Which Location is Logistically & Ethically Superior?

[Winklemate]

Okay so with as minimal context as possible, I would like to CTB by the end of the week, before August (partially cause that's when my health insurance runs out), the method I have chosen is SN, and the biggest hurdle I've been having is where I should actually take the SN and end my life. I have two options, I'll try and run through them quickly but I'll included a TL;DR just in case.

Option one, there is a bike path about 10 minutes from my house that has like a lake by it and some grassy areas to the side of the actual path. My original plan was I have a pop-up tent, and my plan was to set-up the tent on one of those grassy areas, and drink the solution there. In the tent I would have an expired ID with me, and a written note to the police basically apologizing for forcing them to go through this, asking them not to resuscitate, asking them to keep my identity anonymous if/when this story gets reported, and asking them to inform my family in the most gentle way possible. I would have either have written on the tent's door flat or taped a piece of paper to the tent's door alerting people to "not enter, call the police, dead body inside".

This was for the longest time, the ideal method to me, since it prevents my family from having to find my dead body, it's kind of an adventure, and hopefully prevents untrained strangers from stumbling across it. But as I've gotten closer I've gotten more doubts.

The second option is simply to drink the solution and end it in my house, on my bed. The reason I didn't want to do this originally was because I love my family, they're why I lasted this long and I didn't want to burden them with discovering my dead body. But there's a lot more variables to the tent plan, like I don't even know if it's legal to set-up a tent at night like that and if they could cause repercussions for that. But I'm fairly certain I won't be discovered in rescue time in my house since I know my family's sleep schedule and they're use to me being asleep a lot, sometimes all day, whereas the tent is a question mark. Part of me is scared about ending in a tent, where any rando creep could discover my body, or even snatch me on route (which I know is highly unlikely but it's not zero).

And I even got into this thought that, if stranger doesn't heed more warning, or if the note on the tent doesn't stay up, is it fair to leave the potential of trauma unto an stranger. Even if they don't look in, it's still a scary situation for them. Whereas no matter what, my family will unfortunately have to suffer losing me, and SN death isn't the most visually traumatic suicide method to stumble upon. But then I think, if I care about anyone, it's my family, why subject them to additional suffering. And like even if I'm uncomfortable in my final moments, I'm getting what I want so does that really matter? But then it's also like, is it even additional suffering. They might presumably discover I'm missing, and have to deal with all the worry then before somebody confirms it for them, but I guess that's still not as bad as seeing the body firsthand.

My room doesn't have a door which would help solidify my choice. I don't have any money left for a third option like a motel which would've been better, but there's are the only two locations I could realistically do it. I could maybe set the tent out in my backyard and take it there but I don't really want to taint the backyard for them as well.

Yes, I have terrible definition of quickly, but I wanted to make sure I conveyed all the points in my head that I've been debating with for the past month or two. Which location do you think is the better option, logistically, ethically, any other -cally that's fitting. I appreciate any input into this.

FYI, it might be awhile before I respond check back on this thread. I'm heading to bed after submitting it and I've struggled for weeks on whether I should sign up here and make this thread because it's just uncomfortable/unnatural for me.

TL;DR

Is it better to CTB out in a tent with precautions to make sure only the police deal with your actual dead body despite all the uncertain variables that presents, or is it better to CTB at your home despite leaving the discovering of your dead body to your loved ones?

 

[nobodyspecial]

Okay so with as minimal context as possible, I would like to CTB by the end of the week, before August (partially cause that's when my health insurance runs out), the method I have chosen is SN, and the biggest hurdle I've been having is where I should actually take the SN and end my life. I have two options, I'll try and run through them quickly but I'll included a TL;DR just in case.

Option one, there is a bike path about 10 minutes from my house that has like a lake by it and some grassy areas to the side of the actual path. My original plan was I have a pop-up tent, and my plan was to set-up the tent on one of those grassy areas, and drink the solution there. In the tent I would have an expired ID with me, and a written note to the police basically apologizing for forcing them to go through this, asking them not to resuscitate, asking them to keep my identity anonymous if/when this story gets reported, and asking them to inform my family in the most gentle way possible. I would have either have written on the tent's door flat or taped a piece of paper to the tent's door alerting people to "not enter, call the police, dead body inside".

This was for the longest time, the ideal method to me, since it prevents my family from having to find my dead body, it's kind of an adventure, and hopefully prevents untrained strangers from stumbling across it. But as I've gotten closer I've gotten more doubts.

The second option is simply to drink the solution and end it in my house, on my bed. The reason I didn't want to do this originally was because I love my family, they're why I lasted this long and I didn't want to burden them with discovering my dead body. But there's a lot more variables to the tent plan, like I don't even know if it's legal to set-up a tent at night like that and if they could cause repercussions for that. But I'm fairly certain I won't be discovered in rescue time in my house since I know my family's sleep schedule and they're use to me being asleep a lot, sometimes all day, whereas the tent is a question mark. Part of me is scared about ending in a tent, where any rando creep could discover my body, or even snatch me on route (which I know is highly unlikely but it's not zero).

And I even got into this thought that, if stranger doesn't heed more warning, or if the note on the tent doesn't stay up, is it fair to leave the potential of trauma unto an stranger. Even if they don't look in, it's still a scary situation for them. Whereas no matter what, my family will unfortunately have to suffer losing me, and SN death isn't the most visually traumatic suicide method to stumble upon. But then I think, if I care about anyone, it's my family, why subject them to additional suffering. And like even if I'm uncomfortable in my final moments, I'm getting what I want so does that really matter? But then it's also like, is it even additional suffering. They might presumably discover I'm missing, and have to deal with all the worry then before somebody confirms it for them, but I guess that's still not as bad as seeing the body firsthand.

