thing I deserve is a bullet in the back of my head.

 

[hi-okbye]

i've hated myself and the world for a long time. i never felt like i fit in, and i hated all the traumatizing experiences i had to go through for seemingly no reason. i found a partner and loved him but he died. i'm just exausted and want to see him again and be away from everything :/

 

[justcallmeJ]

My family was toxic and raised me in very wrong ways, so I partly blame them.
I wasnt strong enough to stood up to them and the world. Being trans and having bpd is my problem, so I blame myself for that.

 

[FuneralCry]

Ultimately it's caused by those who burdened me with the ability to exist, to me it's a horrible crime forcing life into this hellish reality where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer. Wanting to die is all that feels rational to me to escape from all future unnecessary suffering in an existence that was always futile and undesirable, the true problem lies in existence itself.

 

[doormat25]

I miss my deceased parents and dog. I feel unsafe living in a world without them in it.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't blame a specific person. I mean, my awful neurotype contributed to me being suicidal but how could I blame myself from that when I didn't really do anything to obtain said neurotype. Additionally, another reason for me being suicidal is because of how suffering is inevitable and how death is currently the only way to not suffer.. which I can only really blame that on the nature of life. If I were to blame my parents since they gave birth to me in the first place, I'd then have to blame my grandparents then my great grandparents and so on until it forms an infinite regression. Hence I can't blame my parents either