Discussion Wherever you go, there you are

[valar_morghulis21]

Was thinking about this quote today when I sat alone at a coffee shop. I'm living in a big city in North America, but no where near the size of places like New York City for example. Because I feel so lonely and miserable here, even tho after years of trying and failing to build friendships and community, I keep thinking maybe if I move to NYC I wouldn't be so suicidal.

But looking back, realistically moving wouldn't solve my problem. Having a big black hole in my soul that eating me alive everyday seems like more of a me problem, and less of a location. I already take advantages of everything my city got to offer, museum, art show, concert, political education event, student club, coffee shop, park, public transport and at the end of the day, I still be alone in my apartment. NYC doesn't owe me anything and there's no guanrantee I'd find my people there. For sure there's more opportunities but my resources and time are finite and limited. What's fun if you can't afford to do anything and just end up staying in your room all day.

I'm queer and from a conservative third-world country and grew up in a small town where everybody being bully and judgy. Moving to this current city solve that problem, but also create so many more things. I don't regret moving at all cause I got to experience so many new things. But a jump from a small town in third-world country to a big city in North America is different from moving from a big city to a metropolis I suppose.

What do you guys think? Would relocate solve your problems?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

In my case, relocating wouldn't solve my problems at all. It may sound weird, but actually being able to live in a "3rd world country" is part of why I'm still alive.

 

[valar_morghulis21]

In my case relocating wouldn't solve my problems at all. It may sound weird but actually being able to live in a "3rd world country" is part of why I'm still alive.

Would you share the reason why, if you feel like it please?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Would you share the reason why, if you feel like it please?

My problem stems from a lack of money (hard currency) and generally hard currency is still worth sth in the "3rd World". I come from a 1st world country but I wouldn't be able to live the same life there with what remains after I failed big in life.

Edit for context: I lived here long before I failed in life and it's not an escape. I still have a life that is worth living here.

 

[Moe_Redfath]

Was thinking about this quote today when I sat alone at a coffee shop. I'm living in a big city in North America, but no where near the size of places like New York City for example. Because I feel so lonely and miserable here, even tho after years of trying and failing to build friendships and community, I keep thinking maybe if I move to NYC I wouldn't be so suicidal.

But looking back, realistically moving wouldn't solve my problem. Having a big black hole in my soul that eating me alive everyday seems like more of a me problem, and less of a location. I already take advantages of everything my city got to offer, museum, art show, concert, political education event, student club, coffee shop, park, public transport and at the end of the day, I still be alone in my apartment. NYC doesn't owe me anything and there's no guanrantee I'd find my people there. For sure there's more opportunities but my resources and time are finite and limited. What's fun if you can't afford to do anything and just end up staying in your room all day.

I'm queer and from a conservative third-world country and grew up in a small town where everybody being bully and judgy. Moving to this current city solve that problem, but also create so many more things. I don't regret moving at all cause I got to experience so many new things. But a jump from a small town in third-world country to a big city in North America is different from moving from a big city to a metropolis I suppose.

What do you guys think? Would relocate solve your problems?

I won't lie to you. I don't know what would solve your problems, unfortunately. You're right that moving would probably solve some things and add others to the list of problems. But I can tell you this, I live near NYC, not in it but relatively nearby. If you ever do decide to move, I would be happy to hang out and possibly become friends if you were interested. Everybody needs friends, especially in new places. But don't make any decisions based on that. Just do what you think is best for you. You deserve happiness and a good life, and to be comfortable with yourself. Good luck and take care.

Valar Dohaeris

 

[Forever Sleep]

I have already moved/ started my life over three times. I would agree with the statement: 'Wherever you go, there you are.'

While I half heartedly used two of the moves to try to start again, to be more social etc. it wasn't long before I fell back into old patterns of loner behaviour/ thinking.

I think a new place can provide a springboard to try to change but- we need to be commited to doing that. Because- we will still be carrying old problems/ baggage with us. If we continue to face those problems in the same way as before- it seems likely the results will be the same- only in a different location!

It can be a lot to ask of ourselves too. A new location presumably means a new job. A whole new set of circumstances to try to get used to. On top of that- if we are pushing ourselves to get over certain issues eg. social anxiety- it can feel overwhelming. So- in a way- maybe we're more likely to fall back on the very patterns of behaviour we were hoping to change. Because they are the one familiar thing we have. That was my experience anyway.
I have already moved/ started my life over three times. I would agree with the statement: 'Wherever you go, there you are.'

While I half heartedly used two of the moves to try to start again, to be more social etc. it wasn't long before I fell back into old patterns of loner behaviour/ thinking.

I think a new place can provide a springboard to try to change but- we need to be commited to doing that. Because- we will still be carrying old problems/ baggage with us. If we continue to face those problems in the same way as before- it seems likely the results will be the same- only in a different location!

It can be a lot to ask of ourselves too. A new location presumably means a new job. A whole new set of circumstances to try to get used to. On top of that- if we are pushing ourselves to get over certain issues eg. social anxiety- it can feel overwhelming. So- in a way- maybe we're more likely to fall back on the very patterns of behaviour we were hoping to change. Because they are the one familiar thing we have. That was my experience anyway.