My room doesn't have a door which would help solidify my choice. I don't have any money left for a third option like a motel which would've been better, but there's are the only two locations I could realistically do it. I could maybe set the tent out in my backyard and take it there but I don't really want to taint the backyard for them as well.

Yes, I have terrible definition of quickly, but I wanted to make sure I conveyed all the points in my head that I've been debating with for the past month or two. Which location do you think is the better option, logistically, ethically, any other -cally that's fitting. I appreciate any input into this.

FYI, it might be awhile before I respond check back on this thread. I'm heading to bed after submitting it and I've struggled for weeks on whether I should sign up here and make this thread because it's just uncomfortable/unnatural for me.

TL;DR

Is it better to CTB out in a tent with precautions to make sure only the police deal with your actual dead body despite all the uncertain variables that presents, or is it better to CTB at your home despite leaving the discovering of your dead body to your loved ones?

With you caring about your family as much as you do, I'd go with the first option. Second is definitely better, but since you don't want your family discovering your dead body, I'd take the risks that come with the first option.

 

[Whale_bones]

This is a hard question to answer, as at its core it is a highly personal decision and only you can know what the right thing is for you. I appreciate that you are being respectful in your thoughts of those who might find the body, as this is something that is also a high priority for me, I think it is very important to not cause trauma to strangers.

As for laws regarding setting up tents, in the US, you can usually look up your specific county's website for guidance on that. Generally, when it comes to things like public parks and paths, there are no laws against setting up a tent during the day, but overnight camping is not allowed unless it's designated as a campground. I don't know if it's as easy to find the laws online in other countries, but with some web searching you can hopefully find enough guidance to see when you could be alone with the tent without anyone bothering you. With the proper timing and the sign you mentioned, that should maximize the chance that trained first responders will be the ones to deal with the scene.

Again though, only you know what the right decision is for yourself. I'm very sorry you are in a position where you have to rush at all, and choosing between two situations that are both not ideal. I wish you had access to a peaceful, calm situation that didn't cause stress. Welcome to SS, the forum is a great place with many caring people.

 

[Winklemate]

I really appreciate the comments and the hugs, I am leaning a bit more towards my original tent plan but one thing I didn't realize is that bike path I mentioned is right next to a public park, since it's basically just grass and like a bench lol. I did research more after reading Whales Bones' comment, and it does seem like it would be illegal. I did a scouting mission over there and took down some information so hopefully I can like contact someone and like try and figure out for them, although I'm aware that's a potential risky endeavor. Obviously I wouldn't mention the suicide part but I'm thinking of just like saying, I was thinking of doing some camping around there but I'm not certain on any regulations involved in that, just to fish for information.

Current plan is to try and do this Saturday at 3 am, ideally with the tent plan but I may end up resorting to the home method, in some capacity. I wish I prepared for this better but I'm still aiming to make the best out what I can accomplish.

 

[Whale_bones]

I did a scouting mission over there and took down some information so hopefully I can like contact someone and like try and figure out for them, although I'm aware that's a potential risky endeavor. Obviously I wouldn't mention the suicide part but I'm thinking of just like saying, I was thinking of doing some camping around there but I'm not certain on any regulations involved in that, just to fish for information.

I think it would be very reasonable to contact them and say you're interested in camping in the area, I'm sure they get questions from people who are wanting to do exactly that, so it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary for them. And if it's not the right department or whatnot, they will direct you to the right one that can answer questions.

It seems like you are thinking through the details thoroughly and are confident in your decision to CTB, and, as you say, are making the best out of the location situation. I do want to say that if Saturday comes and it's not the right time for you, we will be happy to have you keep posting/hanging out here. One thing that's really great about this place is there's no negative judgment or pressure either way. It's something that is so rarely found in wider society and it's awesome to have a place that respects individual choice here.

 

[Winklemate]

I think it would be very reasonable to contact them and say you're interested in camping in the area, I'm sure they get questions from people who are wanting to do exactly that, so it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary for them. And if it's not the right department or whatnot, they will direct you to the right one that can answer questions.

It seems like you are thinking through the details thoroughly and are confident in your decision to CTB, and, as you say, are making the best out of the location situation. I do want to say that if Saturday comes and it's not the right time for you, we will be happy to have you keep posting/hanging out here. One thing that's really great about this place is there's no negative judgment or pressure either way. It's something that is so rarely found in wider society and it's awesome to have a place that respects individual choice here.

I kinda messed up the tent call lol. I was told that not only does that park not allow any kind of tenting, there is no park or wooded/hiking area in my location that allows tents to be set up period, apparently. And I wasn't expecting them to say it was fine, but I didn't imagine it was that restrictive. Where I messed up though, was I didn't figure out a way to fish for information on the penalty for setting it up. I didn't see anyway to do it without seeming sus until after the call ended and I realized I could've went "Oh, good thing I called then, I wouldn't want to get arrested", then maybe they'd have corrected me with it would just be an X amount of fine or something like that, since I don't want a financial burden transferred onto them as well.

I lol'd but that was pretty demoralizing haha. So this will probably be the last update I make regarding this but I'm pushing it back to Tuesday. I think in most regards it would've been far better for me to do it Saturday/today but unfortunately I just couldn't make myself write the suicide note. That's non-negotiable for me so, Tuesday's the next day I can.

I don't know what I'm going to do about the location, I might just do the tent in my backyard though I know logically my family would just ignore the warning and enter in a panic but I'll figure that out when it comes time. It's been helpful to get it out and I appreciate the kinds words at the end, this place has been pretty cool so far.