Venting Sick of being alone

[TheOfficialFailure]

Imagine, You get a boyfriend and everything is going good. You introduce one of your friends to your boyfriend and they talk about you like you are a toddler to them. Like they need to parent you. All behind your back, and as they get more confident with it. They do it more and more until, you crack. You want nothing to do with both of them because thats a disrespectful but you will work with both of them. You try working with you give your friend 7 chances so far and it still isn't working. So you have to tell your boyfriend straight up you cant work it out with this friend and you cant text him your feelings anymore because you don't know who will see them! So youre even more isolated because theyre like the few people you do talk to. Thats okay though, because I am making a plan to ctb. Slowly though.

 

[Dejected 55]

I've never had a relationship. I'd rather be alone than be in some of the bad relationships I've observed... but I don't like being alone. All I've ever wanted all my life was a partner in crime to grow and build and learn and share experiences with... but I've failed at every turn. Whether it is my fault or not, I'm alone as always and I can only ever depend on me. I've had all the bad experiences of trying to connect with someone else and being used and ignored and unappreciated, without any of the positive fun experiences.

Sadly, I can't even imagine being with someone else. I try and close my eyes and imagine being physically close to someone and looking into her eyes, and I just can't. I don't even have enough real world experience to imagine what the good parts of a relationship might be like.

I do get your sense of trust issues and maybe betrayal. I have feared "what if" I ever had a relationship and it fell apart or I was betrayed or cheated on or something and how much worse that could possibly feel than just my usual being alone and unloved. I think being betrayed might break me even more than I'm broken now.