Where to do it?

[Itsbeenalongtime]

I have decided I want to cbt some time in April, ive ordered some SN and I have to pray it turns up and is good, I may also try getting a backup but it seems to be hard to source. I have 4 options for place:
1. Inside my mums house while she is at work (I would have to do it early and make sure she is out for the whole day, she may get suspicious me enquiring)
2. Local woods (could be at night, risk of family noticing my absence, and calling the police, during day would have to be while my mum is at work or make up a story, same issues as above. Also chance of dog walkers locating me)
3. My boyfriend's house (I'd have to work out when both him and his brother are at work for a long time, I really don't want to put him through being the one to find me or call for help)
4. An outside area at my boyfriends (I do not know the area as well, e.g. how many people visit certain places/likelihood of strangers finding me, boyfriend would still likely have to identify me)

I'm struggling to make a decision, I can't really go get a hotel as it would be out of character and arise suspicion.
Also I doubt Im gonna be able to get my hands on dopamine blockers so idk what to do there? Am i likely to fail? Would it be wise to have a backup mix made in case I throw up.

Other things on my to do list: Make a finders note with instructions for who finds me, a suicide note with a link to my funeral plans and will, update said funeral plans and will, make a timed social media post so my online friends dont wonder where i went

Anything I'm forgetting?

 

[ashfall]

I'd probably do it in the local woods at night if I was you. That's what my plan is anyway. I don't want to traumatise the people I love by letting them find my dead body. Plus if you kill yourself at either your mum or boyfriend's house they'll remember it every time they're in the room you died in. If you have until April maybe establish a pattern of going out for walks at night now? That way when you decide to ctb they won't be suspicious as being out at night will be in character. My plan is to schedule a text to the police ahead of time for a few hours after I take my SN so that they are the ones to find me rather than a parent or bystander. I figure at that point, it will have either worked or I'll probably need a hospital.

It's completely optional but are you an organ donor? Signing up made me feel a bit better about ctb. I like that something good might come of my death. Another thing I'm doing is making a voice recording in addition to a suicide note that people can listen to again and again if they miss me. I'm also sending a pre-timed text with recordings of merry Christmas and happy birthday messages to arrive after I die. I know the first holiday without a loved one is the hardest so I'm hoping that it will make it easier and be a nice surprise. I've also bought presents I'm hiding and telling them where to find them in the message. I know It is pretty cringy and a lot of work though so just ideas.

 

[Itsbeenalongtime]

I'd probably do it in the local woods at night if I was you. That's what my plan is anyway. I don't want to traumatise the people I love by letting them find my dead body. Plus if you kill yourself at either your mum or boyfriend's house they'll remember it every time they're in the room you died in. If you have until April maybe establish a pattern of going out for walks at night now? That way when you decide to ctb they won't be suspicious as being out at night will be in character. My plan is to schedule a text to the police ahead of time for a few hours after I take my SN so that they are the ones to find me rather than a parent or bystander. I figure at that point, it will have either worked or I'll probably need a hospital.

It's completely optional but are you an organ donor? Signing up made me feel a bit better about ctb. I like that something good might come of my death. Another thing I'm doing is making a voice recording in addition to a suicide note that people can listen to again and again if they miss me. I'm also sending a pre-timed text with recordings of merry Christmas and happy birthday messages to arrive after I die. I know the first holiday without a loved one is the hardest so I'm hoping that it will make it easier and be a nice surprise. I've also bought presents I'm hiding and telling them where to find them in the message. I know It is pretty cringy and a lot of work though so just ideas.

My issue is both the main doors in my house are 'alarmed' kind of. They make a big BEEP BOOP sound in my mums room whenever they are opened or closed. I can get out silently through the patio door but it isn't lockable from the outside and my mother goes bananas if i even leave it unlocked and go upstairs and she thinks people will come into the house and attack her. Hence if I am to go out at night it would have to be secretive. I guess i could also hide in one of our small sheds? She'd be very unlikely to look in there but I'd have to prep it in advance.

I do have some voice messages recorded in my 'leaving' google drive file along with an explanation, generic suicide note ect. I'd be wary of sending 'surprise' messages or relatives. I remember my mum talking about her friends relative dying and posting letters which people got later and some found it really traumatic. If you want to leave messages it might be better to just write notes or gifts and seal them, letting someone know where they are and that they exist. That way relatives can open them as they are ready rather than having trauma sprung upon them on christmas day