I once was in a clinic for acute suicidal people and in the morning we got the news that a patient kill themselves. And my first reaction was holy fucking shit. One day prior to it I broke the rules and talked with someone too openly about suicide. And I feared she heard that and I triggered her. I became really paranoid and anxious that I was the reason for her suicide. For 24 hours I was convinced of that. I took a lot of benzos but they didn't work. Eventually though I did research and I found out she was already dead when I started that conversation. Holy shit this was so overwhelming.
I didn't know that woman. But my first reaction was: Holy fucking shit that really happened? The clinic staff also monitored the reactions of different patients. They said I was among the patients that looked the most distressed. My two reactions were: I want to leave this nightmare clinic as soon as possible I don't care if I kill myself. And the second reaction was suicide cannnot be the solution. And both of these convinctions were conflicted inside me.
I hope all the people I like will be abl to move on. And i hope they don't get lost in the loop. The people who did me wrong I wish they would feel guilty and I would hope that one day if they are facing real trouble that will see this as their punishment.
I didn't know that woman. But my first reaction was: Holy fucking shit that really happened? The clinic staff also monitored the reactions of different patients. They said I was among the patients that looked the most distressed. My two reactions were: I want to leave this nightmare clinic as soon as possible I don't care if I kill myself. And the second reaction was suicide cannnot be the solution. And both of these convinctions were conflicted inside me.
I hope all the people I like will be abl to move on. And i hope they don't get lost in the loop. The people who did me wrong I wish they would feel guilty and I would hope that one day if they are facing real trouble that will see this as their punishment.
